I successfully ripped a pair of my pants at the green apron.  In the inner thigh, not along a seem so I can’t sew it.  So I go to Mervyns this day to try to find a new pair.  I would go to Gap – as they are the only place as of yet with pants I actually like, in the size I actually wear.  But I’m poor, so Mervyns it was.  When i walk in I go to the right that’s where the women’s clothes are and I head for the pants.  I can wear khaki colored or black pants or shorts or capri’s or skirts – so I’m looking at pants.  I tryed on 6 pairs.  ALL too small, some tapered in leg – I HATE THAT.  SO I walked back out and went for a bigger size, but the was the larges they had.  But, this is mervyns surely they don’t go up to ONLY this size?…..Look over across from Juniors “Womens sizes” meaning, the plus size division.  Now – I’m well aware I am a “plus size” girl.  Well aware.  I’m not necessarily afraid of that, but at times it can be depressing. This would be one of those times.

There isn’t anyone that is large that works in the fashion industry to assist in making sure clothes are made a larger sizes that don’t look like absolute crap.  These are clothes my grandmother wore.  There are too many patterns, to many flashy things.  This by the way does not assist in taking away from the fact that I am large, it only shouts “Look how HUGE i am” AND people need to not make clothes with horizontal lines any bigger than a 10 i’m sorry, it’s just not becoming at ALL.  So……..where are the pants?  Oh HERE they are, my choices are ALL elastic. Why? Because girls my size need to know that buttons and zippers don’t actually exist if you’re bigger.  And They ALL TAPER.  SO – my choices are elastic at the top, taper to the ankle and horid patterns.  Oh the joys of being large.  I kept wandering around thinking there’s got to be ONE pair of pants that *I* will wear.  Not rayon, or silk, or satin – I need COTTON, or poly/cotton. Hell Stretch/cotton would work.  I found a shelf with PLAIN pants on them and looked at them discouraged and found a pair- a, singular, one pair of black pants that have a button and zipper that was marked with my size.  I went and tried them on – TOO BIG???!!! What the–??!!! So across the isle one size fits one way, and back over here they fit bigger and more roomier (because that’s a word). SO – I’m around looking for my “original” size I went in there looking for (when I tried them on and they were ALL TOO SMALL) and low and behold, there they were.  Hidden under some 22’s and 24’s (no that’s not my size i’m still a teen size – that’s a bit ironic and stupid sounding isn’t it?) There it was – A black pair of pants that don’t taper, made of good fabric that button and have a zipper and they were a 16.  They fit just fine.  So I held on to those, as I was SURE to lose them if I put them down.  I wondered about the “women’s” section more – and MY GOD, horrible.

Just Horrible!!!  I feel like telling the fashion industry larger women dont’ want have pants that come up to their boobs and give the tapered high water effect.  Nor do we want to wear those pants with these blouses that look like a kat threw up on it, or like I took the ENTIRE amazon and shoved it ALL on one piece of clothing.  We don’t need effing bows, or shiny wanna be jewels or pieces that look stuffed like pillows and sewed on.  We don’t want REALLY thick sweaters – WE’RE ALREADY BIG AND WE WILL SWEAT TERRIBLY IF WE HAVE TO MUCH ON.  We don’t need crazy wild colors, we need tame, subdued, and mild colors that will assist in accenting and highlighting our curves.  We don’t need/want pants that freagin’ have a hook and eye on the SIDE with a zipper on the side…we can’t see past our rolls to hook it anyways.  At least in the front we have the sense of touch and can remember how to button a button in the front.  We want more options than freagin’ ELASTIC.  And it’s not nice, subtle elastic – it’s 3 inches thick, and can leave marks all over your body from it squeezing on to you so damn hard.  We don’t want pants, shorts, or skirts that are designed to close at the “smallest part of our waist” sometimes that’s up to high – and we wear pants LOWER than that.  and ps, there IS NO small part of my waist – it’s ALL BIG.  Stop trying to sell me glitter and glam – I’m fat, I need something comfy but not stupid.  Stop trying to sell me patterns and stripes – I may be fat but I’m not BLIND and I dont’ want my friends to go blind either! 

Stop trying to tell me I need to wear underwear that covers my entire ass and comes up to my chest in order to look “thinner” the only lingerie that will make me look thinner is a girdle – and they DON’T MAKE THEM in MY size ANYWAYS.  Bras TOO.  So WHAT if you don’t want to make a pink and purple pokadoted bra in a 40 D – that’s fine. REALLY IT IS, THAT’s not the problem.  The problem is you put a seem RIGHT ACROSS the middle of the breast. Why do you do that???? All can see this seem when wearing ANY shirt – it’s not becoming, it doesn’t help lift, shape or support these things so why do the seem thing? and why do *I* all of a sudden need 4 to 5 hooks to hold this thing in place?  And why are the straps bigger than my seatbelt?  I don’t need patterns (again, always trying to pawn off terrible patterns on big girls) I don’t need PADDING.  Honestly – who are these people? The thin foam later that assists in not showing the headlights are on bright on a coldnight is BRILLIANT. But THIN foam layer will do.  THIN.  I mean PLEASE – we’re already big, why do we need MORE stuffing on the girls? eh? 

Shirts and blouses are an interesting issue as well.  So if its long sleeve it will fit my arms but not my breasts or shoulders.  So if I get a bigger size I now look like I’m trying to cover a pregnancy and the sleeves go to my ankles.  And why are all the blouses made of fabrics that I will sweat through terribly and it will show to EVERYONE in the freeworld that I’m a fat sweating pig???? Thanks to some of the people who make them lighter in fabric but too light is see-through and then I’m forced to wear a tanktop thing underneath, of which is normally too clingy and therefore showing off my fat THROUGH the see-through shirt ANYWAYS so why did i bother wearing a big longsleeve shirt?

I understand some big girls are proud of every roll, of every curve – but believe me the majority of us feel ashamed and uncomfortable in our own skin, so why are they making it worse?  NO sexy underwear exists larger than a large – and i AM larger than a “large”.  Fun clothes, jeans, tops and any thing else I put on this body of mine is never actually FUN becuase it doesn’t lift, fit, tuck, hide or support without looking stupid, loud, bright and busy.  All I want are plain bras to hold the girls in place that still cover the headlights in the cold.  I want pants that are lowrise fit my butt AND my thighs and do not taper.  I want shirts that show I have a figure without being clingy hot or see through with animals on them, and underwear that covers the necessary areas without making me feel like I’m wearing a diaper.  I didn’t know I was asking too much

ps.  I wear size 10 shoes, and you can IMAGINE the options I have with that (2 inch heel bright orange snake skin on the sale rack) oh the joys of being a princess???