I’ve somehow stepped into a time capsule and its 2004. Things are the same. Returning to my fathers house was just like the first time back from Burbank. I unloaded my car and suitcase and put clothes into drawers and on hangers. I am jobless, a horrible yet freeing experience. I have already jumped into a mild routine of hanging out with Kitten for coffee and making sure I get to see my siblings and Terry (my dadda’s wife) and her firecracker stories are always fun to hear. I talk to Plantboy, still – or again lately if you’d like. I saw Adam-from-the-band-i-brought-home and Ethan (in New York) and I still chat. I’m excited to go to karaoke, I’m excited to see some friends and yet – things are sooooo different

i’m married – wierd in it of itself, and estranged at the same time (i’m told this is the makings of a good relationship later provided i keep working at it,my opinion on this matter is yet to be entirely displayed) I don’t talk to kaza anymore (our meeting counts, but doesn’t if you get my drift) I haven’t seen Jax and that gang in years, my youngest brother Rik is ending his freshman year of highschool, my nephew baby samuel is HUGE and I’ve already been hired on as a babysitter while smurf n jenn adjust to their new positions.

I’m in the market for a job this summer but don’t see how easy it would be providing I’m only here for 2 months.

and lately I want to run. Yah, – just….Run. Put on my 2 sportsbra’s and comfy clothes, a bandana, my iPod – and run. Do I think I’m running FROM stuff – absolutely. Do I think I’m also running towards something – absolutely.

I’m having these wierd mood moments where everything is fine and fabulous then I’m sad and stuck sitting somewhere with wierd memories and flashbacks coming into my mind. These memories have been gone, or hidden or locked away for some time now so when I flash back to them I kind of get sad. And these memories are here there and everywhere. And for no reason! Then when the memory is finished playing itself out I don’t have the energy to speak. And if someone asks how I am I just say, I’m fine – but you can tell i’m not.

Somethings Missing

a feeling – and a song by John Mayer.