To date I’ve lost 20 pounds since August 2014 when I started kickboxing. Even with my back screwing me up and setting me back, even with my extremely limited availability due to class, clinic, and work I managed to get there and do the work.  I started to make more of my food at home.  I had already been doing this, taking sandos and yogurt but I upped the ante by making soups and this was helpful as well as logging my water.  I now drink around 90oz of water a day, at least that’s the goal.

The unfortunate part is this last weekend I ate such crap, and so much of it that I fear I’ve gained it all back. And since I’ve stopped (or completed?) physical therapy I don’t have the almost daily core-exercises anymore.  yes, i could totally do them at home and yes i should and yes I was told I must.  I also like sleep.

So I hit snooze.

It’s a process.  I’m not going to be perfect, ever–at anything.  I get up and do what I can in service of what I have deemed “ultimate goals.” And if I choose a pint of ice cream one night, I choose it then I move on and don’t do it again for a while.  I accept me for who I am, where I am, and how I am–and sometimes that’s the most important thing I can do at the beginning, middle, or end of the day.

Yes, I feel gross for having so much junk food in the past 4 days, I’m also over it.  That’s over the junkfood, and over the “feeling” that I have done something wrong.

Sometimes it is the small victories, sometimes it is the larger ones. And as far as my life is concerned, I’ll be the judge of that–not anyone else.

Goodnight Neverland.