I went to Mongos tonight.  I was at my Group Weight-loss meeting..thing and it ran too late so I didn’t go to rehearsal and I dropped by Mongos in Grover Beach.  This place used to be Sunset Dunes.  This place that I remembered started to write out a new sort of history or group theory of some kind.  When I used to go to karaoke night there were definitely regulars.  There were "The Boys" Brad (the owner) and Rich and Dave and Captain and Lloyd and Glenn and them.  There were "the girls"  me, Kaza, Seanah, Brighteyes, Ro and Kitten.  And on the occasion you’d see people like Amy and Joel come out to play, Adriane and her sister, Jax made an appearance pretty often, and sometimes we’d even get Mandy down there with Chad and Loke from the North County.   And of course we had Kevin & Vicki and Colin.  And earlier on in the game we had Randy (I am your biggest fan) and his girlfriend Cortney.   Sometimes Sir Charlemagne came out to play and busted his version of Stray Cats and Roger Rabbit came along eventually too.  It was like a club. 

The girls at Mongos tonight were the opposite of whatever it was we ever were.  We used to make an entrance when we arrived.  We were all loud and ready to drink and party and hang out and sit in the front row and cheer and sing along and DANCE along.  I remember busting out the chairs and dancing to whomever claimed All that Jazz or Cabaret for the evening.  I remember the Thunder and Lightning sequence for when Brighteyes sang Total Eclipse of the Heart.  I remember the hard core sound behind Seanah’s voice when she busted out Bring me to Life. And I remember after Wicked came out and I was given the karaoke CD, Kaza or more affectionately then called "MahRooooomah!" and I would sing For Good and make ourselves cry or she’d sing Popular and I’d do my best rendition of Wizard and I or Defying Gravity.  I remember Kevin singing We All Die Young from Rockstar and how even today I get chills and have to scream with excitement, pulling me away from whatever conversation I was in at the time.  

But you know what?  Nobody does that at karaoke anymore, not at Mongos.  It’s not that family place anymore.  Yah I know the karaoke guy, and I know some of the regulars but it’s not as Party as it used to be.  It can be really lonely looking around and seeing the Twenty Something Year olds with their girlies just chatting, and they can’t be bothered to sing or have fun other than drinking their beer, tossing their hair and flirting with the Security guys.  They can’t be bothered to get up and sing together or separately.  No one grabs their boyfriend/husband and sits him on a chair front and center and sings "let me entertain you" the way Mandy used to.  No one sings Welcome to the Jungle and bust out into the splitz like Loke did.  And that classic old school mic that Kevin had brings back countless memories of watching kaza sing "maybe this time" and it somehow sucked you out of the present world into a time warp because her voice and that mic and the silence that hushed over the crowd when she began singing.  

No one buys you a drink if you are a stranger and they liked your voice or the song you chose to sing.  And I know I can’t turn the clocks back but sitting there tonight, with a couple Mongos regulars and I in my no make up and leg warmers, looked around and thought – I’m Thirty now.  And most if not all of my friends that I used to play with are married or have kids, or both or are far away having moved and it makes me ache …just a little bit for not taking enough pictures.  Or not buying enough shots or somehow celebrating that we were all together having a blast.  I love my friends and their kids, and their spouses – but I miss them too.  And sitting there tonight, pretty much alone (Mr. Man is working in San francisco this week) just made it more than a feeling of alone, I was lonely.  

And sure, I have new friends too that I play with.  Cincinnati has become an all time favorite, Hi we have matching tattoos of the number 99 to show proof of our undying love for each other and on Wednesdays you can find us at Mr. Ricks busting out Michael Jackson rounds, Show tune rounds, Paula Abdul rounds and Alanis or Sarah or whomever.  And I LOVE it.  I DO.  And when she busts out All That Jazz – I dance.  I’m much larger nowthough.  I’m less limber, I sometimes use a stool and spin around, or I sometimes use a chair but also every time I do it – I miss all the other girls who used to do it with me.  I miss karaoke being a show sometimes.  

Now when you see me at karaoke I rarely dance around, I’ll mostly steal the mic stand and hide behind it, Rockstar style so I have something to hold on to or perhaps create that barrier between me and this ‘new’ audience.  

And yah I see Kitten (Jen Law) and her son Peanut (Jacob) from time to time and she came out a couple weeks ago to karaoke.  I see Nahnnah (Seanah) and the Caper (Atreyu) here and again and she came out once a couple months ago. . . I haven’t seen kaza since 2006, wait, there was that time we had coffee and "hashed it out" slash listened to each others sides, I think that was last year in 2008.  Brighteyes I see when she comes down from the Bay Area, Adriane comes out when she can.  I still get to see Kevin and Vicki at Harry’s and that sometimes feels like home. . . and Yes – I get that a bar shouldn’t be home but when you dedicate time…I mean…like…Years to a certain group and then it all goes away slowly – you realize later it actually happened very fast and then you realize again.. . it’s all in the past.  

I don’t know.  Maybe I just miss my early twenties too much.  Maybe I miss dancing and theatre too much.  Maybe I just miss YOU too much,. . . all of you.  And all the changes you’ve made in your lives I’m proud of you, and glad I get to somehow be a part of it whether it’s reading your life here, or actually getting to SEE you – but I miss you and subsequently – I miss US.