I’d like to buy a vowel?
Why Why Why!!!!!! The wind and the rain. And oddly enough, you’d think with these so called “problems” I’d be a happy camper. Plantboy and I were IMing last night forever it seemed like. It’s just difficult sometimes. I think I want more, but then I don’t, then I do, then I don’t, then I do. “Vicious Cycle” It’s wanting something to work, but knowing it wouldn’t and still wanting to try. And even after you’ve decided you want to try…do they? Am I even making sense??? I guess boys are confusing but maybe sometimes so am I, so I can’t blame them. Like, we, as girls, want to write the script for the boys in our life so they will say the right thing (hi jax…say the right thing, pull the right string) but all that does is drive them away. So I chose not to attempt to change ANYONE. Either I accept what is before me, or I discard it. I can only be responsible for ME. It’s like needing to get rid of the negative stuff in your own world you know? If it’s not working, fix only what YOU are capable of fixing; then let someone else take the wheel. Man I’m starting to confuse myself. It would probably be easier if I just said EXACTLY what was on my mind, but ….I don’t think I can because I don’t think I can put it in words (like kaza and the lion king the other night kazakahn) And just what, yesterday 2 days ago I was confessing to all that I missed sticker-boy (B.E and Seanah). And I do, I do. But can I miss someone else too? Yes I can. Can I want something more than what I have, yes I can. Can figure this out without getting a headache? Apparently not. And why somehow do I eventually feel “ashamed” for lack of better phrasing of who I am or what I want. Is there a rule book I don’t have, was there a memo I missed? “The answer is out there Neo” that’s what I’m waiting for. I’m waiting for the relationship Trinity to tell me what to do. I’m waiting for the Morpheus of relationships to offer me different color pills. But alas, I feel I’m really waiting for Guffman – who never ends up showing up and all I’m left with was eagerness during the wait, and the disappointment after waiting. I don’t know what to do. Advice is appreciated. So are pick me up cards, emails, money and gift certificates to further indulge some retail therapy. This is wierd to write out, it makes much more sense in my brain. This is what, I believe, it inevitablly comes down to. ….the boys I like, never actually end up liking me more than a blink of the eye. Maybe this is not a bad thing. Maybe I’m supposed to wander about right now and explore and see what’s out there. Maybe I’m suposed to, but i don’t want to – this is the problem.
Paging Dr. Fix-It, Dr. Fix-It she’s waiting for you in room 17
(Sally, please report to me…..kaza and roger rabbit totally get that, but i don’t know who else will)
I will leave you with this: “Good afternoon we’re gonna have a great jump today. Ok, crank a hard cutback as you hit the wall. There’s a screaming turn at the bottom so watch out. Remember Rip it roll it and punch it!!!