Things that go backwards.

Maybe the move didn’t have to mean failure. One can only review themselves and have an opinion – but then there are all my friends too. You all have opinions, and they do count; believe me they do. I moved out here, had a manager, got an agent, won some awards and some free classes, went on several very fun auditions, was cast in an independant film and gained weight. Well, at least the beginning stuff was good. I guess now the feeling of moving backwards can still be considered moving forwards, after all if I learn and regroup and keep going forward, the rewind button only will be used for reminding me of the good and hard times that created in me a stronger character or self awareness. And that, if anything, should be worth it.

The End:
The caffeine tablet I took for the drive home kept me awake until about 4am. No deals. No good for work the next morning…..I spoke with him on Sunday night upon my return. The drive had been long with all the different scenarios running through my head, with all the ideas, with the jobs and the money situations, and the lack of money…situations. I guess it felt like I was running, but in slow motion. He took it well, I guess. I’m sure he wasn’t expecting it, or he wouldn’t have quit his job. I know his parents are willing to help, but I hated it – why wouldn’t he? But we’re not the same person, we don’t share the same goals or thought process (like meandmahroomah) And as much as I like living there…, it’s living with HIM…..there, that began to drown out the good. And I love him, but I NEED to love me more right now. I NEED to regroup, I NEED to finish recovering from he HELL that was 2003. I NEED to be around people I love, and people who love me while I recover….and that’s why I’m moving back to AG.

The Middle:
Sunday was the time change day, right? and Spring Forward. Lucky me I didnt’ have anywhere to be til 2pm so I woke up whenever then set it forward. Had THE RICE, left over from dadda’s house. My sister brought it home for me (I crashed at her cottage in Nipomo) And if you haven’t had THE RICE, you need to. (I’ve made it a few times, it’s the one with bacon and eggs and yum yum!) Then I got read and met up with Roger Rabbit to see “The Last 5 Years” I remember leaning over to him near the beginning and saying “I don’t get it.” Apparently the girl was starting at the end of the relationship going backwards, and the guy was starting at the beginning going forwards. HELLO CONFUSING. But eventually I got it. Real funny song about auditioning in places like New York, reminded me ALOT of kaza’s stories. lol (yah i’m still lol) Then I swung by my mommies house briefly, then off to SLOville for a fine tuning session witht he Kats in Saphire Moon’s Deliver Me. And again It looks freagin’ hot! It sent shivers up my spine and neck and I’ve seen it 112 times already. Then it was off to dinner with PG/PrettyGirl/Maria. I hadn’t seen her in quite a while, it was nice to catch up. It always helpful to chat with a girlfriend. And she will be my pseudo date on the 17th to the show too, so that will be nice. PS, PePe’s has yummy food – so go there more often everyone. I dropped my mommies house real quick again before heading back down here. We talked about my “trials and tribulations” and how maybe all these signs were telling me to leave the LA area. Every time I’ve tried to stay put, somethign else goes wrong. It’s just very expensive, and hard when you have to live check to check and wonder if you’ll eat or not. I left at about 9:30pm. WAY past the time I had planned, but oh well, GO caffeine tablet!

The Beginning:
Saturdays Comedy Workshop ended at about 2pm, and I hopped on the road right away! Getting OUT of LA always is the longest part of the trip, but it flew after that. Arrived at sisters house by about 5:30/6pm and got up to Rookie & BrightEyes pad by about 7:15. Rookie let me go see STOMP with him. and OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH MMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY GOD! I wanna be on tour with stomp. Pick me pick me!!! It was amazing, and fun, and loud, and quiet, and pretty, with audience participation. Everything a FANTASTIC show should have. Thank you Thank you Thank you Rookie for letting me go play with you (slaps belly).
Then it was off to SkarieOkie. A nice saturday, introduced the bar to the new drink….The Princess Drink!! ahhahahahaah, I won’t tell you what it is, but I’ll tell ya ILAH-IT. We played til about 1:30, well….*I* played till about 1:30 then took off to sisters cottage for some sleep.

It was going to be a normal weekend, I go there, do my thing and come back. But Friday night I found out Husband quit his job before securing another one and so all weekend, with all the activities planned – I don’t think I was myself. I was going back and forth with what that meant “it’s a sign!” But was it a sign to try harder? was it sign to just stop? or was it sign to go home?

About Aiy_M

5'9" barefoot

Posted on April 6, 2004, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. You’re coming home?!?!
    Yay!!! That means you can come see all my shows this summer too, and come with me to see the one’s I’m not working on. When are you moving home? I guess this means I should buy som new tires for my truck. It’s still available to you for your moving enjoyment. 😀

  2. the sign post up ahead
    we must learn from our past in order that we may work towards a brighter future, or you must learn to walk before you can fly and you cant learn to walk without falling down, You’ll never make a cake without breaking a few eggs. I know none of this is very comforting but I know that you will learn to fly. Untill then the safety of “the nest” is always here. I know this isn’t where you pictured yourself being but all of us here will welcome you back.
    Love you always

  3. yay ~ i say.
    and again i say yay.
    remember ~ it’s just the address that is changing. not the dreams or the goals. it’s just as easy to drive to la for auditions as it is to drive to slo for ~ well ~ everything you love (minus a roommah)! so why not be where you love and turn the car and energy around the other way for the dreams and goals?! much like mary poppins would say ~ it’s practically perfect in everyway.
    proud of you for being exactly who you are exactly right where you are. everyone and i mean EVERYONE supports you and believes in you whatever you choose for your life. and those who don’t aren’t anyone. so you can’t lose.
    10 shopping days.

  4. If I have learned anything it’s that…
    You need to do what ever makes you happy and leaves you feeling right with the world. Like Kaz said ” it’s just an address. In the move you made to LA you took more courage in hand than most people I’ve ever met. You were the main inspiration to me to make the move I’m about to. You had the drive and the fortitude to move to a HUGE city where you had no family, few friends and to TAKE A CHNCE!!! The fact that you are coming home (at least for a while) is in NO way a failure, but a wonderful example of your ability to see the good and the bad and weigh them and do what is right for YOU. Everyon misses you, everyone wants the best for you, and I KNOW everyone has ben trying to get you to move back to SLOville for a long time, but one of the things I have always loved most about you is your stregnth and your view of the world, and I KNEW when and if you ever moved back to SLO it would be for the right reasons. I applaud your adventure and your spirit and KNOW that great things lie in wait…..even if they’re hard to see.
    -Love Ever – Ro

  5. Yup…
    Why am I always the last one to post?
    But regardless of that fact…you and I talked about this a long time ago….and like I told you then…maybe that’s not the spot you are supposed to be in, or maybe not just yet…so many variables, but listen…you are a star, you always have been and you always will be…you shine so much brighter than the rest of us that sometimes…it hurts to look at you…and no I’m not saying you’re fat or ugly…
    The trying is the hardest part…it wouldn’t be worth it without some pain…and now you’ve had a large dose of the painful part…enjoy the time off with your friends and family…
    I love you.

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