Hmmm….Where to begin?  I shall rewind to when I had notes to self:

Loke & Sgt. James!
Congratulations.  Loke you looked GORGEOUS and you’ve soooo lost weight, not that you were ever big, but hi – there’s a total difference.  and i’m so proud of you for having your toenails painted!!!!!  and I’m so sorry you two for missing you when I came back to Sunset Dunes.  Vicki said you guys left about 20 minutes before I got there.  We had the show, then STUPID notes, then we had to run certain things and i just didn’t get there.  After I was also VERY Hungry, and the Angry Housewives surprised me by showing up so we ate, and I quickly went back to the dunes to find I had just missed you.  But I’m SOOOOO excited!!!

Opening Night Weekend
Went rather well surprisingly, ….ish.  And to my surprise (as you may have read above) the other Angry Housewives showed up to root me on for opening night.  They had specific instructions and actually came through on it.  They 1, all came together ,2 on one of the dates I “allowed” them too, and 3 wore the color theme that was dedicated to them during the show.  And to my exTREME surprise, they actually wore the “food fight” costumes.  Meaning, Rebekah stole the costumes from the little theatre and they all wore them.  How funny and cool is that???  I don’t know any group of cooler ladies (because coolER is a word) We are all so different but have so much fun together, we should have someone video taping us when we’re together.  Seriously. hahahahahaah

The Director
Has to take over for Phillip (who plays opposite me) this weekend because he has another show to be in.  So last night I went to his house to run lines a few times then lines with blocking.  Then we just sat talking about plays.  And THIS was the director I could sit with and respect.  The director who thought he was all high and mighty and better than everyone else – but had to say it…..had disappeared it seemed.  He also asked me what I thought of his directing and that he respected my opinion because he knows I’ve worked with most ofthe local directors and theatres and such.  Me? He respected MY opinion??? Wierd.  Then we got into talking about how he originally didn’t see me in that role and I asked why he cast me he said becaues I had the best audition and he actually DID think I was younger than I am and I could play younger easier than older.  Gwendolyn was the role I auditioned for and she’s supposed to be late 20’s how funny is that.  And I looked at him like *I* had the best audition.  Granted not alot of people tried out for this but there were at least 10 girls up for the parts.  And he said not that he was displeased with someone elses performance (male in the cast) but he thinks that the guy I auditioned with may have just been more energized and just had a great audition because he was playing off of me.  Which is quite frankly, the BEST compliment for an audition.  At least to me it is.  That was very nice, and coming from THIS director was close to amazing.  he’s not really one to give compliments or say if he likes something.  If he likes something he just lets it be, if not he’ll suggest/direct for change.  He said he took a bit of a risk because he didn’t know me.  But he first casts for reliability and Phillip told him I was VERY reliable (how cute is the 18 year old, brownie points for trying to “get me in” hahahahaha) then for the part.  He said my look was also a little more ethnic than he had preferred but there was no way he was not going to cast me.  That plus his co-founder (lisa, who is also in the play) said I was great and blew her socks off and he better cast me.  I laughed.  We laughed and I was on my way to skarieokie.

New York in December
Will Happen!!!! I leave December 11th and will return on the 17th.  Which means OF COURSE I get to see WICKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;dlfkajd;foiawe;awfj;a f; OMG.  I’m SOOOOOOOOOOO excited.  and hang out with nahnnah and Ro and Matty and MAHROOOOOOMMMAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH……….. L;AKDFJA;OWEUAFJA;SDKLFJA;    hi.

Husband – we need to talk about Utah.  It may have to be….later?…..call me call me call me!

Medieval Times
Michael and I are going the first weekend of November, also to Knotts Berry Farm and the Wax Museum.  fun weekend!!!!! AND I got a fabU rate on a room at the Embassy Suites right next door to Medieval Times.  Granted…….my favorite knight Ruben is not there anymore, nor probably any of the knights that would remember me.  BUT it will still be fun!!!! and I can’t wait to go!!!!

Paul McCartney (mommie had dinner with him and many other celebrities)
Hi, yah. So October 15, 2004 my mommie and sister went to a dinner/fundraiser thingy for Heather (Paul’s new wife) in Century City.  Tables near the front were I believe $50,000 for a table of ten.  The middle section was $20,000 for a table of ten, and then seats farthest away were sold separately at $500 a pop. Where my mommie sat.  however, she said she was only like 6 tables away and could see him just fine.  During the night she almost got to talk to him, she walked up to his table and got like an arms length away and he looked up at her in a sort of “yes?” way and then before she could speak a big bodyguard guy very kindly (my mommie says) said that they were trying to keep as many people away from Mr. McCartney as possible and would she mind just leaving the table.  She said she didn’t mind at all, she was just going to say hello and she walked away, looking at him again and he looked up at her as well – eye contact again!!!! ooooo aaaaahhhhhh (let us remember my mom has loved this man and his music since she was 9….NINE, he is her john mayer) When she turned around she ran into heather and said “oh hello heather” and heather said hello back and mommie kept going.  Sometime during the night she spoke a bit the Jay Leno introducing herself and he said something like she looked like the Soccer Mom type, and she said she was.  She also spoke with….._____ Aniston, Jennifers Dad who is on Days of Our Lives.  And sister stood RIGHT NEXT to Orlando Bloom and Mommie saw Matthew Perry as well.  Sister said Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones were there but they did not see them.  And Paul played about a 40 minute set and there was also an auction and all the money went to the cause they were there for.  Land Mines or somethign like that, like “no more land mines” fundraiser or whatever.  They even auctioned off the plate Paul ate off of, he signed it and it went for like $12,000.  Hello??? Hi. Yah, hi.  SO my mommie was VERY excited and had a WONDERFUL time, and she is on the list to receive emails for future events and fundraisers.  Both she and sister were like “you need to become famous quickly so we can have the closer tables” we just laughed and I said “I’m working on it I’m workin’ on it!”

The Green Apron
I told the t.g.a that my availability starting November 1, 2004 will be 12pm – close.  No more opening for me.  5am is TOO early.  Besides I’ve decided the mornings will be dedicated to my excercise.  I have to lose MUCH weight and reshape my body before I take new pics with Cavaleri.

Cavaleri & Associates
It was difficult but I told them to make me inactive, meaning not submit me or send me on auditions until May.  Cinthia was VERY nice about it and said keep in touch and let me know when I got back out there or when I was ready to go again.

The New Plan
So, I plan on moving back to La La Land in May of 2005.  I plan on going to the gym, saving money, and getting back on track.  I know I need to take more/better pics for headshots and Cinthia knows the photographer she wants to use.  The problem is, living here I miss ALOT of auditions because I can’t go the same day.  And there’s only so many auditions that are for the next day, you know?  And the problem I am having with booking things is also a combination of factors.  On more than one occasion I’ve been told I’m too pretty to be the Character Actor, and I’m too Big to be the leading lady.  I’m not comfortable in this body, it doesn’t feel like it’s me.  All my life I’ve been a bit soft but I’ve NEVER been THIS BIG.  It’s so sad for me.  SO – I’m focusing.  I’m “choosing my attitude” by setting time aside to excercise, setting money aside and having a goal.  My mommie said anything worth getting is worth working for.  And all my life I’ve wanted to be in movies and on television making people laugh and cry.  I know to some people television and movies are not “real” acting and theatre is. Well, it’s still the goal I’ve always aimed for.  And every play,  dance class,  theatre class  commercial class, dramatic class…ANYTHING..every song I’ve sung at skarieokie….. everything I’ve done has been to help me get to where I want to be.  And now, my resume looks good, my training has been with some amazing people, I’m not shy singing or nervous when I cold read.  I’m comfortable in my brain, knowledge is always good, however the next step is how I feel in my skin.  And if it’s not comfortable, I have to change it. 

After The importance of pretending to be 18 with Huge Knockers is over, it is no more plays.  I know the fashion show will come up again, and of course I’d love to be apart of that – but we’ll see.  We’ll just have to see.  I know after speaking with Jason a couple weeks ago we were talking about what I could choreograph but still being IN it, I’ll have to be MUCH more comfortable with myself and my body.  I know most of you think I CAN dance, but if you’re not feeling like you look good, it shows in your face and your dancing.  I’m sure you would agree.

SO – keep me on it!  cheer me on! and don’t let me eat pasta and rice and bread! Only…..protein and veggies and fruit.  Lots of water! The exceptions are when it’s that time of the month – if I want salt give it to me, if I want dark chocolate let me have it – or fear the rath!!!! I think thats it for now.  This will be an interesting next few months.  Please just remind me that “if it’s worth getting, it’s worth working for”  I like that one.