2012 Year in Review

I used to take more pictures.  I used to comment and write more.  Used to this, used to that.  Then I just stopped.  And now–that sluggish behavior has practically ruined my year in review post! Boo.  My own fault.  However, we do have some representation this year, and perhaps I’ll do another Year in Review with just pictures of food I ate, because that’s what I have the most pictures of, Food. heh.

As we recall, ringing in 2012 was uneventful.  I was crying because my boyfriend moved out while I was at work, and told me this via text.  Of course I wouldn’t actually put that IN the review because I cared what people thought of me.  And I wanted no pity.  But starting the year off feeling abandoned is not how anyone wants to start “anew.”  So here’s to honesty.  Maybe this years review will tell you how things actually went down, then up, then down and so on.  Happy, sad, shrug–let’s go.

January

JANUARY

A day or two after “My Darling” moved out, he moved back in and we ate home made pizza, a lot.  It was addicting and delicious.  Robear was gearing to move back to CA (her fiance would follow in June), so she and I had a (few) Last Girls Night Out, and even got all dolled up for each other.  At some point in January I was violently ill with food poisoning.  It was, by far, the worse bout I’ve ever experienced.  And I can no longer eat salmon burgers.  I also can’t stand to hear people pronounce the L in salmon, it just bothers me.

February

FEBRUARY

I was content pronouncing this month as Febriuriary for as long as Ro could stand it.  I didn’t care if the boys couldn’t be bothered, heh.  I cleaned a lot.  Ro left early Feb, and I had time on my hands and wanted to be productive.  Pictured here is something I found in the freezer.  One of the ice trays has a small crack and over time will leak and create ice statues in the freezer.  Said ice trays were not replaced until June, good times.  Andrew moved in and took my old room, and I (with Sam) took Anthony’s old room.  This year was obviously going to be one for the records of most boring–or so I thought.

March

MARCH

I took quite a liking to random signs or things in general that made me go “hmm” (yes, just like the song).  I also began a Financial Course online that made some great points, had some great lessons, and I’ll probably do it again when i’m not living paycheck to paycheck.  And there is a goal for that.  Time to start hustling (no not like that, I mean work until I catch up, then fall over, then sit up and say “okay, lets take that course again”)  I missed my family and was getting pictures from my sister almost daily, and the drama of my personal life was still a yo-yo.  But hey, there was this Mannis Water Soup Mix I found.

April

APRIL

Now THIS.  THIS Month rocked because of my brother, Rik.  See, my sister was having the Ngasech, which is a Palauan celebration for the birth of your first born.  Up until a few days prior to the celebration I was not going to be able to attend.  But my brother flew me out there as a surprise to my sister and my Dadda (and other family members as well).  I remember coming around the corner in my sisters house and just watched her and our Aunties getting her all ready, then she glanced up and froze when she saw me.  Tears! I was amazing.  And I got to see Bennett (hadn’t seen him since October and he was just a week old then) and he took to me right away.  We danced and played.   I ate food.  It was very liberating and I finally felt like a new year had begun.  Titanic was re-released in 3D and you bet-your-ass I went.  And in IMAX.  Bring it.

May

MAY

Daaaaannnnaa.  I see her a few times a year because when she comes out to visit family, I get to have a play-date as well!  I actually started cooking this month.  I used the stove and oven and broiler like I wanted to prove something to someone.  And maybe I even did.  The hard part was having time and energy to do so.  The “Darling” had complained that he always did the cooking, so I guess I needed to prove him wrong.  What’s nice is that I still like to cook here and there.  heh.

JuneJUNE

Smurf moved out here in early June.  Arrived with nothing–although that wasn’t on purpose…the airline lost his luggage…it still sounds spontaneous, am I right?  Ahh, the summers in NY.  Thus far my experience with humidity has not been fun.  I doubt that will ever actually change, but I only deal with it from one place with a/c to the next.  My skin looks great during the summertime here.

July

JULY

I made Independence Day Sangria.  And that stuff was DELICIOUS.  Should’ve made more than three-bottles-of-wine worth. heh.  I started getting better at making pancakes, too.  I took my written exam for my NY Esthetician License.  um…during July I busted out a couple more “Your NY, My NY” moments including Coney Island and Obscura.  Which was fun.  This month, however, proved a huge turning point in my relationship, and life, as a drunken saturday evening lead to the beginning of the demise of my relationship with Sam.  All in good time. All in good time.

August

AUGUST

I met a new friend and we went out looking at shoes just because.  The photo here is at DSW.  August 10th Sam moved out with words like “I still love you and want to be with you” Then he moved on to a new relationship 3 weeks later.  Shrug.  Life is just something, sometimes isn’t it?  So broken hearted I tried to refocus on other things.  My career, getting my esti license, and I dialed my drinking back.  Way back.  I began collecting pink colored things to send to my sisters friend, who was pregnant.  I wanted to send a box of random stuff–and so it was.  hahaha.  More importantly I had a frappucino that looked and tasted like Mint n Chip ice cream!

September

SEPTEMBER

My friend Sloan helped one of my dreams come true by helping me get a ticket to see Madonna on Tour!  Yankee Stadium!  My brother and I found a restaurant called Harlem BBQ and they have big fun blended drinks and burgers stacked 3-high with meat patties.  Damn.  I finally took my practical exam for my esthetician license, although I was late getting there and seemed fairly out of place compared to everyone, I thought I did alright.  Daaaaannnaaa had also come for another visit and we had crumbs cupcakes and sat at Bryant Park.  She bought me a book I wanted to complete my Twilight Collection (yes.  Twilight.  Get off me)  It was a dollar plus tax.  Pretty sweet-sauce if you ask me.  I love Book-Off (a store).  Oh, and my housemate Andrew sliced his thumb almost severing a nerve and getting to the bone.  He’s got a good story now. heh.

october

OCTOBER

I’ve seen and even spoken to briefly, a few celebrities whilst living here in NY.  But I actually got a bit starstruck with Steve Guttenberg.  My Maamm and Sister and I used to watch this movie “Don’t tell her it’s me” over and over and over.  Hilarious.  He was pretty cool, and I want to stalk him a little.  Maybe more than a little.  What else? My friend Shannon was in NY briefly and I got to see her, it’s been years and years and it was super fun playing catch up.  And after buying paint for Smurf’s room in June, we finally painted it.  The color was a surprise, it had been such a long time since the purchase. heh.  I received my NY Esthetician License! And, halloween plans and days bookending halloween were lost to Hurricane Sandy.  Lots of people lost their homes, and belongings.  Smurf, Andrew, and I stayed home and watched movies for about 3 days and the worst we got was some pretty harsh winds blowing the trees horizontal.

November

NOVEMBER

“WELCOME TO THE HIMALAYAS!!!” That’s what Smurf and I shouted as we ran up to our brother by luggage claim at JFK on November 5th.  (This was not only stolen from Monsters Inc, but years ago when I came here to visit Kaza, she said the same thing).  This was such a fun month.  We did as much as we could providing our time restrictions for work.  Andrew and I voted, just across the street.  That was convenient.  I also made Thanksgiving Dinner for the first time ever.  Invited several friends over and it was pretty awesome.  I brined the turkey for a day or so, made the graham cracker pie crust for the pumpkin cream cheese pie, among other fun stuffs (yes, stuffs).  AND I created Auntie Nani’s Pumpkin Pie–tini.  BAM! I was also hired on at Equinox in their Spa

IMG_1064

DECEMBER

Not what you expected, right?  No holiday picture, Mersai? Well, holidays are a little more something, and a little less something else this year.  Not necessarily bittersweet–just very different.  Growing up where traditions are super fun, it’s hard to accept that we’re all growing up and have to change the rules a bit.  What matters is that I absolutely video chatted with some of my family for a couple hours.  what matters is that some traditions were kept.  What matters is there was a great deal of happiness and laughter.  Christmas morning I made brunch for me, Andrew, and Smurf.  And as with any “real” brunch (hehehe) mimosas were involved.  heh.  Mimosas turned into other booze, which turned into an outing to Marie’s Crisis and booze! Which resulted in me getting home around 5am.  wow.  So that happened.

New Years Eve.  I celebrated with a few good friends, and some of their few good friends.  I drank Papa Douglass’s Egg Nog (yowza) Auntie Nani’s Cranberry Cider (yes you add booze).  I ate food and I wore my mask–it was the Black and White Masquerade.  Hopefully it will become an annual thing.  oooOOOoooo

::::::::::

Books I read:

The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane
The Hunger Games
Catching Fire
Mockingjay
Stuff (it’s about Hoarding, woah)
Returning Planet
Captivating
Fifty Shades of Grey
It’s called a Breakup because it’s Broken
(re-read) He’s Just Not That Into You
 Fifty Shades Darker
A Discovery of Witches
–and I’m almost done with Fifty Shades Freed (eh. shrug)
My break up with Sam was one of the hardest things I’d ever endured as an adult.  I experienced feelings I never had before, both wonderful and horrible.  I ended 2012 feeling better, however, about who I am as a person and more sure and specific of what I want in a relationship the next time I am interested in someone.  Truths are very harsh sometimes.  What’s good, is that one cannot actually question a truth–it just…IS.  At least, that’s what I think.  I can question many things, but the truth? No, that exists all on its own and without contestation.  I grew a great deal in the last few months of 2012.  Some friends could not deal with my blunt honesty with my feelings.  They didn’t understand why I was so hung up and sad after all the terribly mean and cruel things Sam said to me once he left.  It’s because when you’re in it, you can’t be objective. My feelings were all over the place, and the control he had over me was something I’d never experienced. My *real* friends were supportive and encouraging and there for me.  The others moved on, and I’m fine with that as well.  My close relationship with my family and the friends I’ve had for years are glue that holds me together when I can’t do it by myself.
What I learned about myself:
* I don’t like to be wrong.  Now, that can be funny and we can joke around about it. But something happens to me on a very deep and real level, mentally, when I find I am wrong.  It is not something I can actually shrug off–I thought I was easy going and I’m not.  It can become a trigger for anger not yet resolved within me, on terms I’m willing to accept or abide by.
* I am just fine.  Accepting myself as I am is a very interesting revelation.
* I am smarter than I allow others to see, hear, or think.
* I am not as strong emotionally as I thought I was, this is because (in my opinion) the experiences I had had up until this year were, well–not necessarily juvenile, but far less severe than I had always thought them to be.  Granted, how I handle things now in my thirties is different than how I handled them in my twenties, but the discovery here is that I know it’s okay to be vulnerable and break down once in a while.  It goes along with accepting me for who I am.
* My worth is not measured in the words or actions that others say or take.  My feelings are valid, regardless if they are understood, and what’s important is that I also know that feelings exist because of a truth that has been revealed.  Whether I like it, or not.
* Depending on whom I share my time, I play a certain role.  It does not mean that I pretend to be one person or another, but that I have the ability to observe more than others and “play” accordingly with the best intentions in mind.
* Conflict exists, and just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean it will go away (yes, I really thought this one.  The Princess-thing really DID go to my head and became some sort of complex. heh)
* I really do love singing.  I really do miss dancing.
* I do not have control over everything that is about, affects, or has to do with me–and that is okay.
In 2013 I am not going to make big deal plans, or long term goals.  I do not do well with those.  It makes me shift out of the present, and focus too much on something that may or may not happen, resulting in feelings of in adequacy or failure .  I will work to live my life, not just survive it.  I will be kinder to myself in as many ways as I can fathom.  I will call my friends and family on the phone or via video chat as a way to close the gap between us.  Texting is okay, for brief things, but I want to actually connect and talk to the people close to my heart.  I will continue discovering my distortions and work towards correcting them.
This finally feels like the beginning of something and I am willing to watch it and experience it in “real time”
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About Aiy_M

5'9" barefoot

Posted on January 15, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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