Aiyani Mersai

I found the Whole Foods on accident today.  Well,  I don’t know if it’s “the,” as in “the only” but it is “a” Whole Foods none the less in Columbus Square today.  I had before, headed downtown for an appointment on E 21st street, then heading back up town remembered I wanted to go to the Michaels Arts & Crafts.  Although there was construction, I successfully took the R-Train Uptown to the B-Train Uptown where I got off at 96th and wandered a bit.  I had some time to kill and it was nice to be out without it being gross weather or pressured for time.  I was alone, but not lonely. Central Park was right across the street but I didn’t want to go in there and get lost losing track of time reading and walking around.  So I stayed on the street.  I passed a Natural Food store and noted it until I crossed the street and came across a ginormous Whole Foods.  I wanted to go in and leave with good yummy food, but alas, I didn’t have money with me for food, or in the bank to run my debit card.  But I sent a message to my assistant noting where it was so I wouldn’t for get.

I found the Michaels next to the Sephora and TJ Maax.  I walked in and took the escalator down to the store level and immediately felt at home, which in turn, made me miss home.  I grabbed a cart and started walking slowly around remembering to only allow myself to get what I had gone there for.  But I wandered still, and I touched beautiful frames and looked at paper and stickers for scrapbooking and I thought about the projects I hadn’t finished that are not packed in boxes in a garage in Nipomo, CA.  I found 10-for-$10 aisles and smelly-good candles and frames.  It was on my list, so it was okay.  1 8×10 red frame and a 4×6 one as well.  I felt, better in the store.  Less poor or something.  I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but, not to be mean, it was also nice to see some white people.  I live in Domincan and Black people land, that is not racist, and I’m not PC so don’t get up in my grill for that.  And living there is …well…it’s not, it’s not the movies-New-York

No, I knew when I decided to move here I was not going to live next door do Carrie Bradshaw and shop at Barneys on my days off.  I knew I wouldn’t be able to take a taxi everywhere and eat out and super nice restaurants where celebrity sightings often occur.  I knew I’d be dealing with weather conditions of all kinds, with busses and trains, with walking and stairs.  But its hard to “go out” and see where you’d like to live, or be, or whatever and see stores that offer real vegetables and food that isn’t expired or overpriced milk.  It’s hard to “go out” then come home and walk up from beneath the streets where the trains are to what you know is the path home, a smelly garbage lined cement sidewalk spotted with years of old gum and animal droppings.  And yes, we have cockroaches.  Yes, in the house, on the counter, in the hall, and for some reason they are in the bathroom.  They are not overwhelming, they are here and there, and I dare not walk barefoot in this house.

My apartment is actually cute on the inside.  One long hallway and rooms off to the right.  Ro and Mattie’s room, then the bathroom, then the kitchen, then Antoan’s room, and at the end of the hall is a door to the living room and off the living room, is my room.  it’s nice being at the end of the hall.  Away from where the boys smoke in the kitchen and the cat shits in front of his litter box.  I have 2 windows in my room and if there is a breeze I can feel it.  My room is larger than I remember Kaza’s was, or Ro’s in her old apartment.  It’s smaller than Seanah’s bathroom was when she lived out here though.  I remember that bathroom, wow, and the tub was gorgeous too.  =)  I digress.  I have tile on my floor, which helps keep it cool, it fits my queen size bed and desk and new book shelf that I use for my DVD’s.  No TVD’s of course because remember, UPS “lost” it, or the “contents spilled out and were not found.”  I call bullshit, but again – I digress.

I live almost at the top of Manhattan by 157th, and I work on 34th street.  School is on E 71 st and I need maybe another job with a catering company.  This is my last week at The Restaurant.  The Restaurant is in Harlem by 126th & 7th Avenue.

I am, now, a bit home sick.  There are people that are staying in contact with me via fb, text, email, actually calling me..etc and there are people I haven’t heard from since I left, and equally they haven’t heard from me.  I still haven’t seen SATC 2, and I want to REALLY BAD, and I still haven’t seen Robin Hood, and I want to.  I haven’t been back to Central Park since Antoan and I went, and with schedules as they are I’m going to start stomping the grounds of New York alone and not worry about sharing it with my friends/roommates.  We all have lives we’re trying to live, we all work and try to make ends meet, it’s just – I’m new here, still learning, still awestruck knowing amazing things are yet to be seen here and then…I get off the train and reality sinks in.  Where I live, whats available for me to eat tonight, which is a can of soup by the way so that’s nice…, and tomorrow I work again.  I stga, then come home, then go to The Restaurant.

When school starts I imagine I’ll feel a bit more “here” and certain of all of this.

This last monday was Memorial Day.  I didn’t have anything work related on the calendar and no major plans to be had.  But I needed a few things from Target so I woke up around the usual time…noon, 1pmish – don’t judge me!  I tend to stay awake until 4 and 5am!  So…I woke up had some oatmeal and coffee and headed to Target.  I took the 1-train uptown to the Bronx and first checked out Marshalls for shirts – no go.  And I may have found something if I wanted to dig with everyone else there, all 4,000 of them but I decided against it.  I left, dropped by the green apron for an iced grande soy caramel macchiato and went to Target.  I needed to get toilet paper, 2 red bath towels and shirts for the green apron.  I started on tuesday, so my last chance to find clothes was monday.  I found women’s polo shirts for $10 a pop so I took 4 of them and went to towels.  I found nice towels, the correct shade of red that I wanted and a decent price – since I was only buying 2 I upped my spending limit on towels.  shrug.  Then I wandered and stumbled on a espresso colored book shelf in a box requiring assembly.  It was the color I wanted and the size, and they didn’t have them the last time I was there and they are $49.99 so I had to make a choice…just then I looked up and saw the sale sign for $26 and I said DONE .  It’s mine, I don’t know how I’m getting it home but it’s mine.  It was heavy.  I used to be strong…and I’d like to think that even now I can lift heavy things..but…it was heavy.  I saw a couple gents watching me and I thought for a second what are they staring at?  then I thought…why aren’t they asking to help me?  then I realized it’s because they were just stupid and moved on with my life.  On my way to the checkout line I found cards.  I. Love. Cards.  So, with time to spare – again, no where to be, nothing to do, I mosey’d (sp?  i have no idea) about the aisles.  45 minutes later….

I got to the checkout stand fine and rang up $127 worth of stuff.  For a moment I went…but it’s just 2 towels and toilet paper…and 4 shirts…and a book..shelf…and …swipe.  The debit card went.  I had brought 2 of my own bags with me, doing my part to go green as it were, and they were full so I had them and…the book shelf.  I stared at the box and mentally prepared myself for the block walk to the stairs that led 3 stories up to the train, then I thought about the train ride and a/c, then I thought about the block and a half from the train stop to my door and the five flights of stairs to my door and of course assembling it.  Engaging abdominal wall.  I picked up the box and walked up the one flight of stairs to the front door of Target and before I could get outside a man simultaneously took the box and said “Taxi.”  Not question mark, taxi – period.  I was saved.  A gypsy cab none the less, they’re not metered they sort of negotiate a price, I guess.  I told him where I was going and he said $15 and I said YOU BETCHA.  And I enjoyed a quiet, a/c included, car ride to the my building and found out Antoan was home and he said to let him know when I got home, and he’d come help me.  And he did, and it was fantastic.

I was winded and sweaty and excited about my shelf.  I first got my laundry together, including my 2 new red towels and headed back down the 5 flights of stairs to the laundromat next door.  I started my load of laundry for $3 and walked back up stairs and gather a bowl and my flathead and philips screwdriver and hammer and b.  Well, they were Matt’s tools but I grabbed them none the less and emptied the contents of the box.  it was going to be perfect.  Exactly what I wanted.  I emptied the screws and nails into the bowl and separated the pieces and read through the directions before beginning.  It wasn’t until the timer for the clothes had gone off, 25 minutes, that I realized I had already put something on backwards and prepared myself to have to return from the laundromat and take 4 screws out.

Down the 5 flights of stairs, laundry from washer to dryer, and up 5 flights of stairs.  I’m hot, I’m sweaty, I’m in jeans.  I’m so sweaty in my jeans I can’t get them off, lucky for me my fan was blowing on me the whole time.  I got the 4 screws out, turned the piece around reattached everything.  Then…the fan broke.

swear word.

I move the fan away, the music closer and get more water.  I continue to attach pieces and the alarm goes off again.  it’s been 50 minutes already????  Down the freaging 5 flights of stairs, get the laundry, up the stairs, fold it, hang up my shirts, put the sheets back on my bed, get more water and continue to assemble this now piece of crap.  Crap, only because I’m hot and sweaty with no fan and it’s taking me too long to do.  Another half hour goes by and I’m done.  I’ve stood it up and sent a picture of it to K.  I have at this point earned more water and food.  I sit long enough to cool down enough to peel my jeans off and put on thin, light jammie pants and eat my 2 pieces of pizza.  I go back into my room and unload my DVD’s from their 6 month stay inside the boxes and happily place them in alphabetical order on their new shelf.  I step back, and I am pleased with myself.  It’s not crap after all.  Oh good.

I shower, I sleep with the windows open even though there is no breeze only humid hot air.  I go to the green apron, I come home for 30 minutes, I go to work at The Restaurant where the a/c is broken…read “broken” or perhaps they don’t pay their bill.  that’s just a rumor we have no proof ladies and gentlemen, it is …broken and I’m in my black long-sleeve shirt with a t-shirt underneath to absorb all my sweat.  I’m dripping sweat down my legs.  Hi.  I work, I  come home, and shower and have no fan to assist in cooling me down.  I sleep with the windows open…even though there is no breeze, although at least it is not nearly as humid.  That was nice.  I wake up I have coffee and oatmeal I run my errands I have  headache from the heat, I take a one hour nap and wake up staring at the broken fan.  I stare for less than a minute before I’m up and on my way to the kitchen for a screwdriver.  I take the front off, and realize the little plastic fan thing has only fallen off the piece that spins.  THAT’S IT???  So I stick it back on, press hard to try and get it to stick and screw the front back on, plug it in and literally feel…the winds of change.  I shower, I sit on my bed in my thin jammie pants and tanktop and relish in my victory using tools this week and watch a movie and wait for K to call me and say goodnight.

He calls.  We chat, we say goodnight.  I type this.

The end.

Briefly, the third dawn I experienced here in NY I think was the best so far.  I had video chatted with K for about 4 hours last night…yah…4 hours, it was just like we used to when we would sit on his couch and agree to watch a movie then end up talking for hours instead.  It felt like home.  And even as I curled up for sleep and heard the birds yapping (they don’t chirp here, they yap, at least by my building they do), I welcomed the sunrise.  I was the right amount of tired and completely content with my evening. And I slept very well.

I don’t know how many dawns I’ll post about or will experience.  But when I’m done with them, I’ll be done.  shrug.

Tonight was salsa night at The Restaurant.  My last experience with salsa night was the first time I was at The Restaurant and just watched.  It was insane to watch.  People everywhere.  Dancing sweating, drinking, then sitting at a different table and wondering why your server never got you that 5th drink…only to realize MAYBE it’s because YOU moved.  sigh.  And the A/C was broken. . . I should type that as “broken” last time and although it was turned on tonight we couldn’t feel it.  I had some tables, that’s nice, some ordered food, I remembered to give them their roll-up of silverware, I punched in their drinks and got them, I checked in on them through out the night.  A success I’d say.  No one yelled at me or hated me.  No one asked to speak to my manager, no complained about the food or the portions or the prices.  I only had one problem, I ate something that my stomach said “ABSOLUTELY NOT” too.  I will not go into details.  However a helpful part was Ro made me some gingerale with bitters and it helped.  She said I could go if I needed to and she’d watch my tables, but I wasn’t sick-sick, I just needed the food I ate to be…removed from my body. (clears throat)

At any rate, although the night seemed long and hot, I survived – however, i’d like to make some comments and place some concerns to some of the patrons, here, in this place::::

Ma’am, you do not need denim shoes and hair accessories if you are going to sport jeans and a jean jacket also.

Sir(s) I appreciate your gentlemanly look.  You came in with your suits, your three-piece suits, your matching suits, but just watching you dance for 4 hours wearing the the suit and never removing the jacket makes me have a heat stroke. wow.

Mullets. are. out.

ma’am if you are going to attempt to sport a dress that is obviously made of stretchy cotton and for someone 10 sizes smaller than you, please wear undergarments as the fabric stretches and reveals just about everything.

Mr. Sir that “runs” salsa night, as in YOU sell  the tickets and this is your event – you cannot  go into the kitchen and discuss stuff with the chef.  She’s cooking. They are ALL cooking and if you’re question is “is this just the menu for tonight?” you can ask any of us that are on the floor.  We are the ones in all black, sporting black aprons.  We’re the ones you try to boss around until you realize we’ve walked away from you because you. don’t. boss. us. around.  And you don’t need to put your hand on my arm to hold me in place while you speak into my ear.  I know it’s loud, but I removed your hand from my arm twice already in my life.  Do it again, and I remove you’re whole arm.  Thank you

Folks…FOLKS…excuse me FOOOLLKKSSSS???!!!!  Do not use the entrance as an extra dance space, the runners need to get food past you, the hostess needs to seat other people, I am carrying drinks on this tray and now you have made it so your drippy sweatiness has cause a slick residue on the floor.

Dear the-only-white-couple, although I appreciate your getting out and trying new things and new restaurants etc, and I know you’ve been taking some kind of dance lessons but you cannot attempt the last scene of Dirty Dancing unless you speed up,  and do it on the dance floor – not next to the kitchen door.  Also, if you haven’t noticed, it’s crowded so mind the arm extensions mmkay?

Do not look at me and say “hellooooo” creepy style and look me up and down.  This is unacceptable because you are old enough to be my father, you are drunk, I am at work and mostly because I DON’T LIKE THAT.  And my boyfriend will kick your ass.  Or you know, some other high school saying.

Dear granny who brought your salsa dance shoes and worked up the dance floor, then later changed into your jazz shoes because …well my guess is the heels started killing you – good for you.  You looked great out there tonight and I’ll bet decades ago you were a star performer, and I wonder if you are a teacher.  I mean that. =)

:::::::

The night ended, well – my night ended and I successfully closed my checks out, did my closing and clocked out.  I stood waiting for the bus for 10 minutes before REALLY wanting to be home and showered and hearing K’s voice, so I hailed a gypsy cab and arrived home.  I know I live in sort of the ghetto, but sometimes there’s real relief when I see the little chinese place 50 paces from the white archway that landmarks my buildings front door.  Sometimes it’s nice to give a nod and say “hey” to the guy closing up the little mexican food place next door and a small smile to the guy sitting by the door with his eye patch.  Shrug.  I feel safe in my neighborhood.  It’s loud with sirens sometimes and people blaring their spanish music or rap. It’s mostly populated by dominican and black people – yes I said black, get over it and I’m a halfbreed.  But it’s not terrible and beautiful parts of NY are a mere train ride away.  Almost a month here now, almost, and although it felt like home immediately in my room, in my space, the lifestyle I am embarking on is also beginning to take shape and I’m okay with how it’s coming along.

“It’s the natural law of the universe: I did the work; I felt the feelings; I suited & showed up; I pushed the envelope; I stayed open to all sorts of unwanted, uncomfortable and heinous truths; I repeatedly acted in appropriate ways to those truths. That is The Basic Formula for how to acquire healing & growth.” – friend of a friend of a friend

“We want them to be emotionally intelligent and socially aware” – Kitten