I found the Whole Foods on accident today.  Well,  I don’t know if it’s “the,” as in “the only” but it is “a” Whole Foods none the less in Columbus Square today.  I had before, headed downtown for an appointment on E 21st street, then heading back up town remembered I wanted to go to the Michaels Arts & Crafts.  Although there was construction, I successfully took the R-Train Uptown to the B-Train Uptown where I got off at 96th and wandered a bit.  I had some time to kill and it was nice to be out without it being gross weather or pressured for time.  I was alone, but not lonely. Central Park was right across the street but I didn’t want to go in there and get lost losing track of time reading and walking around.  So I stayed on the street.  I passed a Natural Food store and noted it until I crossed the street and came across a ginormous Whole Foods.  I wanted to go in and leave with good yummy food, but alas, I didn’t have money with me for food, or in the bank to run my debit card.  But I sent a message to my assistant noting where it was so I wouldn’t for get.

I found the Michaels next to the Sephora and TJ Maax.  I walked in and took the escalator down to the store level and immediately felt at home, which in turn, made me miss home.  I grabbed a cart and started walking slowly around remembering to only allow myself to get what I had gone there for.  But I wandered still, and I touched beautiful frames and looked at paper and stickers for scrapbooking and I thought about the projects I hadn’t finished that are not packed in boxes in a garage in Nipomo, CA.  I found 10-for-$10 aisles and smelly-good candles and frames.  It was on my list, so it was okay.  1 8×10 red frame and a 4×6 one as well.  I felt, better in the store.  Less poor or something.  I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but, not to be mean, it was also nice to see some white people.  I live in Domincan and Black people land, that is not racist, and I’m not PC so don’t get up in my grill for that.  And living there is …well…it’s not, it’s not the movies-New-York

No, I knew when I decided to move here I was not going to live next door do Carrie Bradshaw and shop at Barneys on my days off.  I knew I wouldn’t be able to take a taxi everywhere and eat out and super nice restaurants where celebrity sightings often occur.  I knew I’d be dealing with weather conditions of all kinds, with busses and trains, with walking and stairs.  But its hard to “go out” and see where you’d like to live, or be, or whatever and see stores that offer real vegetables and food that isn’t expired or overpriced milk.  It’s hard to “go out” then come home and walk up from beneath the streets where the trains are to what you know is the path home, a smelly garbage lined cement sidewalk spotted with years of old gum and animal droppings.  And yes, we have cockroaches.  Yes, in the house, on the counter, in the hall, and for some reason they are in the bathroom.  They are not overwhelming, they are here and there, and I dare not walk barefoot in this house.

My apartment is actually cute on the inside.  One long hallway and rooms off to the right.  Ro and Mattie’s room, then the bathroom, then the kitchen, then Antoan’s room, and at the end of the hall is a door to the living room and off the living room, is my room.  it’s nice being at the end of the hall.  Away from where the boys smoke in the kitchen and the cat shits in front of his litter box.  I have 2 windows in my room and if there is a breeze I can feel it.  My room is larger than I remember Kaza’s was, or Ro’s in her old apartment.  It’s smaller than Seanah’s bathroom was when she lived out here though.  I remember that bathroom, wow, and the tub was gorgeous too.  =)  I digress.  I have tile on my floor, which helps keep it cool, it fits my queen size bed and desk and new book shelf that I use for my DVD’s.  No TVD’s of course because remember, UPS “lost” it, or the “contents spilled out and were not found.”  I call bullshit, but again – I digress.

I live almost at the top of Manhattan by 157th, and I work on 34th street.  School is on E 71 st and I need maybe another job with a catering company.  This is my last week at The Restaurant.  The Restaurant is in Harlem by 126th & 7th Avenue.

I am, now, a bit home sick.  There are people that are staying in contact with me via fb, text, email, actually calling me..etc and there are people I haven’t heard from since I left, and equally they haven’t heard from me.  I still haven’t seen SATC 2, and I want to REALLY BAD, and I still haven’t seen Robin Hood, and I want to.  I haven’t been back to Central Park since Antoan and I went, and with schedules as they are I’m going to start stomping the grounds of New York alone and not worry about sharing it with my friends/roommates.  We all have lives we’re trying to live, we all work and try to make ends meet, it’s just – I’m new here, still learning, still awestruck knowing amazing things are yet to be seen here and then…I get off the train and reality sinks in.  Where I live, whats available for me to eat tonight, which is a can of soup by the way so that’s nice…, and tomorrow I work again.  I stga, then come home, then go to The Restaurant.

When school starts I imagine I’ll feel a bit more “here” and certain of all of this.