So Far Feb.

February weekends have been pretty good so far.  First weekend in Feb I got to see The River on Broadway starring Hugh Jackman, from the front row.  It was super fun.  There was a scene where he was cooking dinner.  Preparing a fish, a trout of somesort, and was cutting vegetables and a lemon, his chopping skills seemed normal and someone applauded.  It was hilarious.  He was so close walking by I could’ve grabbed him, but I refrained.

Second weekend my housemate Yaya and I went to see Cabaret.  It was her Christmas present to me.  I didn’t get her anything–because I suck.  I didn’t get anyone anything.  Nothing for family or friends.  That can be hard sometimes.  Wanting to give, and being unable to.  Cabaret with Alan Cumming and Emma Stone.  It was awesome to see Alan Cumming, he’s so adorable and fun.  Emma Stone was fine as Sally Bowles.  That role doesn’t need to be superb, she needs to be edgy and belong at a place called The Kit Kat club with smoking and booze everywhere.  She did just fine as Sally.  I enjoyed it.

This weekend is Valentine’s Day.  I’m not currently off the market, so to speak.  I am not a bitter single person.  I rather like my single-status lately.  It is by choice for a few reasons.  I do, however, on the occasion miss having a man in my life that cares about me that wants to be with me “for reals.”  I say “for reals” because the offers I get are more for things more…casual.  That’s a polite way to put it.  Casual.  And although that too is fine, and I’ve dabbled, it’s not what I want right now.  Yesterday was Friday the 13th. oooOOOooo.  Today is Valentine’s Day and I got home just before 8pm.  I have wine, Apothic Crush.  I have my snack: ritz crackers with cream cheese and salmon.  A snack I haven’t had in a few years and just craved the other day.  Where I’d typically have carrots and humus, or some other form of snacky thing for dinner–the snack this week is yummy and a nice change of routine.

Yes, there is a guy on my mind.  No it’s not serious.  Yes I’m open to it becoming serious, but that comes with SO MUCH MORE stuff that it can be intimidating or nerve wrecking , and why think SO FAR in the future?? Why not just stay present and see what happens.  Let my stomach flip when he texts me, or leaves me a voicemail.  Let my face hurt from smiling.  Why not just…be.  heh.  I can get caught up so easily and flustered and race scenarios through my mind and have fake dialogue to pass the time in my head while on the train, but…why?  Why not just…be.  =) So I am.  So I’m home tonight, and he’s with his family, and we are supposed to see each other tomorrow.  I hope he does come over, I will live if he doesn’t.

Next weekend, who knows.

Class and Clinic.  Work.  I’ve dialed back from 4 days a week to 3, lets see how that goes.  It’s not ideal but it’s important for me.  And my bosses may or may not like it, they may or may not understand it, but it’s important to me–and I’m uncomfortable talking to them.  They don’t come across as people who care about the well-being of their employees, just their business.  And since I’ve never been in their position, I can’t relate and blame or not blame them for caring or not caring.  heh.  Regardless, I have to take care of number one.  And in my life, that’s me.  No one is going to take care of me, except me.  If I don’t get things done, they won’t get done.  The only thing that makes all of that difficult, is not having a strong support network here.  No family, no close friends. I have acquaintances and a few friends.  But NY is difficult to be a close friend.  No one here would be able to be an emergency contact, know what I mean?

But, I’m fine.  Overall.  Day in the life.  Tomorrow? Maybe something new and exciting.

About Aiy_M

5'9" barefoot

Posted on February 14, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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