I’d like to post something that is not drama. I know all that I’m going through lands on these pages and I am told, people do read them. you read my words, my fears, my dreams, my hopes, my fantasies, my faults and you just accept it. That’s – awesome. It’s encouraging and uplifting and bodes well for my self confidence as a woman, or even just as a human being regardless of my gender.
So my promise to you is this, I’m going to give you more.
More of the better parts of me in addition to my turmoil. I read some of my old blogs, like…circa 2004 and I posted about all kinds of junk and it didn’t matter the context. it was for me, it was for you, it was for fun and some was serious. It had both the ups and downs of every great roller coaster and after this weekend that has just passed I feel better – about a lot of things. I feel like this certain kind of heartache that I have been experiencing is finally beginning to show signs of subsiding which to me means the healing is coming. Now when I say this next part remember it is not literal:::::: I was cut, I bled and bled, i changed my bandages over and over and applied every metaphoric antibiotic ointment everyone suggested to me in attempt to make the healing happen quicker – and this morning, I took off my bandages to change them and the bleeding had finally stopped. Now the healing is beginning. The wound is closing and I can actually see where the scar will be, but battle wounds always make for great stories later don’t they (and we all know that the best stories begin with….”so there I was”) But none the less, a scar – and really what I mean by that is “this is another reason I am as strong as I am”
Will you still have moments of depression? – maybe…? I don’t know. but if i don’t plan on it and don’t count on it then I’m not giving it the focus it actually wants which allows my focus to alter and drive me somewhere else
Where do you want your focus to drive you to? – a fierce feminine place. Which by the way is a blurry place right now but the more I focus on it the clearer I believe it will become and the more specific I can describe it to you.
What are the steps you are going to take? – right foot, left foot. head up, eyes opened and remembering to breathe
Do you have any advice for anyone who might be going through the same thing? – a woman whom I hold in the highest of regards told me this…”there is no right or wrong, only experiences.” So my advice based on that is take the opportunities that come your way and chose knowing there is no right or wrong. And as always, in every aspect of life – buckle up for safety.