Things that go backwards.
Maybe the move didn’t have to mean failure. One can only review themselves and have an opinion – but then there are all my friends too. You all have opinions, and they do count; believe me they do. I moved out here, had a manager, got an agent, won some awards and some free classes, went on several very fun auditions, was cast in an independant film and gained weight. Well, at least the beginning stuff was good. I guess now the feeling of moving backwards can still be considered moving forwards, after all if I learn and regroup and keep going forward, the rewind button only will be used for reminding me of the good and hard times that created in me a stronger character or self awareness. And that, if anything, should be worth it.
The caffeine tablet I took for the drive home kept me awake until about 4am. No deals. No good for work the next morning…..I spoke with him on Sunday night upon my return. The drive had been long with all the different scenarios running through my head, with all the ideas, with the jobs and the money situations, and the lack of money…situations. I guess it felt like I was running, but in slow motion. He took it well, I guess. I’m sure he wasn’t expecting it, or he wouldn’t have quit his job. I know his parents are willing to help, but I hated it – why wouldn’t he? But we’re not the same person, we don’t share the same goals or thought process (like meandmahroomah) And as much as I like living there…..here, it’s living with HIM…..there, that began to drown out the good. And I love him, but I NEED to love me more right now. I NEED to regroup, I NEED to finish recovering from he HELL that was 2003. I NEED to be around people I love, and people who love me while I recover….and that’s why I’m moving back to AG.
Sunday was the time change day, right? and Spring Forward. Lucky me I didnt’ have anywhere to be til 2pm so I woke up whenever then set it forward. Had THE RICE, left over from dadda’s house. My sister brought it home for me (I crashed at her cottage in Nipomo) And if you haven’t had THE RICE, you need to. (I’ve made it a few times, it’s the one with bacon and eggs and yum yum!) Then I got read and met up with Roger Rabbit to see “The Last 5 Years” I remember leaning over to him near the beginning and saying “I don’t get it.” Apparently the girl was starting at the end of the relationship going backwards, and the guy was starting at the beginning going forwards. HELLO CONFUSING. But eventually I got it. Real funny song about auditioning in places like New York, reminded me ALOT of kaza’s stories. lol (yah i’m still lol) Then I swung by my mommies house briefly, then off to SLOville for a fine tuning session witht he Kats in Saphire Moon’s Deliver Me. And again It looks freagin’ hot! It sent shivers up my spine and neck and I’ve seen it 112 times already. Then it was off to dinner with PG/PrettyGirl/Maria. I hadn’t seen her in quite a while, it was nice to catch up. It always helpful to chat with a girlfriend. And she will be my pseudo date on the 17th to the show too, so that will be nice. PS, PePe’s has yummy food – so go there more often everyone. I dropped my mommies house real quick again before heading back down here. We talked about my “trials and tribulations” and how maybe all these signs were telling me to leave the LA area. Every time I’ve tried to stay put, somethign else goes wrong. It’s just very expensive, and hard when you have to live check to check and wonder if you’ll eat or not. I left at about 9:30pm. WAY past the time I had planned, but oh well, GO caffeine tablet!
Saturdays Comedy Workshop ended at about 2pm, and I hopped on the road right away! Getting OUT of LA always is the longest part of the trip, but it flew after that. Arrived at sisters house by about 5:30/6pm and got up to Rookie & BrightEyes pad by about 7:15. Rookie let me go see STOMP with him. and OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH MMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY GOD! I wanna be on tour with stomp. Pick me pick me!!! It was amazing, and fun, and loud, and quiet, and pretty, with audience participation. Everything a FANTASTIC show should have. Thank you Thank you Thank you Rookie for letting me go play with you (slaps belly).
Then it was off to SkarieOkie. A nice saturday, introduced the bar to the new drink….The Princess Drink!! ahhahahahaah, I won’t tell you what it is, but I’ll tell ya ILAH-IT. We played til about 1:30, well….*I* played till about 1:30 then took off to sisters cottage for some sleep.
It was going to be a normal weekend, I go there, do my thing and come back. But Friday night I found out Husband quit his job before securing another one and so all weekend, with all the activities planned – I don’t think I was myself. I was going back and forth with what that meant “it’s a sign!” But was it a sign to try harder? was it sign to just stop? or was it sign to go home?