wasn’t even looking
You know that feeling in your chest when the butterflies have moved up from your stomach. Its like melting and yearning at the same time mixed with excitement and contentment and just pure joy……..that’s what it feels like when I’m with him. Haven’t felt like that in . . . in. . . well – can’t say I’ve ever actually felt quite like that. I’m not a fan of the comparing game but, he’s – he’s not like anyone else I’ve ever met. I can’t kiss him enough or talk to him enough or just look at him enough. Caitlin said she was glad I had a new boy toy and I was all of a sudden defenseless. He’s not a toy! I don’t want to toy with him. He’s not a fan, or a fling he’s. . . special somehow. He’s different. And him being different means *I* am different, and that feels great too. How can one person say SO MANY perfect things at the right time? He doesn’t feed me lines, he’s not cheezy, he’s sincere, and genuine, and precious and I’m going to set aside one day to just look at him in the eyes, and one day to just cuddle up next to him and watch movies or TV, and one day to just kiss him. To use the word perfect seems to cliche and at the same time it almost makes him have to be at some level or meet some expectation, thing is – he’s already passed any expectation or hope I would normally come up with. I feel more giddy with him then I have with anyone, and I don’t feel embarrased to practice my scene or monologue around him. He knows thats my work and he’s supportive and helpful and encouraging – and he took care of me when I was sick. He’ seen me dressed up, he’s seen me sweaty and gross or in jammies with a cough and a stuffy nose, he’s adorable and so much more. I haven’t played the “girlfriend boyfriend” card/game in a long time. The relationships I’ve had in the past 4-5 years don’t seem to add up to the kinds of feelings I’m having for him. I didn’ even want to use the words boyfriend girlfriend for the longest time. I wanted the freedom of my name without a title, I wanted to feel detached from the jouvenile nicknames of boyfriend girlfriend – and now………..I’m embracing the words with such delight one would think I’ve reverted to the young teenager in love with Johnny Depp on 21 Jump Street.
Yes, its Cleveland – yes he’s the boyfriend and yes i love it