Ladies and Gentlemen.  Today I’m taking Peach from the palace @ pacific pointe to the sisters condo in santa maria.  We do not have online service yet and i don’t know when we will.  I’ll do my best to stay on top of whats going on in your world, and i’m not sure how you’ll know what’s going on in my world, know that I go to school 6 days a week and stga on mondays normally a morning or afternoon shift.  I no longer work at kennedy club fitness, which means i no longer have a gym membership there either – yes i’m upset, yes i feel fat, but i’m still eating very good drinking lots of water and soon i’ll start a new routine at my sisters house integrating my old pilates tapes.  Beauty and the Beast rehearsals start in approximately 2 weeks then i’ll REALLY never have much time. 

I’ve had a fabulous last couple of weekends hanging out with all you adults, though sometimes we don’t act like them – the point is that we ARE them and can CHOSE to act differently. 

Amy, fabulous last night
B.E, thank you for reminding me
Sir Charlemagne, you SO rock and crack me up
Rookie – lovely to speak to you though brief, I shall locate those VHS’s and I’ll watch the DVD you let me borrow and get it back to you
Jess – it IS an oven mit and it was hysterical

Call me, Text me, let me know I still count even though I won’t be around.  Wierd, I feel kind of sad right now, kind of the same sad when I moved to la la land and always had to walk down to the corner to the internet cafe to quickly post, or answer emails and what not.  Maybe its just this cold that’s making me feel a bit lightheaded and spacey OR really I’ll miss kaza.

I get the impression she and david think i’m super duper ok with this moving thing.  Though it IS the right thing for me right now for many reasons I didn’t plan on this, it just unfolded this way.  And when we had our talk about what’s going to happen they came across as I didn’t really care, and they need to figure out the money thing without me.  Im’ sure that wasn’t what they were going for, but it kind of hurt my feelings and all I could say to them was I didn’t want the money thing to be wierd.  That I know I signed a lease, and we know Rebekah (landlord) and there were so many factors to this story but I wasn’t just going to slide out the door and say see ya!.  I know they’re planning and saving for a wedding.  I know now that they also have to save enough mula to move out and get another place without me, and I just said it is not my written or verbal agreement, it is a love agreement I have with you.  The money will be there and I’ll help even though I’m not living here until they find a new place.  I still have to apply for a student loan and I’ve FINALLY been enrolled for 30 days to do so, but who knows how long it will take to get approved and all that weird stuff.  But….(small sigh) I don’t know it didn’t seem like we were discussing things the way kaza and I used to.  It didn’t seem like we already knew everything would be ok we just had to figure things out it seemed like “aiyani you’re leaving and ifyou were a stranger you’d owe us more money, but since you’re not….i don’t know” it was just wierd.  And because i know kaza is the only reason I could just sort of shrugg it off and say “i know what they mean” but still……sometimes things that are said, or the way they are said can be interpreted differently.  Case in point

The following may be confusing or random to some of you, but she will know exActly what I mean.. .

Kaza,

I remember when I moved to la la land and, half asleep on the couch in the barn with you on the coffee table, I said “where ever you are, I’m home.” I meant it then, and I still do.  You and me and the Barn was the only place I felt truly truly on my own and at home.  Every where else was someone elses house that I slept in or at.  And even though the palace was beginning to feel like home again I guess I’m just a different person than I was 2 years ago, as are you.  And this is not bad, but I guess things just don’t work out the way we plan them.  I’m sorry if I let you down, I’m sorry I dropped a bomb on the house and I’ll do what I can to help, but I know YOU know that.  One of the greatest things I’ve learned from you is: A time for everything, and everything in its time.  I know things happen for a reason but I also know most of the time I don’t get to know what that reason is.

And I know you and schoo,l and me and school will give us as little time available to play as possible, but I want to see you I want to always hear from you.  I feel that you’ve slipped from me a bit and I’m not sure how to take it or how to deal with it really, but I know that I can voice it – you also taught me to do that.

I’ll love you forever
I’ll like you for always
As long as I’m living
Mahroomah you’ll be