you are Belle a girl who would do anything for her
family and doesn’t care about a mans outer
beauty but his inner while you ourself are
beautiful kind and wanted by all men
I’m not sure how to tell this story. I guess I’ll just start it and see how it goes. . .
It was saturday, September 24th 2005. It was the night of Homo-coming. The girls dress like boys, and the boys dress like girls for this party. I wore a black fedora, black slacks a white button up shirt and suspenders and my glasses – my shirt was opened, my tie loose and hanging to the side revealing a Superman symbol beneath my shirt. I started with a drink, it had orange juice, cranberry juice and captain morgan in it. Lovely. Then I made myself a Screwdriver. After I finished it I made another one and as far as I was concerned that was all I had to drink. I did feel buzzed, I felt damn close to drunk, after all those drinks were WELL with Vodka. I had a conversation with Ashley F. and Michelle, both second years, about dancing and singing and they were very supportive about me being a swing and an understudy and our conversation was great. Then I went outside, spoke with Robert – a classmate. Then I went inside, danced a bit and before I went back outside I went over to Ryan (2nd year) and Casi (1st year) and interrupted their conversation with “excuse me” then I took off my hat and placed it to the side of my face hiding my face from Casi and I leaned in and kissed Ryan. Leaning in he just smiled at me like “you’ve been drinking. . . but ok” and he kissed me right back. Lovely. I heard Casi say “are you guys really kissing cause this is kind of awkward. I laughed a bit, when I stopped kissing him I put my hat back on looked at Casi and said “yes” then looked at Ryan and said “thank you” he sort of smiled and laughed and I walked back outside and was talking with the girls who came as “KISS” (Ashely, Louise, Nicole and Shana) We talked about me slowly opening up to people and that I felt bad that everyone was kind of getting shafted by not really meeting “me.” But all was water under the bridge we knocked our drinks together and drank to it. They were drinking beer, I still had the rest of my Screwdriver. Then I was talking to Robert again. I remember following him inside, then I remember the call for first years to the dance floor – well, the living room floor. It was a dance off for the crowing of Homo-coming King and Queen. I remember approaching the floor when it was my turn but not dancing. I remember the second years leaving to vote and dancing with all the first years while we waited. Then flash and I was standing at the edge of the circle with Alex behind me helping me stand up a bit (2nd year) and Minita was announcing the Homo-Coming Queen, Ladies and Gentlemen Matt Fullbrite. In his wonderfulness was crowned the Queen. Then she announced the King, Aiyani Mersai. I was laughing hystericallys and making my way through the crowd and someone took off my hat and someone else put a crown on my head. I remember hugging a few people and giving Matt Fullbrite a lil smooch and going outside. Then flash and I’m near the side of the house and Alex and Robin (both 2nd years, Robin = male, btw) are telling me to stick my finger down my throat and I’m asking them why. Apparently I told them I needed to throw up to get some of it out of my system. I didn’t remember that but I said ok handed over my camera (when did I get my camera I thought) and they took off my tie and I stuck my finger down my throat. Then flash again and I’m in the bathroom with Minita and she’s telling me to stick my finger down my throat and I’m wondering why. But I dont’ argue – I did as I was told. About 4 or 5 rounds later I sat back with water and Minita just talking. Then Ryan came in for a “shift” with me and I didn’t throw up with him at all. He sat in the tub and I infront of the Porcelain God and we just chatted. I remember everything I said to him, it was a great conversation. Then I felt like I was done but wanted to go outside and there were only about 6 people left. It was 4:15am – how long was throwing up for? I shrugged and went outside with water and had a conversation with Jackie (2nd year) about dance class and other stuff. I went back inside and Ryan asked if I was ready for sleep and I said yes. I had 3 or 4 bottles of water by then, many listerine freshners and applied some chapstick to my mouth before laying down on the couch and he wrapped a red and blue blanket on me. I asked him to get my phone for me in my purse so I could set an alarm to be up for class on time and he went and got my purse and my hat, and tie and camera and jacket and crown and put them all in a pile for me. He said sweet dreams to me then leaned over and kissed me goodnight. Last time I looked at the clock it was 4:54am. I had class at 1pm.
Then it was 10:30am and I was awake, I felt light headed but ok so I went home and layed down for a bit more before showering and going to class. I wore black knee high boots a black skirt and a maroon button up shirt and when I got out of my car a few of my classmates applauded me and asked how I was doing and I said I didn’t know. Robert asked how I felt when I woke up and I said “I’ll let you know when I do.” They laughed and commented how well I was walking in heels and I just said – i’m a professional. Then I told them I didn’t feel like I had a normal hangover. I felt a bit dizzy and although my stomach was feeling okay when I awoke at 10:30am it wasn’t right then, so I said I was going to go sit down. Shortly after Robert came in and we were talking again about last night and all the fun and I said I didn’t understand why I felt this way, after all – all I had was the juice and the 2 Screwdrivers. Robert then told me that we had shots together. And I just looked at him stunned, “when was this?” We had about 3 shots of Vodka before heading to the dance floor. Then Mary and Arielle came over and we had 2 more shots all together, and I apparently chased it with beer. I’d like to say that ONE, I don’t even LIKE beer. TWO I NEVER need a chaser, and THREE What the HELL???!!!! Then we had a few Jello shots, Robert told me and I was beginning to almost get scared. He said I did great and appeared to be holding my liquor just fine. Then Arielle and Mary walked into class and Mary sat next to me and I was shocked still and turned to her and said “we did a shot together??!” and she said “yah!” and after the dance off – I leaned over and kissed HER!. Inside I was laughing hysterically. “Mary!, I kissed you??!!!” “yah, we didn’t make out or anything but you just came over to me and planted one on my mouth, I thought it was cool.” ………I missing parts of my life. I’ve NEVER been THAT drunk. As people poured into the classroom some were wondering how I was, and I guess I just didn’t know if EVERYONE knew I was making myself throw up – or if they just were wondering how I was. Some people thought I was fine. they said I wasn’t stumbling around, I was having normal conversations then I decided I wanted to go throw up and they all just said ok. WHAT???!!!!! Nicole said after the crowning I was outside drinking beer with them and seemed fine. Casi wanted to remind me of kissing Ryan – I totally remembered THAT. lol. Ryan walked in (different Ryan, this one was a first year – the one I kissed was a second year) and hugged me and told me I was an amazing dancer and I totally rocked. . . thanks?! I didn’t remember dancing. Arielle came over to where I was sitting for class and said she was glad I was their Homo-King and my dancing was bomb. . . .thanks?!
During the course of the class the sound of my own breath was echoing in my head so loud I could barely concentrate on anyone’s words. During our small group discussion I had a memory. It was from that morning – I had woken up at Minita’s house, but before I went home I went to the store and bought 2 gallons of water, 1 gallon of nonfat milk and a magazine – but I couldn’t remember what magazine. I thought at first I was dreaming, but when I got home it was all there. I barely made it through our 2 hour class, and if it was 3 hours I KNOW I couldn’t have survived. I made it home after class and layed down again. I had to be at Arielle’s house for dinner and projects by 5pm and when I got there I felt like I had a hangover – a normal hangover. Which lead me to the decision that I was not hungover at school – I was still drunk. Then I felt so irresponsible and so lost. I was so hammered, so tossed that I didn’t remember going to the store, I didn’t remember events that took place or conversations I had, or how many drinks I had. At least I was, taken care of. Everyone that was there was not going to let me get hurt, no one there would take advantage of my drunkenness. I was okay there – but its still scary that I don’t remember.
Today, I got in my car to head to my mommies house to help her clean it. My camera was in the passenger seat and I looked at it then opened the shutter to see how many frames I had left. it said “E” for Error. I opened it and the film was already used and it had completely wound. When I got to the party I had about half a roll left but I only took one picture and it stopped working on me. I shrugged my shoulders and took it to Wally World before going to my mommies, and before STGA I picked them up. It had pictures of Ethan on it (from when he was here), pictures of Kitten and Peanut (he was born 9/19/05), and pictures of Matt Fullbrite and I in our crowns, and pictures of me and a few of my classmates. Some other people had taken, some I took – the kind where I hold the camera up with one hand. I was really good at those – and apparently I can even do it totally blitzed. But looking at them, I didn’t remember taking them. I’m glad theres no crazy naked people on them, I’m glad I didn’t get hurt – and no one else got hurt but. . . not remembering bothers me. I always remember my conversations and everything that happens when i’m drunk – but this time was different and its wierd. I won’t let that happen again.
On a different note, Beauty and the Beast rehearsals start tomorrow. It opens November 10th. I thought I was busy before, this will take “busy” to a whole new level.