There are few people in my life that I call best friends or good friends.  Most of the people I know are acquaintences/friends-ish.  It’s nothing personal this is not a cry out for help it’s just a set up to what I’m going to write about.

I don’t think I actually fit in to many places, or with very many people.  I think I put on my princess crown and go to the cast parties and drink and act crazy and funny and wild because that’s what I’m supposed to do – or that’s what’s expected of me.  And that’s actually fun and fabulous.  But I rarely just sit with people and talk.  People that will actually listen to what I’m saying, and comment and advice and be involved in my life vs. me puting on a show – if you will.  Right now those two people are Loke and Mandy.  I had such a good time at Loke’s Housewarming party.  It’s refreshing to not be at a party where someone expects me to do a body shot, or there are naked people walking around.  Don’t get me entirely wrong, I go to those parties but I don’t really fit in at those parties because I have a tendency to get uncomfortable.  My talks with Loke and Mandy the past couple times I’ve seen them have been helpful and again, just refreshing.  It was so nice to open up to someone who just genuinely wanted to know how I was, and what I was up to.  They asked about PCPA, and Wicked, and my heart.  And quite frankly my heart has been fluttering about lately not really knowing what to stay focused on. We talked about Stephen Riley Holbrook (and we’ll get to him as we go)  We talked about working out, and working, and movies and living in Paso Robles.  A place, by the way, I didn’t know was that beautiful.  So ladies, thank you – thank you for being a pair of ears and a good voice to hear.  Thank you for your hospitality and your kind and insightful words.  Thank you for remembering what I say to you – it does mean alot.  Thank you for always wondering how I am….how I REALLY am.  I appreciate it, and I appreciate you.  And I truly and honestly look forward to playing with you more often.

Stephen Riley Holbrook, I call him Mr. Stevers,  came into my life a few years ago.  He was the lead singer of a Christian band called “Hows Kelly.”  My sister really liked the band, got my mom hooked on it and she helped them find places to play around here while they were on tour.  Most of them became good friends with my mom, they all loved Ben and Rik ( of COURSE, who wouldn’t??!! 🙂  )  My mommie was very good friends with Mr. Stevers, and they still are.  They are great prayer buddies and have a great bond.  And he was always cool to me too.  He has kind of a dry sense of humor, but if you catch it, it is funny.  Anyways,  whenever I am in the midst of “rejuvinating my faith” is what I’ve been calling it I like to contact him.  His music during Hows Kelly was always a good thing to hear because it was pop and just good to hear.  (I often get sick of the slow dragging Lord of Lords, father of lights, be my shepard …songs)  There music is just fun to listen to.  So I recently contacted him  as I’ve been refocusing my life and found out he’d been working on a new demo and he sent me 4 songs he had.  I LOVED IT…..I LOVE IT STILL.  I remember calling him practically in hysterics telling him I loved the new voice he was going for…it’s much more edgy and kind of breathy (i’ve always like that, HELLO JOHN??!!!) And again, his lyrics and music were just FUN to listen to.  He asked me what my favorite one was and I said I hadn’t listened to all of them yet, just the first one.  He laughed and said if you like the first one you will LOVE the second.  And GOOD LORD he was right.  LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT.  and quite frankly the third one is about ME. lol – he doesn’t know it and that’s ok.  It’s just a fun song and my favorite part is “She likes to laugh for no good reason, has shoes for every season. . . ”  So I told him I wanted backstage passes and electric and acoustic versions of all the songs.  He just laughed and said I was totally making his day.  It was fun, it was cool, and this too made my heart happy.

My note to self says “bear” but I don’t know what I need to report on that – so I’m gonna skip it.

I’m still wanting to record my songs.  Blue Universe is $60 an hour and Tom with Moon Productions said $45 an hour.  He was nice, I’ll probably just stick with him.

My brother Rik (the 12 1/2 year old) made his first Grandslam on Tuesday May 31, 2005.  He’s on the Athletics in Little League and has been hitting home runs almost EVERY game for the past two weeks, and the ONE time I wasn’t there the bases were loaded and he hit it out of the park.  I got a little upset that I missed it and he kind of made me feel bad about it.  Then when I said I know he was just trying to play around with me, but I was still feeling bad he just said I was acting.  So I said I was sorry I missed it again, then talked to his sister (that’s my favorite sister) and she was like “are you okay” and I just said no.  Told her I was gonna get off the phone and just to tell Riki that I was really upset that I wasn’t there, and he shouldn’t try to make me feel bad.  A couple days later when I saw him he was smiling and handed me a baseball.  It said “To: Yani  1st Grandslam May31, 2005 I love you” and he had his signature on it too.  I totally started to cry.  And he said he wanted me to have it so I could still be apart of that day.  He’s just such good little brother, and such a loving little boy.  How could I NOT cry.  I almost refused it, it was first EVER grandslam.  He LOVES playing baseball he wants to play for the Yankees one day (can we all hear kaza going crazy right now?) and he didn’t want to keep it for himself???  Just such and adorable little baby that boy is.  Such a sweet little man.

I’d like to thank Brighteyes for being such a good organizer and keeping me in the loop with Relay.  I know I committed to it, I’m still here – I just have dumb shifts at the green apron. Thank you to Amy for making posters and being my corner buddy during the first like 2 hours of the car wash on sunday.  It was cool to be dancing around out there, and not alone. lol.  Thanks Sergio for the hugs, you’re a good hugger!  I’d like to thank my favorite sister and her matt for coming out to skarieokie on saturday night.  I rarely get nervous or embarrased to sing, but it was a fun tingly feeling having new people hear me sing Defying Gravity – and to those that put up with me singing it too much, I thank you as well.  Kevin you rock as a glinda.  Thank you to Mr. Stevers for praying for me the other night on the phone when I needed it.  Thank you to the Angry Housewives for still hookin’ up every fortnight – you ladies are so much fun.  Thank you to Loke and Mandy again, my heart thanks you and so does my mind.  Sgt Jim, thanks for grub and hugs – it’s always great to see you , I miss you guys already!!!!!!  Chad thanks for saying it looks like I’ve lost weight – after 3 months I needed it.  Bear thanks for coming out to play and always kicking my ass.  Thank you to those who encourage me to keep working out.  I’ve NEVER been small, or well – tone and lean.  NEVER.  So it’s even MORE difficult for me to keep in mind my goal of what I want to look like.  Because it’s not getting back to something, it’s creating a whole new me.

Allright – i have yet to write about San Francisco with rebekah and adam from the band i brought home,  and…..”tea with who?” didn’t happen, but i’ll let you know what did – eventually.  And no, it’s nothing exciting.  Member I said rejuvinating my faith.  A part of that is letting go of some anger and resentment – and I contacted one of the three people I resent and hold anger too.  I contacted Brandt Michaels.