Nobody Reads This, chapter one
I will be done with PCPA in May of 2007, that is this year. That is THIS May. During my time here I’ve hated my classmates, learned to tolerate my classmates, learned to like (some 😉 ) of my classmates and learn more about acting and dancing, singing, moving. I’ve learned about intention and specificity and story telling. I’ve learned that sometimes I am the oldest in my class, but sometimes I am the lesser educated one.
For my life in general? With this program I’ve learned that to just “be” is not an active state and is a weak choice. It does not move you forward. There was a time in my life when the phrase “yani, just ‘be'” rang so much joy and calmness and I felt centered. But looking back with what I know now, I did stand still and that is not an active choice for me as a person or an actor. I’ve changed – I like change. Change is the only constant thing in this world. Whether we get validated for our choices and our changes, or not it happens. Whether we appreciate it or not, it happens. Whether we have regrets or not, it happens and whether we love or dislike, it happens.
Personally, away from school but during my time here I have:
1. landed at least 3 really good friends I feel I can count on if I need someone
2. Found the love of my life and have already begun spending the rest of it with him, and we are moving forward together. We;re not just “be-ing” in love we are moving forward with it
3. made up with the one person in my life whom I hated, and he hated me too.
4. “broke-up” with Kaza. She went one way, I another and that’s ridiculous drama in itself due to appear in a “memoirs” I’m sure later on in my 60’s. There is a perfect example of change for you.
5. Landed a brother-in-law (ie Shout out to Double T, my sisters husband), and a sister-in-law (ie shout out to Jen, who probably does not know this exists and is the Smurfs wife
6. Will become an aunt by september (ie the smurf and his mrs. are preggo)
7. Have lost contact with many old friends (Jax, Judy n Matt, Brighteyes – that whole crew of people etc etc)
8. Have only skarieokied with Front Row Karaoke maybe 5 times in 2 years
9. gained weight, lost weight, gained it back, lost it again (vicous circle)
10. Have heard more secrets and life experiences from more people that I continue to lock safely in the vault that is my mind as it is not MY business to tell THEIR business.
11. found out my first love was killed in a car accident about 3 years ago
Some are accomplishments and triumphs, others are losses. Losses I am saddened over, others of which I am content. These are the things people don’t read about, this is where this book begins. By seeing what has happened, acknowledging it and choosing how to move forward with it, but then again I must remember that sometimes no matter what I write, however brilliant or uneducated I also keep in mind that Nobody reads this. Sometimes it IS just for me, and sometimes it is for someone specifically and sometimes it is for a group. But if I just write with the idea that nobody reads this, it will be more honest and more of who I am because then I don’t have to worry about vernacular or being PC or thinking I can’t say something to this public or not. I say what I want because I chose to, as people will chose or chose not – to read this.