Today was very exciting. Well not really, well…the Day wasn’t, the evening was fun.

This morning I went to Kidz Club at Kennedy Club Fitness in AG, where I have a gym membership (that I have used 5 times in 8 months) and babysat the little critters that I’m used to seeing every friday morning. I recapped my recent life experiences to Autumn, my morning teammate at Kidz Club and ready more of my book. "Betrayed," part of the House of night series Stephanie introduced me to and let me borrow. I headed over to Trader Joes at 10:30am, bought some beef for pasta, some eggs, and some alfredo sauce (not to go with the beef) and a new reusable bag to add to my collection. I’m trying to learn to take the reusable bags with me when I shop.

I came home and watched more Smallville Season 8 on the couch bundled up in "the cloud," a marvelous Ralph Lauren down blanket. After two episodes, 2 scrambled and a plain bagel with store bought sundried tomato cream cheese I decided to go lay down in the bedroom. I only had 5 hours of sleep last night. That’s what I get for being on NO schedule. I’m awake until 2am so I don’t wake up the next day 9am or 10am, but today I woke up at 7am. I slept for 2 hours then woke up and got the wax ready for Bree-Ann cause she was going to come over at 4pm. At 4:30pm I got in the shower, at 5pm I text her with "i guess you’re not coming" and finished getting ready to go out with BoyfriendJenn and Honeybear.

I headed over to BoyfriendJenn’s house and went to SLO, got holiday beverages from the green apron and found a place to watch the parade. It started at 7:05pm, and lasted until 8:50pm. WOW. That was a….LOT of cars and lights and company’s ending with horses pulling santa. Honeybear did great. He didn’t get fussy or crabby. We took turns holding him so he could see and he would get excited by lights and sounds and say things like "nani! Nani! it’s a parade!!, Oh wow!" He’s at such a fun age and talking so much. He’s 2 now, and 40 pounds and tall for his age. yikes! hahahah

At any rate we came home, he fell asleep on the stroller ride up to the car and on the way there and when we arrived BoyfriendJenn put him in his crib. Then I got her all set up for her "interview." I suggested she show the Christmas tree she had and other Christmas decorations for the camera and we could post it to fb or something so Mr. Gutter (her boyfriend Josh) could see the house, since he couldn’t be home for the holidays. She loved the idea and we started at the tree. She showed me baby samuels first ornament, and her first ornament, then showed me the stockings she made. Then there was this great moment when she was showing me the stocking she made for Mr. Gutter and she said something like "this is Josh’s stocking, even though he’s not here" and then you hear someone clear their throat. She stopped and looked behind her and there he was, standing in the kitchen, smiling. She freaked out. He just smiled and then said "surprise."

What a great moment. I’m so glad I got to be a part of her surprise. I spend only a couple more moments there, took a couple pics then when they sat on the couch and she still hadn’t calmed down yet, I kissed her on her forehead and said I love you both and said have a goodnight and came home, to an empty house.

Mark is working up north until tomorrow. And of course – Jack has moved out. I’ve tried to let him know small things by texting "i have your scarecrow hat" but he never responds. He’s removed me from faceyspace and it would seem a 15 year relationship has been flushed. It’s a shame, truly. And quite sad. Life is really challenging me right now, and I want it to be done already.

Anyway, I’m home alone tonight, watching the rest of Smallville Season 8 (2 more episodes to go) and maybe having some ice cream. Maybe do my nails, and probably finish my book, and maybe even start the third one.

Life doesn’t mean much to me lately, then I see my nephew smile with so much joy as he begins to experience his own ideals of Christmas and Holiday Spirit and I feel lucky to be a part of it.
Lately I don’t feel like I really matter, or count, then I get to help surprise my friend and my mom reminds me I have a roof over my head, and family that loves me. I shrug but I see the perspective and I’m trying to climb out of this hell hole I partially dug and was pushed in to.

I feel quieted tonight, I’m guessing I’m supposed to be, and as usual lately – I don’t really think I get to know why.