Aiyani Mersai

Let me tell you something about dress codes. I ….don’t….like…them. Oh! you want MORE than that? You want me to ELABORATE????OK!!!!!!! Let us start from the bottom and go up shall we? afterall, most outfits start with a terriffic pair of shoes.

For arguments sake let’s say I have 50 pairs of shoes. Of those how many do you think *I* would consider “work” shoes. You know, this is a hotel, I’m in a business department…. I’ll say 35. Of those 35…how many do you think are CLOSED TOED AND CLOSE HEALED!!!! Umm…..ok like 5!!!! 4 of which are boots that don’t look that great with the pants or skirts I have so lets safely say I have 1..got that ONE pair of “work shoes” And they’re not heals, or boots. The are black, 3 lack – like boy shoes almost. I LOVE them dont’ get me wrong, but hello???? Going up

Now, what are appropriate business bottoms? Pants? yes, with NO outrageous colors or bright colors or patterns. So I wear really thin striped pants – too colorful? probably. I don’t make a habbit of wearing plaid or poka-dots so we’re cool there. NO capri’s……….what? NO deals! Skirts. Must be no higher than 3 inches above knee. Yah yah that’s fine, but I don’t WEAR skirts. So I looking in my closet I have 1 long black skirt, and 2 (maybe 3) pairs of “appropriate pants.” Higher still to go…

Tops. Shirts. The upper torso shall be completely covered. Nothing sleeveless. If sleeveless one must wear something to cover – umm…k…..Careful of the “Comfortable Colars” We need to look professional. Think to shop for suit jackets and the such. Blouses, things that button up and require a slip tank underneath. Hello??? Hello??? I peruse the closet approximately 7-10 appropriate tops, not that all of them go with the pants I have so it narrows down to 4 – 5.

Jewelery isn’t that big a deal, I don’t wear alot anyways so I can abide by those. No bright nail colors, wear only complimenting tones. (kaza….orange! blue! green! why not!!!) Half the time I only paint my toenail which we’ve clearly stated above that NO ONE will be seeing anyways. So I GUESS that’s OK! Whatever. I’m encouraged to go shopping…………um…….don’t you need money for that? no deals, moocowboo.

And now for my racial moment: Why do cute foreign kids have ugly parents? How doens that genetically happen???? Why are the $.99 stores I go to full of people who don’t speak english. You know if you’re HERE, you kind of have to learn. They are chinese and don’t…wait can’t see where they are going so they hit MY cart 147 times. They can’t read what they’re looking at so why stare at the product? Go home and make something with Sweet & Sour sauce on it. And don’t yell at your kids in your language at the top of your lungs – none of us want to hear that. in ANY language. And you speak so damn fast you think those kids can actually understand what the hell you’re saying??? OR they’re spanish or mexican or whatever. They are no taller than 5 feet which puts the guys eye level at my breasts and they are not shy to stare. KNOCK THAT SH*T OFF ALREADY. If I want to make a run for the border I’ll go to taco smell, but don’t be checking me out. Get your Hot sauce and move on!!!!!!!! And how hard is it to pick out lunch meat. Now, I typically get this at the regular grocery store, but the yogurt fridge was next to the lunch meat fridge and they’re taquito ass and cart are blocking my way. DO YOU WANT THE BOLOGNA, OR THE LOW FAT BOLOGNA, OR FAT FREE BOLOGNA????!!!! Wait they can’t read the difference anyways!!!!! So they go to grab the frozen burritos that they are familiar with but will swear at later cause their madre makes the best ones and why did they buy those???… wah wah wah. And let’s touch ALL the bananas and potatoes. And stare at the bad makeup products and try on all the perfumes and lotions and make the place reak so us halfbreeds can break out in hives and swear in english while smiling – they don’t understand me anyways right? And will the BLACK dudes leave me alone??? Don’t look at me and say “damn”, don’t peak out beyond your hat/beanie/bandana and say “sup girl?” and expect me to swoon. Don’t follow me around the store – you’re not really interested in the different pens they have, but hey! it’s on the same aisle as the toilet paper right??!! WHATEVER.

NOW, I would like to take this time to say I have chinese friends, and mexican friends, and black friends, and white friends, and whatever – purple friends. This is not in anyway spitting on YOU, it is the people I run into and the personality traits that seem to be apart of each one in EVERY PLACE I GO. It’s the stereo types, it’s the fact I’m in Blur-Bank and miss white people…hahahah. It’s that no one in this town says good morning, or smile – except me. I’m trying to change the entire town while I’m here and it’s a slow process.

I like Smart & Final, thanks.

Is the strike over? – I’m a lost toy. I don’t pay attention do I?

Today I went to 3 stores to buy food instead of the gym – but bringing them up from the car was one hell of a workout, so I’d say it evened out just fine. I feel like eating, but I don’t know what.

Audition tomorrow for a commercial at 12noon, then off to Knotts Berry Farm to catch up with mommie, randy (her husband) myfavoritesister, Step-brandon, smurf, Britney, and Rikster. Staying at the Rad Rad Radisson right next door to Knotts, and though Medieval Times is RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET we will not be able to go all together. It’s VERY expensive. Now Paying for one person is one thing but if it’s say $48 a pop, that’s a lot a mula for the parents!!! Yah Yah sister and I have jobs but EVERYONE else would be dependant on them, so oh well. But I spoke with my favorite Knight a couple weeks ago and said “happy anniversary!” cause we met November last year!!!! hahahhaha The real day is on the 23rd…..yes I remember plus it’s written down on the burgerking crowns we get and in the Medieval times photo album. So I’ll call him sunday to say it again – then on tuesday to say happy birthday. He’s still yummy to me.

Boys. Um….I don’t like them anymore. For the longest time they didn’t like me, then they did – at the same time, now they are wierd. Well only 1, well 2. You know, I don’t want to play the role of girlfriend, but I seem to come across that way – so I have to correct them. “no, I’m cool with what we have…really!” Or they get mad so easily when I’m trying to communicate with them about an issue. Which isn’t really an issue, but if I bring it up it seems to be….what what what???? I dont’ get you guys, I just dont. I guess I don’t NEED to, but it’d be nice since I don’t EXPECT ANYTHING FROM YOU, that you’re nice to me all right? Fair enough? And don’t friggin’ ignore me allright??? You have a problem with me, you bring it to me – or you be nice, that’s it!!! NO DEALS.

I’m tired, hungry and I am SOOO PMS. I was crying a couple nights ago about NOTHING, then I was angry for NO REASON. Plantboy made me cry – but I don’t think on purpose, Mentor let me vent, Sticker-Boy depressed me by saying I’m a deeper person than I portray, That I’m not really happy go lucky,and I’m trying to pursue a career that few make it in – NO SH*T SHERLOCK. But what makes him think I can’t do it? He hasn’t seen me do anything to say I’ve “got it” or not. Not that his opinion will change mine, but at the time it was just depressing. Then he apologized cause he knew I was already upset that day and knows he had made it worse – so that was cute and nice. NICE…boys GET IT??? GET IT??? BE NICE. I’ll be your friend longer. And friends last longer than boyfriends anyways.

Ok, feeling better. That brownie I brought home looks GREAT now. Bye

Just briefly I’d like to discuss my day with you. You know, since you’re SO bored that you WANT to read what goes on in the worldofaiyani.com Work. Um I’m the “Sales Administrative Assistant.” This means I’m the new receptionist in the sales department. Without a Director of Sales to be at the beck-and-call for my job is pretty boring. I do a little of this and a little of that. But, I’m sure it will pick up eventually and I’ll feel more comfortable and not swear everytime the phone rings “good afternoon, sales, this is aiyani.” and HI, they won’t let me use a different name!!!!!!! For those of you who don’t know me and hotels, I’ve been in the “hospitality industry” for 6 years, and for the last 3 I’ve used an alias name because well…..i don’t think Aiyani works in a hotel. Aiyani is in the L.A area pursuing her performing career. So I would use Gina, or Lydia (hence the aiyginalydia on AOL IM by the way). BUT THEY WON’T LET ME DO IT HERE!!!!!!!!! NO DEALS!!!!!!!!! MOOCOWBOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I HAVE to deal with people EVERDAY butchering my name like there’s no tomorrow. But I think this time I’ll make sure they GET IT—–like this:

me: Sales this is Aiyani
them: hi naomi–
me: no. it’s AI YA NI
them: sorry, I OH NEE?
me: no. there is no O

or

me: Sales this is Aiyani
them: hi diane–
me: there’s no diane here, my name is AI YA NI
them: sorry, LeiLani?
me: no (click)

or

me: Sales this is Aiyani
them: hi I OH NAH
me: no, that’s not what I said
them: I’m sorry what’s your name?
me: (click)

or

me: Sales….this is Aiyani
them: Hi ArLani, this is Bill
me: hi fred how can I help you?

or (my favorite)

me: Sales this is Aiyani can you hold?
them: sure
me: thank you (click)

hahahahahahahahahah – BrightEyes gets ALL OF THIS….

I didn’t go to the gym today, no motivation. Wanted to catch up on sleep and clean my room a bit. yah yah yah, excuses excuses. whatever – I pay for it you don’t!

I don’t think I can even type much I’m so sore. Yay for me I went to the gym though. Today was Chest and Triceps. It was difficult to wash my hair tonight so you KNOW it was a good workout. I don’t know where to begin. I don’t want to make this a friggin’ novel. I always feel like I’m gonna write a brief “update” but it turns into this bevy of words that don’t really make sense unless you read it a few times – but then again who would read THIS a few times????? So I will attempt a quicker entry so as to not bore or lose my audience.

Friday:
went to SLOville, stayed at Seanah’s in ShellBeach.

Saturday:
left Seanah’s at 7:30 and drove to Adam from the band I brought home…s house in San Fran. Slept once I got there at 11:30ish. Woke up at 2ish, we went and had chinese food. Watched Gangs in NewYork. Went to “Jazz at Pearls” where he was playing. Got there at 8pm left at 2:30am……Long night. Woke up Sunday at….

Sunday:
12noonish. showered watched some footage with John Coltrane and left at 3ish. Seanah and BrightEyes call and say FOOD at Seanah’s while I’m in King City…..of COURSE I will stop by!!!!!! Then to visit Neil at 8ish, then to Seanah’s 10ish, then mommies by 10:30.

Monday:
mailed Kaza’s Christmas box, ate banana bread my mom made. Visited Sister at her Work. Watched “Holes” (yah AGAIN girlies, I remember watching it friday too with spagetti OOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!) with Smurf, went to sleep. Oh wait, watched a recording of “the oreos” that would be Smurf, Step-Brandon, and Rikster playing in a talent show. It was AWESOME!!!!!!!!! Left mommies at 6pmish. arrived in Blur-Bank by 8:37. My closest rod broke so all my clothes fell out everywhere, it looks like when I moved in…..yuck

Today:
Left for work at 7:30. Worked 8 – 5. Went to the gym, got home by 7:30. Had mac n chez for dinner now typin this bad boy.

There you have it, if you feel you did not get enough information reading this please feel free to comment on it or email me and I will get back to you with more details – if I feel you deserve them and I feel like sharing them. hahahahahah

I will be in SLOville wednesday night 11/26 this time with Husband. We won’t leave til after I’m off work though, so you know with EVERYONE else leaving too for the holiday we should be there by Noonish on thursday! We’ll stay and leave Sunday. Then I’ll be back with Kaza on 12/19/03!!!!!!!!! I’ll stay the week and leave the 28th. I’ll have to work that following week. So………….yah. Yah. Good? Good, we’re cool cool cool.

here’s a new phrase:
moocowboo = ewe

Why Why Why!!!!!! The wind and the rain. And oddly enough, you’d think with these so called “problems” I’d be a happy camper. Plantboy and I were IMing last night forever it seemed like. It’s just difficult sometimes. I think I want more, but then I don’t, then I do, then I don’t, then I do. “Vicious Cycle” It’s wanting something to work, but knowing it wouldn’t and still wanting to try. And even after you’ve decided you want to try…do they? Am I even making sense??? I guess boys are confusing but maybe sometimes so am I, so I can’t blame them. Like, we, as girls, want to write the script for the boys in our life so they will say the right thing (hi jax…say the right thing, pull the right string) but all that does is drive them away. So I chose not to attempt to change ANYONE. Either I accept what is before me, or I discard it. I can only be responsible for ME. It’s like needing to get rid of the negative stuff in your own world you know? If it’s not working, fix only what YOU are capable of fixing; then let someone else take the wheel. Man I’m starting to confuse myself. It would probably be easier if I just said EXACTLY what was on my mind, but ….I don’t think I can because I don’t think I can put it in words (like kaza and the lion king the other night kazakahn) And just what, yesterday 2 days ago I was confessing to all that I missed sticker-boy (B.E and Seanah). And I do, I do. But can I miss someone else too? Yes I can. Can I want something more than what I have, yes I can. Can figure this out without getting a headache? Apparently not. And why somehow do I eventually feel “ashamed” for lack of better phrasing of who I am or what I want. Is there a rule book I don’t have, was there a memo I missed? “The answer is out there Neo” that’s what I’m waiting for. I’m waiting for the relationship Trinity to tell me what to do. I’m waiting for the Morpheus of relationships to offer me different color pills. But alas, I feel I’m really waiting for Guffman – who never ends up showing up and all I’m left with was eagerness during the wait, and the disappointment after waiting. I don’t know what to do. Advice is appreciated. So are pick me up cards, emails, money and gift certificates to further indulge some retail therapy. This is wierd to write out, it makes much more sense in my brain. This is what, I believe, it inevitablly comes down to. ….the boys I like, never actually end up liking me more than a blink of the eye. Maybe this is not a bad thing. Maybe I’m supposed to wander about right now and explore and see what’s out there. Maybe I’m suposed to, but i don’t want to – this is the problem.

Paging Dr. Fix-It, Dr. Fix-It she’s waiting for you in room 17
(Sally, please report to me…..kaza and roger rabbit totally get that, but i don’t know who else will)

I will leave you with this: “Good afternoon we’re gonna have a great jump today. Ok, crank a hard cutback as you hit the wall. There’s a screaming turn at the bottom so watch out. Remember Rip it roll it and punch it!!!

Change of Plans. Or….Hear that? It’s the winds of change. Or Change is good. Real Quick:

There is someone I’m thinking of that doesn’t live close to me, that I miss. Not a “friend friend” and you know who you are. Not a family member; I always miss you. This is a boy. I’m 100% sure he’s never read any of these entries and I guess that’s why it’s ok for me to say something about him here. Because it’s safe. You know? I’m not really sure I have a grip on how I feel about relationships, I know that boys are crazy and stupid and girls are overly sensitive and analyze everything. These aren’t necessarily bad things, they just …..are.

I understand long distance relationships can be difficult so I haven’t tried any. I don’t like the idea of them, and I can’t say who I’m thinking about would even want a relationship with me, but if I don’t just say it, I’ll keep thinking about it and I need to get on with other things. I suppose. I mean, isn’t that the right thing to do? Quite frankly what it comes down to is sometimes yah I get a little lonely, sometimes I want a boyfriend sometimes I don’t sometimes I want someone to be cute to me and think of me and call me for no reason. But I have that with other people so why aren’t I satisfied with what I have? I guess we always want what we can’t have. I hate being a percentage of a cliché.

There I said it. Yes, I live in this world of “when I marry john” and “yes I miss john because he’s on tour AGAIN” and the such. And quite honestly that world and I get along just fine. I get up everyday and do what I’m supposed to do and think of John and smile and can’t wait to meet him and have him fall in love with me….so why bother with “real” relationships when my “relationship” with john is so wonderful……um…..I think you can all figure that one out…it’s getting it out of my brain right now that I’m fighting for. It’s not a big deal. I was just thinking about it, and wanted to get it out there. Yah, if Plantboy asked or wanted to be more than friends I’d try it, but right now, today…..

I miss Neil; I miss Sticker-Boy (hi brighteyes and seanah)

No, I’m not too sure what it is I miss. But he’ll call me with good news just because, and I think that’s precious. He’s in the middle of a HUGE transition in his life and I think maybe it’s just ok to him to have someone like me around to cheer him up, lift him up, or make him laugh. Maybe I miss something that isn’t there. Maybe “missing” isn’t the right word. But (hi roger rabbit) I don’t have a large vocabulary so perhaps this whole entry was a waste. Maybe I’ll delete it all and start over. But if I do, whatever I end up writing won’t be raw enough. It won’t be what’s really going on in my brain. But then again, I’m not even sure what’s going on in my brain. But, it’s been proven (via a conversation with roger rabbit) that if I get out everything that’s occupying my brain OUT, I’ll sleep tonight.

On the Brain:
-Evita (husband watching it in the background)
-went to the gym today again. feel good.
-Found Nemo with Commentary
-Call back was today for “States of Grace” it went well, but I won’t know if I got the part for a little while
-Mahroomah and packing her a Christmas box to send to NY.
-PG and Leonard in Denver for New years – got call hotels
-Mentor, haven’t seen him in almost a month
-Mr. Cunningham gave me “tips” on how to talk to him on the phone via the internet….haven’t talked to him on the phone since.
-New Job Position….New Animal in the Hotel industry…Crap I thought I was getting out of this (brighteyes will we EVER escape????)
-Muscles are sore
-piano
-guitar
-John
-new York
-Seanah moving
-Kaza coming home 12/19/03
-coffee, I’d like some
-I miss Medieval times
——I think that’s it——-

Good Night