This song holds a special place in my being

Don’t Give Up

Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
When your heart’s heavy
I…I will lift it for you

Don’t give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I…I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt that you hide
When you’re lost inside
I…I will be there to find you

Don’t give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I…I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

You are loved
Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
Don’t give up
Every one needs to be heard
You are loved

I awoke to the sound of the freezer shutting.  They have this fridge where there are double doors up-top for the fridge portion, and the freezer is on the bottom.  The freezer opens like a drawer.  I heard the freezer close then I heard another drawer open.  The last time I heard that series of events I looked to see Sammybear trying to open a popsicle.  This would prove to be the same moment.  I sat up and whispered “Honeybear, what are you doin’?!”  To which he cleverly replied with “It’s okay Aunty Yani, I’m just eating my popsicle–mom always lets me have one.”  I chuckled and stood up and walked over and put the popsicle away with my immediate response “yah, right kiddo.”  The lil newborn J.G had been crying until about 4am, and I had hoped that Sammy wouldn’t wake him or his parents, so I suggested we go in his room and watch something.  We watched Dr. Seuss’s Grinch, and Horton hears a who.  By now it was 9:45 and breakfast sounded good, so did coffee.  We had Corn Chex and then went back in his room to play dinosaurs.

Boyfriend Jenn came in and we all went out to say good morning to the little guy.

Laziness feels wonderful.  I successfully dressed myself from the top up (out of my tank top into “real clothes), but couldn’t convince myself to change out of my “soft pants” so I’m still sporting them.  Mr. Gutter took Sammybear to the store and I sat in with Boyfriend Jenn and little J.G. and watched Law and Order.  When they came back they had fried chicken and potato wedges, and potato salad.  Talk about hearty!  After stuffing my face it became quiet time for everyone, I had hoped to nap but could hear Honeybear awake and playing constantly.  So I wrote instead.

After writing the house stirred again, people woke from naps and my phone rang and my face lit up to see my friend Kitten calling.  We had coffee over the phone, we always have coffee when we’re together, and we talked for over an hour.  A real good friend, that one.

I walked into the house and dinner was ready.  It was brought over, actually, by one of Jenn’s friends as a way to help out while she is recovering from just having a baby.  It’s an awfully nice gesture, and it’s pleasant to see kind people doing kind things.  Jenn’s friend, Dottie, brought over lasagna and salad.  It was pretty good.

Then my Maamm called and wanted to skype with Joshifer and see the babester so I read a few pages of the play I need to read this week while they visited.

The most productive I was today was looking at fold up bikes.  I looked up types, and reviews and rated them, and looked on craiglist and at actual bike shops.  A new friend and I are going to ride bikes and run and things.  I’m actually excited.  ME To ride bikes, and or run on purpose.  I’m definitely becoming someone else, these are all good changes though.  He already has a fun fold up bike, so as soon as I get mine, we’ll play.  And the weather is finally becoming tolerable, as in not-snowing or windy.  Spring will be here, in NY, only briefly then the humidity of summer will us.  I think it will still be fun to be outside in the miserable weather riding a bike.

Most of today I did nothing, and it was excellent.  Bedtime earlier tonight than last night (3am) because we’re up and at ’em by 7:30am tomorrow.

We watched Celebrity Apprentice. I’ve never watched an episode, I am right to not watch anymore…however, it IS hilarious to watch people and listen to their “logic” and defense mechanisms. It’s up there with friday episodes of a soap opera.

A friend emailed this to me.  I laughed out loud, which was nice so I’m putting here so I can refer to it whenever I want

Q: Doctor,  I’ve heard that  cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it…don’t waste on exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency.  What does cow eat?   Hay and corn.  And what are these?   Vegetables.  So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.  Need grain?  Eat chicken.  Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).  And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A:  No, not at all.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way.  Beer also made of grain.  Bottom up!

Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No pain…good!

Hoping to rollover no earlier than double digits, I heard Sammy bear’s door open and I heard him climb into the recliner.

Then I heard him jump off of it.

I sit up and look over at him and he smiles “Hi Auntie Yani!” Good morning baby bear, and I stretch out my arms for a hug and he obliges me.  Moments later I’m standing and pouring cereal and making coffee, it’s 8:30am.  Well it was more sleep than I had gotten in the last two weeks.

Sammy bear and I sat at the table and ate our cinnamon toast crunch cereal and Greg, Mr. Gutter’s dad, poured the coffee.  Soon Honeybear was finished and clearing our bowls to the kitchen and reminding me of all the games and puzzles and movies he needed to show me.  I grabbed my coffee and followed him into his room and sat on his bed.  His room is 2-3 times the size of mine, and he has a walk in closet.  The kids bathroom is a jacuzzi, practically–I could get used to this.  No horns honking? No sirens, NO SNOW.  As soon as I got comfy on his bed he started to show me his movies.  Every. Single. One-of-them, one at a time.  He has every Disney movie, I think.  And some good oldies too like “Flight of the Navigator”  I’ve decided this week we will work on him saying “compliance” so when his mom and or dad ask him to do something he’ll respond with that.  I think it’s a clever idea.

After the movies he wants to show me the back yard.  It’s shaded by a jungle of trees hovering over the property, leaves cover the ground like a carpet, and the yard is …huge.  After my jaw drops I hear “It doesn’t stop at that chain link fence, it goes towards that wood fence” I laugh at Greg’s comment and I’m handed a green plastic gardening tool.  I’m in slippers and I tell Sammy bear he needs to put his sandals on, and I get my zorries. Still in our jammies we head out into this mammoth of a yard and pretend to shovel, rake and hoe the yard.  It’s perfect weather and it’s not double digits yet.  Which means it could potentially get warmer, nay it will for sure but that’s what fans and a/c is for.

We eventually come back inside and play a matching game (we called it “Memory” when I was little) with Veggietale cards.  I don’t understand the rules he is playing by, but it’s very exciting to watch him when he finds a match.  The victory and joy in his voice when he says “iiiiiiii WIN” is adorable.  We play three games of this and it’s time for a snack.  He has a yogurt and string cheese and I have some leftover potatoes I found in the fridge.  Now it’s time to watch Scooby-Doo and the zombies.  The deal is, after Scooby-doo we will take a nap.

Movie was over by 1pm, nap time wasn’t until 3pm.  He wasn’t tired, I was. heh.  I’m still trying to catch up from the last couple of weeks.  So we color and he plays with his monster trucks and brings me a plastic hotdog from his play BBQ set.  When he starts to get grumpy is the signal that he’s ready for a nap.  He wants to go to the park, but that’s for tomorrow.  We get his shoes off and I tell him mommy and daddy and his little brother will be home tonight and he gets excited and curls up in his bed.

After everyone takes a nap, Sammy bear and I video chat with sister and he proceeds to show her almost every toy he has, one at a time.  He also sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to her, so she knows what song he sang to his brother.

Joshifer plus baby arrive at 8pm and Sammy immediately has to learn lessons like, your little brother does not need ALL of your toys right now, but thank you for sharing.  That and he will have to learn volume control, hahaha–one thing at a time.

We had Taco Bell for dinner and celebrated with a few cocktails, watched Saturday Night life and my friend Shawn Jax called to check in on me and my life.  Later I had an IM chat with Amanda and all of a sudden it was 2:30am.

Then Sammybear was awake by 8:30am

I was out the door at a reasonable time to catch my flight.  JFK is an hour to two hour train ride depending on what time of the day/night it is.  Leaving around 8:45am/9am seemed good enough.  And it would’ve been had I been flying something OTHER than Delta; for you Don’t Ever Leave The Airport if you fly with them, they make you wait and wait and wait.  My flight was at 11:30am, I had checked in my bags online as encouraged, I printed my boarding pass, as encouraged and arrived at 10:30.  This time, however, was not good enough for Delta.  They said they couldn’t take my bags and I would have to be rebooked.

“the plane is still here, right?”

Yes, but you can’t get on it.  Go over there (points) and rebook.  (smiles)

I walk 5 feet down and another woman smiles and asks how she can help me, the two women originally helping me walked over (all that way…) as well and told her I needed to be rebooked.  She smiles and says she can put me on the next available flight for $50.  My confused and shocked face turned into slight hatred and anger.  “What time is THAT?”  4pm.  “Well, I guess I don’t have a choice, do I?.  To which I get no response other than “Cash or credit card.”  I wave my debit card in the air and set it down.  Seconds later I have a receipt of $50 spent and a new boarding pass.  “Go through security and turn right”  (smiles again) ew.

I get through security and find my gate.  It’s hot, there is no air on down there.  So I go for a walk and call Mr. Gutter and tell him of the crap that is me missing my flight.  I check with another Delta smiley-employee and see if I can fly into a different airport, sure but I’ll have to pay the difference of a ticket.  Which by now is $150, so I won’t be doing that…I’ll be waiting until the 4pm flight.

Oh, look–a bar.

I walked into the restaurant Chili’s and sat at the bar and ordered a Margarita, a bowl of Chicken Enchilada soup, a caesar salad and after all of that I ate a Molten Chocolate Cake.  My meal calorie count was higher than than last three days put together, but I didn’t care.  I paid them and went for another little walk.  I felt beyond exhausted.  I walked into a waiting area that was not housing anyone at that time, guess no flights were coming or going.  I walked to the back and plugged my phone in then used my laptop bag covered in my scarf and sweatshirt as a pillow and hugged my purse and fell asleep within seconds.  An hour and a half later my alarm went off, good thing I set one.  I sat up.  The chairs had begun to fill by now.  I slowly gathered my things and headed towards my gate.  Still hot, still no air, lots of people screaming babies, running children.  I walked up to the Starbucks across from my gate and asked for some water and took my dramamine.  I don’t fly without it.  My motion sickness has lessened a great deal as I’ve become an adult but something about planes taking off and landing makes me queesy still.  We boarded the plane, I was asked if I could “perform the functions of the emergency exit” and I replied confidently “yes” and was allowed on the plane.  Seat 17A.  My lucky number, and the first letter of my name.  Next to the emergency exit, giving me extra leg room.  The couple sitting next to me was kind and personable and if I hadn’t popped the dramamine I probably would’ve had a nice long conversation with them.  That or I would’ve watched the TV that was on.  I was out for 2 hours and in and out of consciousness for the remaining hour of flight.  They had played The Office and Glee during my moments of wakened discomfort.  I couldn’t be bothered to sit up and pay attention, so I adjusted how I was sitting and leaning up against the window with my sweatshirt and fell back asleep.

After we landed it took us a bit to taxi-in, then we were allowed off the plane and I found baggage claim.  By 7:45pm I had all my belongings and I called Mr. Gutter’s dad, who was waiting to pick me up with Sammy Bear, and he came to get me.  They were near by, so I only waited a few minutes.

From there we left the airport and I was hungry and saw golden arches.  We stopped and grabbed some food and headed back to Crystal River.  An hour and half’s drive later we arrived at the hospital and Mr. Gutter was outside waiting for us.  He walked us in, with Bob the security guy, and we walked into room 212 to see resting Jenn and a sleeping little guy.

James Gordon Moffett is tiny and looks like an old man.  He’s adorable.  We visited for a bit, I took too many pictures and got to hold him as well.  By 11:15pm, 11:30pm Mr. Gutter’s dad, and me and Sammy Bear headed back to the house leaving Joshifer and babester at the hospital for the night.  I got settled in by about 1am and was fast asleep by 1:01am, I’m sure. Hoping to rollover no earlier than double digits, I heard Sammy bear’s door open and I heard him climb into the recliner.

Then I heard him jump off of it.

I sit up and look over at him and he smiles “Hi Auntie Yani!” Good morning baby bear, and I stretch out my arms for a hug and he obliges me.  Moments later I’m standing and pouring cereal and making coffee, it’s 8:30am.  Well it was more sleep than I had gotten in the last two weeks.

Last year I was living with The Guttersons (read: Moffett’s, hehehe) and Mr. Gutter had BBQ’d and their friends came over. We, of course, drank Jameson and coke and after I’d sobered up, and they had retired for the evening, I went up to SLO to McCarthy’s and got hammered then stayed in slo.

After a back-to-back at work (closing Wednesday, opening Thursday) and knowing I had to open Friday morning as well, I hadn’t planned on going out for St. Patrick’s day. Ro and I did, however, end up planning on meeting up for a couple hours to celebrate a bit, with full intention to be home by a decent hour for sleepy-time, and awake and out the door by 6/6:30am for work.

I got home from school and Antoan and I were out the door by 6:30pm. Another friend was meeting us there as well, so it was of course going to be super fun!!

We went to the Four-Faced Liar, that’s sort of the home-base bar. An excellent pub in west village, and they know us there (well it’s Ro’s bar, and they know me now by default, heh). So we had a few drinks, I took a sip of someone’s Guiness (still gross by the way, I don’t do beer!! Get off me). Then we moved on to the “Asian Fusion Bar” (I don’t know what it’s really called but I think that sums it up…) and drank some more and sang some songs. Gotta love karaoke night! Ro sang Total Eclipse of the Heart, my friend Mark sang Somewhere only we know (and was awesome), I sang Alone by Heart, Ro and I did our duets: I Know Him So Well (Chess the Musical) and In His Eyes (Jekyll and Hyde Musical). And we of course sang out with any song we knew, good times. After the karaoke fun we headed uptown to The Abbey in the Upper West Side and had one more drink before calling it a night. Antoan headed straight home, Mark and I visited McDonalds where I inhaled a 6-piece nugget thing, a double cheeseburger (with ketsup only) and small fries. Then it was homeward bound.

My head hit the pillow by 3am, my alarm went off at 5:45am. No drunkenness, no hangover, just exhaustion. Finally got home from work by 4:30, took a shower (and still have green glitter in my hair…) and took a nap. And here I am, doing QR homework, listening to the same song on repeat, and trying to not panic about my hellacious schedule next week battling work and school…

Monday: School 8:30-2:30, Work 3:30-10p
Tuesday: Work 7a-12p, School 1-4, Work 5-10p
Wednesday: School 8:30-2:30, Work 3:30-10p
Thursday: Work 7am-12p, School 1-4, Work 5-10p
Friday: gotta be at the airport by 10a for my flight to Florida to see The Moffets n Honeybear n meet Ferb!!

I look at that schedule and wonder when I’ll do my homework and realize it will be in the middle of the night. Then I think “when will I sleep” and I go…this summer?

sigh

Disclaimer: No pics of Antoan are posted at his request. =)

This song has been stuck in my head since my friend sang it at karaoke.  It’s been on repeat…don’t judge me.

Somewhere Only We Know

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I’m getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you’re gonna let me in
I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I’ve been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I’m getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you’re gonna let me in
I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don’t we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go
Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I’m getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you’re gonna let me in
I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

So if you have a minute why don’t we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go
So why don’t we go

This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go
Somewhere only we know?