Today, and the steps I take
I need to remain in the moment. Much of my time lately has been spent thinking “ahead” which inevitably overwhelms me with stress, anxiety, ending in tears curled up in my down comforter. This was the same problem I had in school at PCPA. My teachers urged me to stay present, they could “see” essentially that I was thinking to far in the future of the scene, or the movement piece. Which is also what could possibly explain why I suck so much at improv. People think I’m funny. I’m a great storyteller, I’m animated, I use voices and gestures and this makes me funny to them. I’m not funny, I’m just…those things I listed. We’d be given little plot lines or situations at school, just as a fun warm up of some kind, and I could never truly an fully invest, my brain went to fast. I watched, I’m a “watcher” apparently more so than a “doer.” This “watching” ability allowed me to take in more than other people I was working with. My senses were attuned, I was listening, seeing. touching, sniffing. I did well with masks, I remember. . . hmmm. Anyway! So I have no idea what point I wanted to make…
Today I left for work at 7:30am. I had my purse, and my duffle bag. My duffle bag containing work shoes, hat, apron, gym shoes, pants, sportsbra, t-shirt, bandana, iPod & earphones.
Today I walked down 64 stairs, down the hall then down 4 more stairs. down 68.
I walked 2 blocks to the subway and down 32 stairs, swiped my metro card for the 1- train and waited for my ride to work. down 32
I arrived at 34th street and climbed 32 stairs to the street, crossed it, walked into the Macy’s building and up 25 stairs (floor 1 1/2) and showed my ID and went to the elevator to go up to the 5th floor. up 57
After work, I took the escalator down, to level one, walked outside and down 2 blocks to the A C E train entrance. Down 30 (or so) stairs, swipe my card, down another 30 to cross under the platform, then up 30 stairs to the platform for the A-Train (express). down 30, up 30
I take the A-Train from 34th street to 200th (this took 30 minutes) and I exit the train. I go up 25 stairs to the street. up 25
I walk into Duane Read and buy a padlock, a purple one
I walk into the gym doors, Planet Fitness and down 21 stairs to the lower level where the weight machines and lockers are. I change and lock up my stuff in a locker. down 21
I walk up 21 stairs to the main lobby level, then up 24 stairs to the cardio floor. up 43
I get on the treadmill where I lose track of time starring at the big red R for Radioshack and I am walking. I walk at a 3.7mph speed on a 3.0 incline. After 30 minutes, I begin running. I don’t know how long I’m going to run, couple to a few minutes I imagine. The next thing I know the treadmill is descending its incline and mph. I ran 15 minutes. I “cool down” listening to Freedom by George Michael and consider this time for my dance/walking. I am not panting. I step off the treadmill, wipe it down with the cleaner and go down 24 stairs to the main level and down 21 to the lower level for stretching. down 43
I do some ab work and I stretch, I finale my day at the gym during Halo by Beyonce (yes, I too was surprised) and I get my stuff out of the locker. I head up 21 stairs to the main level. up 21
I walk 2 blocks to the train and down 35 stairs and swipe my card and wait for the train. down 35
I get on the train and ride a few stops and switch trains to get to my stop. I exit the train and climb 32 stairs to the exit, than up 32 stairs to street level. up 64
I walk 2 blocks and walk up 4 stairs, then down a hall, then up 64 stairs to my door. up 68.
I don’t do math. But that is approximately down 229 stairs, and up 308 stairs, with my purse & duffle bag.
A fun fact: there are no stairmasters in the cardio room at my gym.
I came home and sat on my bed in silence for a couple minutes until my stomach yelled at me. I fed it.
And now, I’ll watch True Blood from this past sunday, then shower and do it all over again tomorrow. Give or take a stair here and there, give or take the treadmill and time spent on it – as in, maybe tomorrow I’ll do something else at the gym. But the stairs, my small victories of getting here and there, they will exist just as they are, tomorrow.
Posted on August 20, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.
One) It’s the small victories that make a difference
Two) I have the HARDEST focusing on the now. I’m always so pumped on getting “there” then all of sudden I realize that I have a ton of stuff to do before “there” happens. It’s like graduating from school, you can’t wait and then it’s just done.