Today, at the end of the school day I had clocked a total of 500 hours.  I need 600 to graduate.  My graduation date, as of right now, is Tuesday November 4th.

In other news – I remain shocked, blown away, giddy, fluttery, flattered, totally stoked, girly, womanly and literally beside myself, because of a man.

I’d love to tell you that my experience with men has been great and educational – but alas I find that I have dated very few, if any.  No matter the age of some of the guys I’ve dated and whatevered there is…there are many qualities that I have always looked for that I seem to settle for less than.  It was because at the time I was content.  At the time I was willing to just goof off, laugh, kiss, eat dinner have drinks hang out and play.  Then I hit a place in my life where I was ready to commit to someone for the rest of my life.  Absolutely ready.  I had little hearts coming out of my eyes towards a guy I thought was pretty and talented.  A guy who a year later decided he wanted something different.  He didn’t want to think about communication or learning to compromise, he was done.  I was officially worthless.  And he continued to make me feel so by leaving me home alone every night while he stayed with friends, among other people.  For months I moped around this apartment and every chance I got I spent in my car driving home to the people I could lean on, look to for advice and to somehow save me regardless if it was by escaping with alcohol, ice cream or a good talk while sex and the city was on the background.

And somehow, even now as I feel better than I have in months…  I feel uplifted, encouraged, beautiful, pursued, respected, listened to, people want me to “use caution” in regards to this man.

let me tell you something, in the nicest and most respectful way I know:

I cannot and will not take any more time to “figure out” what’s going on.  Because I KNOW what’s going on.  My husband and I are divorcing and a man is pursuing me because he likes me.

*  When a man, honestly and boldly, states he was angry at himself for letting you get away 5 years ago and he’s glad he has the chance to be in your life now – you listen

*  When a man day in and day out assures you that he thinks you are gorgeous, beautiful,a goddess, you’re wonderful and loves your face without make up on – you smile

*  When a man upsets you, no matter how small or large, and he so badly wants to know HOW he did it and WHAT he said so that he will NEVER do it again (instead of telling you to get over it and call him when you’re done being dumb) – you stay on the line and tell him, and you communicate to him and you listen to his apology and you believe him.

*  When a man says “know this:  I think you are a jewel of a woman.  I don’t pass up good things”.  – You blush, save it on your phone and look at it from time to time because you know he means it and you can hear his voice saying it.

*  When a man texts you “I’m thinking about you” in the middle of the day” – your friends see your face and they KNOW it was him, and they want to know what he said.  Its like when the senior had a crush on you when you were a freshman

*  When a man says “I don’t want you to ever feel worthless.  If I spent every day for the rest of my life making you feel worth it, it would not be a wasted life”  – your heart skips a beat.

*  When a man tells you when you talk it doesn’t sound like you’re rambling, or lecturing – that your words are meaningful, beautiful, and truthful and he’s hanging on every single one – you are heard.

*  When a man says he doesn’t need to speak to anyone before he goes to sleep, except you – you are appreciated and cared for.

*  When you like a man so much that you hang on every word and listen to his interests because they interest him – you are smitten

*  When a man answers the phone “if this is not the most gorgeous woman in the world I’m hanging up” – you giggle.

*  When a man can make you laugh like nobodys business – you keep him around and invite him to be closer to you.

*  When you, yourself, can make a man melt by saying “hi” a certain way – you are worshiped

*  When you let a man call you “babe”, and you NEVER had let anyone do that  before – its a big deal.

*  When a man says everything you’ve ever wanted to hear, and you know he has more up his sleeve – you want to stick around to see what happens.

*  When you are so excited to see a man that you want to run and literally jump into his arms – you lose sleep, but its worth it.

*  When you see that Men exist, in the form that you have imagined, saying things you’ve longed to hear, and they pursue you, care about you, think of you and listen to you, when they “man-up” to their small mistakes and listen to your long days,….regardless of where it goes – you are reassured that life is worth it, and so are you.

So here’s to you, Mr. Man.  With the utmost respect , this confession is yours:

At your service.