I don’t know what to call this, it just ……is

I arrived in Pismo Thursday evening at aboy 7pmish. “Sticker Boy” (as BrightEyes and Seanah have decided to call him) and I went to subway for a sandwich then hung out for a bit. Chit Chatted, then I met up with the girls at Harry’s for a little SkarieOkie time. Tired by 11pm ish / 11:30ish, I went home and slept.

And guess who had to work at 6:30 in the morning….so guess who’s alarm went off at 6am!!! Thank God I could get back to sleep. He left me his keys so I could get back in during the day if I needed to. I successfully locked myself out, and successfully broke back in. Don’t know if that’s a good thing, or a bad thing. And no, I won’t tell you how I did it, but I will tell you I did not have to climb down any chimneys. Showered, I went to Los Osos to hang out with Daaaaana for a few hours. We went to Lenny’s (man I miss tasty food!!) We both had the new Chicken Ranch Melt. And can I say if you want fat/tasty goodness…..get that!!! We tootled about in Morro Bay a bit, then she had a job interview so I tootled alone for a bit, then she came back and we went back to her house and hung out and talked more. Then I went back to Pismo and got ready to go see Smurf’s play (Peter Pan at the Clark Center) and originally Neil was going to go with but he had to watch his son…..yes his son. So cool cool, I go with my family and sit in the front row and it was MAGNIFICANT!!!!!!! Amazaing for a high shchool production, and quite frankly better than some of the productions I’ve seen about in the community. I’m sure having more toys to play with on stage and the size of the place has a HUGE play on how great a play can come out, so kudos to the AGHS Players, if you will. My brother got to be harnessed up and flew about – quite cool. Then it was to some bar who’s name escapes me where Kevin was to singing with Trouble in Paradise. He was suppsed to sing more but the guy he was “subbing” for, if you will, showed up, so he only got to sing a few times. But when he did….you KNOW it rocked – I mean come on…it’s KEVIN!!!!!! Then to Pismo to Sleep.

Saturday to Rikster’s soccer game – I thought it was at like 8:15, but my mother later told me it was at 10:45, so that was good. But guess who had to get up and go to work at 6:30? That’s right!!! So guess who woke up at 6a!!! That’s right. BUT I was able to back to sleep for a couple more hours. Woke up showered went to the game. We won 3 to 2, and the Rikster made one of those goals so that was AWESOME to see. He’s so good at everything he does, it’s amazing – my brothers are AMAZING. Then to Mark Cunningham’s house in Los Osos to talk music. He wants me to sing with them sometime and maybe go on tour with them next Summer, that would be cool. He made me dinner and can I say YUUUUUUMMMMMMMYYYYY!!!!!!! We shared a bottle of Red wine and eventually got a little loopy and started dancing about the living room. Hahahah – good times, noodle salad. Then it was “home” to change and get ready for Saturday Night at the Dunes. Colin showed up, Ro showed up and her old roommates Dave & Alice. It was fun. All that Jazz was sung again by your’s truly and all ther girls were dancing with – it was great. Then Kevin made some classic remark about how it may have looked like we choreographed all that, but we didn’t – we just really can “do” that. It was funny. Ro sang Cabaret and Seanah and I pulled off some fun chair tricks. I only drank 2 drinks, got tired and went “home” at about 1:45. Then the Sticker boy called me to tell me he was going to stay with his friends who got drunk, and I instead stayed at my mom’s and he brought them to his pad. No BIG deal, but the timing could’ve been better. Couldn’t he have called at an earlier time so I wouldn’t have to wake my poor mommies ass up to tell her to unlock her door? Whatever. Sleep was the most important thing on my mind. So settled now (and yes I remembered to set my clock back) at what’s normally 2:30 became 1:30 and I climbed on the comfy couch at mommies. 6:30am rolls around and the whole house started to stir to get ready for church. NOT IN A GOOD MOOD. I WOULD LIKE TO SLEEP.

I so I got up, kisses Riki and told him to tell his mom I’ll call her when I get home. (Among other reasons that I don’t feel like listing) I left AG by 7:30am and made it home by 10:30. I had to cancel lunch with Shawn Jaques and I missed Step-Brandon’s play. I felt awful. I still do, but I had to get back here. And on the way here the skies in Ventura went from Blue to an imidiate orange grey. All the fires had been carrying on over the weekend and I drove right into this wall of smoke and ash. Trying to conserve gas, I didn’t turn on the AC but I was DYING of heat. I hopped on the 126 (courtesy of Seanah) and drove by at least 6 fires. One of which seemed to be only a few hundred yards away had everyone on the freeway pulling over, so as not to creat a traffic jam. I was on of those people. Turned on my hazards and pulled to the side of the road. I’d never seen anything like it. I just stared and watched this Red wave take over all these trees and the black smoke as it raised turned into grey smoke and blew EVERYWHERE. I don’t know how long I stayed and stared but eventually I pulled myself away and got back on the freeway. Before that one there were 2 smoke piles – meaning I couldn’t see flames, and after there were 3 smoke piles and when the 126 turned into the 5 South there was this line of fire, that looked like someone drew a line and lit it on fire. It went over like 3 hill tops and I tried to just pay attention to the road, but instead, like everyone else I just took my time passing it and glanced once in a while. I’ve NEVER seen anything like that with my own eyes. It’s a different reality when it’s on TV, and when it’s just off the Highway you’re driving on. So I got home hopped online for a very brief moment, took my aggressions out on Roger Rabbit – which I would like to formally apologize for, and will….poor guy was just trying to be cool and easy going and bit his head off. So I went to sleep. woke up at about 3:45 and decided to make food. Oh but wait….WE DON’T HAVE ANY so I opened the last can of corn and the last can of green beans and cooked them and made some rice. Poured the veggies over it and added a little teriyaki sauce. Can’t say it was the best thing I’ve ever had – but it was food and beggars can’t be chosers. Watched The Matrix then hopped online to update this bad boy and the husband put on Matrix 2 that he borrowed from a friend. So I think I’ll go watch it.

Let it be known that I’m extremly POOR and will not be able to make it SLOville for sometime. Please keep me in your prayers, your good thoughts, your happy vibes (minds clean kids; my mommie reads this!) and whatever other positive stuff you can send to me. Everyday there is a new challenge and so far none of them are getting better. No I won’t tell you that to your face. Aries’ are so if you ask me how I am I’ll only tell you what I want you to know, or what you want to hear. I don’t like to talk about my problems. I’ll go over them with really really really really really close people, and don’t take offense if you’re not one of them. I don’t like to let negativity around me get on you – I try to keep you safe from that. I do it because I love you and the few people I do trust such things with have been through much more with me. No one better get mad at me for any of this either – I can’t take it right now. Get mad at me later when I have the energy to fight back, deal?

I Miss:
Mah Roomah, Randy Bear, My brothers, My sisters, my mommie and Randy, my dadda and terri, PG, Seanah & BrightEyes, Vickie & Kevin, Rich and his amazing BBQ’s, Cortney & Caleb and Randy, Colin, the ease of SLO life, Roger Rabbit, Port o’ Sub sandwiches, clean air, cool breezes, talks with Jax, Hobees, Freedom to buy shoes when I feel like it, Retail Therapy in general, Food Therapy. I miss the feeling of not worrying what will become of what’s happened to me, I miss the feeling of ease the feeling of comfort. I know this is what I asked for but it’s still difficult. I hate feeling alone even though I know I’m not. I’m fine being single, I don’t NEED someone but it’s nice to be thought of in a new way. It’s nice to have someone’s eyes glance this direction and the feeling be mutual.

Be proud of me, I haven’t mentioned being fat or ugly around sticker boy or anyone “new” to my life. It’s a work in progress, I shall work on not saying it around all you “regular/old” people in my life. Man that sounds awful too doesn’t it? I’m sorry, I’m retarded and words are not making there way to my brain or fingers right now. YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY. so I will leave it at that. I shall go and attempt to watch the rest of the movie, and go to sleep at a reasonable hour and get up and go to work tomorrow and hope. Hope that all will be all right, and all will find it’s way to the surface, because as of now – I’m drowning.

Catch you Kats…..Later

About Aiy_M

5'9" barefoot

Posted on October 26, 2003, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. flehnehfleh
    this *regular old* person in your life loves you, misses you too and IS proud of you for your personal growth…and NO “i’m not saying…” in fact that’s just the point. you’re allowing yourself to *BE* exactly who you are and embracing yourself as you are. and you know how WE feel about *BEing*. without judgement. without expectation. you are a work in progress and if you’re smart (and i know you are!) you always will be! because that’s LIFE! i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you!

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