Aiyani Mersai

I finished.  I successfully graduated from PCPA on Sunday May 20 and my sister had a wonderful graduation party for me and my family.  I looked HOT. lol, if I do say so myself.  I’ll post a picture next time.  By next time i mean maybe later today since I’m not at school for 12 hours a day 6 days a week anymore.  I’m sure I will reflect on my time there as well – but today is not that day.  I will reflectwhen I feel I’m actually done.  Right now I just feel like I don’t have rehearsal today so that’s nice and I’ll clean the house a bit.  

Relay 4 Life this year is Saturday June 30 at SLO High School and Brighteyes has returned as our Captain and the theme is Games – or somethign like that.  This year the “Re-Castaways” are the game MUNCHKIN.  Which I inevitably will have to research since I have NO idea what this game is about.  I think Dave n Alice have it, and I think I even played it once with them over many drinks and after playing many other games.  Needless to say I don’t remember anything about the game.  PS.  If you would like to join, or walk for a bit, or come and hang out, or donate for our cause our site is again:   www.stopslocancer.com 

Amy I miss our BOGGLE time, I don’t think you’re signed up and maybe you are going to be out of town, but know that I was looking forward to it, and I’ll be sad if I don’t see you.  

Jax, are you even out there anymore? If so – HI and the cloak you gave me 5 years ago after I performed in Into the Woods came in handy for my showcase at school.  I played DEATH and everyone thought I was amazing.  And the movement and gestures and voice and make up all helped but that cloak fed me in the best way while trying to find my character.  EVERYONE loved it so you were quite the topic of conversation several times during the last week of school.  

LM – I know you’re leaving soon, and the bridal shower has been moved to a different date, and you will be gone by then.  I know we need to find time to play before then, please call me so we can figure it out.  Hi Diane!

Lynda Mondragon – move to San Diego with me and my jeff.  And I know you said you wanted Blood Wedding and Tantalus?? just give jeffy-jeff money when you see him and he’ll make you a copy.  =)

Anna Ashford – Hope you got home safe today, thanks for coming over yesterday to hang out and say goodbye.

I am currently doing the “Lemonade Diet”.  Its actually the “Master Cleanse” designed to clean out my system and flush out toxins from my body.  So all I drink is this mix of fresh squeezed lemons, Organic Grade B maple syrup, water and a bit of ceyenne pepper.  It actually tastes pretty good.  At night I’m supposed to drink Senna Leaf tea (an herbal laxative tea that apparently assists in loosening toxings from the sides of my intestines etc TMI sorry!) and in the morning a saline wash (1 quart of luke warm water with 2 teaspoons of uniodized sea salt)  Some people lose weight on this, but it is not designed for weightloss.  I did take pictures and measurements so I could see at the end and compare any results.  But we shall see, well – YOU may not see. . . lol but I shall see!

Smurf and his wife Jenn are having a boy.  Baby Samuel Adachi Mersai.  yay.  My dadda’s name is Samuel and Adachi is…his mothers maiden name – I think.  I’m not sure but it comes from his side of the family.  

Wedding plans are coming along, I believe everything is in place, just have to start paying people off soon! hahaha

And Jeffy-Jeff got accepted to SDSU so we will moving in August.  He is going for his Bachelors in Theatre then he wants to go to UC Irvine for his Masters in Sound Design.  Somewhere in there I’ll be auditioning again for theatre (that will be new!) and TV and Films again.  It will be nice.  And the subject of kids has only come up a few times, so not for a while.  Like maybe 3-5 years or so.  

I have to go run errands now, but I’ll see you all at Relay, or ….somewhere I’m sure.  I know everyone has moved on with their lives since I’ve been at school its been really great to have the support of my real friends and family.  Thank you for not throwing me out of your life because of my dedication to my work at school and lack of time for much else.  These last 2 years have shown me who really cares about me, and who doesn’t.  Its been freeing in a way and it feels great to be moving on.  

Thank you, have a great day – have  a great intro to summertime and wear sunscreen

We the People – suck.

People suck. For the most part, they just suck. They can’t drive, they can’t walk fast enough, they can’t drink carefully, they can’t wear their clothes correctly (yes, that saggy pant look gentlemen STILL looks ridiculous), jeans should never be THAT tight, lipstick should never be traced to the bottom of your chin and up to your nostrils – your eyebrows should be made of hair, not a cream pencil. They can’t apologize they can’t admit to being wrong or be humble when they are right. They are liars, they are cheaters, they smell funny (yes we can tell that cheap cologne from the good stuff and marinating in it doesn’t fool us), they are uneducated they are foreign to everyone. People are uncultured and opinionated and right winged and left winged but can’t fooking fly away from all of it can they. People are unbelievable annoying with the way the eat and talk and fill in the blanks with sound effects and the word “like” as if we weren’t having enough trouble understanding them they have to use words that don’t move the story forward. They take too long in the checkout stand, they take too long at the gas station, and you don’t need to sample the Orange chicken at Panda jackass you got it yesterday – stop trying to get free food. They spend money EVERY SINGLE day and most of it is NOT on necessities, most of it is on material memorabilia or some kind of retail therapy that they needed because of how hard their life is. How hard is your life? People have stupid loud car alarms that no one even pays attention to, they have teams for things like bowling, chess and even golf but most of the money in the world is made from destroying teams, or watching them destroy themselves. Teams that are supposed to help each other get through stuff but get “voted” off. Teams whose sole purpose is to try and beat out other teams. And then – THEN America choses everything. All these ridiculous flaws AND we get to decide on who is famous, who is fat, who is stupid, who is ugly, who is creative, who is not, who is resourceful, who is smart, who cooks better, who is prettier, who is taller, who wears the dress better. We decide who has better taste in men and if babies are cute or scary. People just suck. The attitude thing, just sucks and screw you for thinking you are so high and mighty and all knowing and that any and all of your self proclaimed miserable life experiences gives you the right to soooooo much more than the next person. People don’t care. They don’t care about death, unless its theirs or the family member with the most money, they don’t care about life because they are afraid they will have to pitch in and buy diapers. They are afraid of moving on or moving forward because then they wouldn’t have anything to effing complain about – well you know what————-You will get yours. You WILL get exactly what is coming to you and to your surprise it may not be what you always thought you’d get. But your choices are yours and that’s what makes you shift gears and that’s why you feels so damned compelled to go on and on and on with all of your drama and your life stories and lessons as you try to “find who you are” Discovery was thrown away when you started making decisions. The phrase “what if” doesn’t exist with people because they need instant gratification in their sorry lives. I’m over weight but I walked for 20 whole minutes today, I deserve ice cream. What the hell is wrong with you people. You SUCK. You are self righteous and pompous and think ONLY of yourselves, and you think of others only when in the end it will benefit you. If there is no drama – you create it because you get bored with your money and shopping and eating and knitting and coloring and crafting and hobbying and driving and this and that and the other is AAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL not good enough to keep your pea sized brain occupied. Wah Wah Wah – Poor Pitiful you.

Someone out there can relate to this
Someone out there hates this
Someone out there laughed at this
Someone out there was offended by this
Someone out there wants to fight about this
Someone out there will comment on this
Someone out there will not comment on this
Someone out there will be sarcastic because of this
Someone out there will be saddened by this
Someone out there will feel sorry for me for writing it
Someone out there will want to flip me off
Someone out there will pray for me
Someone out there will think this is based on him
Someone out there will think this is based on her
Someone is right
Someone is wrong
Someone doesn’t care
Someone wants to fix it
Someone is thinking how immature
Someone out there is thinking how extremely well thought out
Someone out there will be motivated to change
Someone out there will say kiss off and prove it all
Someone is hurt
Someone feels release and is finding comfort in this
Someone will live
Someone will die
Someone out there will now cheat
Someone out there will now lie
Someone out there will never cheat again
Someone out there will never lie again
Someone out there is wondering where it all came from
Someone out there misses me
Someone out there misses you
Someone out there is correcting my grammar
Someone out there is full of garbarge
Someone out there thinks this is brilliant.

But I’ll bet not one of you thought to ask me if I really believe it all,
Nor would you have asked it of yourself

Why? Because you suck.

It is the brain vs. the heart
It is the rat vs. the race
It is the strike vs. the block
It is the storm vs. the calm
It is the tears vs. the laughter
It is direct
It is the opposite of direct
It is quiet vs. noise
It is water vs. fire

It is anything and everything you want it to be, why do you have to suck? Why do you have to make everything…..suck?

Shame on you vs. Shame on Me

Believe
Believe
Believe

Find SOMETHING and believe in it, then see if it all actually sucks anymore or not.

making you believe vs. telling you, you suck

I will be done with PCPA in May of 2007, that is this year. That is THIS May. During my time here I’ve hated my classmates, learned to tolerate my classmates, learned to like (some 😉 ) of my classmates and learn more about acting and dancing, singing, moving. I’ve learned about intention and specificity and story telling. I’ve learned that sometimes I am the oldest in my class, but sometimes I am the lesser educated one.

For my life in general? With this program I’ve learned that to just “be” is not an active state and is a weak choice. It does not move you forward. There was a time in my life when the phrase “yani, just ‘be'” rang so much joy and calmness and I felt centered. But looking back with what I know now, I did stand still and that is not an active choice for me as a person or an actor. I’ve changed – I like change. Change is the only constant thing in this world. Whether we get validated for our choices and our changes, or not it happens. Whether we appreciate it or not, it happens. Whether we have regrets or not, it happens and whether we love or dislike, it happens.

Personally, away from school but during my time here I have:
1. landed at least 3 really good friends I feel I can count on if I need someone
2. Found the love of my life and have already begun spending the rest of it with him, and we are moving forward together. We;re not just “be-ing” in love we are moving forward with it
3. made up with the one person in my life whom I hated, and he hated me too.
4. “broke-up” with Kaza. She went one way, I another and that’s ridiculous drama in itself due to appear in a “memoirs” I’m sure later on in my 60’s. There is a perfect example of change for you.
5. Landed a brother-in-law (ie Shout out to Double T, my sisters husband), and a sister-in-law (ie shout out to Jen, who probably does not know this exists and is the Smurfs wife
6. Will become an aunt by september (ie the smurf and his mrs. are preggo)
7. Have lost contact with many old friends (Jax, Judy n Matt, Brighteyes – that whole crew of people etc etc)
8. Have only skarieokied with Front Row Karaoke maybe 5 times in 2 years
9. gained weight, lost weight, gained it back, lost it again (vicous circle)
10. Have heard more secrets and life experiences from more people that I continue to lock safely in the vault that is my mind as it is not MY business to tell THEIR business.
11. found out my first love was killed in a car accident about 3 years ago

Some are accomplishments and triumphs, others are losses. Losses I am saddened over, others of which I am content. These are the things people don’t read about, this is where this book begins. By seeing what has happened, acknowledging it and choosing how to move forward with it, but then again I must remember that sometimes no matter what I write, however brilliant or uneducated I also keep in mind that Nobody reads this. Sometimes it IS just for me, and sometimes it is for someone specifically and sometimes it is for a group. But if I just write with the idea that nobody reads this, it will be more honest and more of who I am because then I don’t have to worry about vernacular or being PC or thinking I can’t say something to this public or not. I say what I want because I chose to, as people will chose or chose not – to read this.

So, I’ve successfully signed up for Relay 4 Life again this year, but it’s brough to my attention that our team is not as large as it normally is/used to be. COME ON GUYS!!!! I have so much fun with everyone.
I remember learning Boggle with Amy – did you sign up?
I remeber walking with Joel – did you sign up?
I remember Jax and arielle, and sarryh and logan and sergio – please come play!!!! I’m gonna be there the whole time this year, because I’m not auditioning for summer season at PCPA. It’s saturday June 30th in SLO.

Please everyone and anyone come and play, sing skarieokie, play games, smell like sun screen and walk the track for those of our friends who have survived cancer and in memory of those we may have lost.

This is the link to the Castaways site

http://www.stopslocancer.com

I miss everyone so much, please come and play and catch up with me and everyone else and be the legendary castaways that we all know we are!. . . or that we all know we yarrr!!!!!

So there I was sitting in the light shop at the Marian Theatre in Santa Maria waiting for the Stage manager to call me to my place to run by Spot light, affectionately called “Sniper 2” and there it was infront of me. . .

The Etch-a-Sketch
So its this rectangular shape, red outlined frame and 2 white knobs that reside at the bottom of the grey screen eager for your hands to grasp them and take control of the magnet line they long to draw across said grey screen. One knob will move the magnetic line up and down, the other from right to left.

Now, is this you. Do you stand at a normal, average shape outlined in a bright powerful color, only to remain grey on the inside? Blank with no direction until someone else starts to make your insides come to life?

We are so eager to have people notice us, and grab their attention yet we once we have attention we don’t know what to do with it. You’re on the spot, you stand there drawing a complete blank wondering of course if they will stay long enough to notice you are different on the inside than you are on the out. Why red, does it mean anger, does it mean love? It is primary, it can stand alone – as most of us can, so long as we have a flat surface to stand on. I’ve never seen a circular etch-a-sketch. . . have you?

So if the bottom of the toy is flat as are our feet we can stand and remain on our edgy rectangular shape, our edgy selves. And we can stand up and say I’m important, look at my clean edges, look at my strong outside appearance, and we only ever let those we care about touch us on the inside. Our heart, our soul, our spirit – whatever you’d prefer to call the grey area inside that can change with good news or bad news at the drop of a hat, or as it were – the turn of a knob. That expression you know how to push my buttons is not far off the turning of a knob to draw a line upward, or downward or straight across. And once both hands have assumed the position on these handles, only the owner of the hands knows what’s going to happen. Whether it’s God, or your mother, or your spouse, or your best friend, and God forbid – the person who hurts you.

And then you can think about how many people you’ve allowed to touch and turn those handles. How many people have brushed across your skin that actually have left a mark on the inside, and did you let them leave a mark? or does that line inside of you exist from someone you’d rather forget.

And then of course, you could always shake the toy out, erasing all the lines left behind, but really after time, you can still see those lines – can’t you. After so many twists and turns its not easy to just shake it off, is it. It’s not easy when you also know that shaking something you don’t want off, also might mean giving up something you do want to remember. Maybe something like, I love you but I can’t be around you – and so you shake it all away. And sometimes, if you remember you’d only shake lightly in hopes that not everything would vanish, but more often then not you were disappointed by losing something you admired in their on that grey screen. And after time, you don’t even remember what used to be there, in time all that remains are the old faint lines that have drawn out the inside of who you are.

Do you stand on your own?
Who do you allow to turn your knobs and leave their mark?
Is it worth it to shake it all away, only to know that it will either be gone forever
Do you ever look back and try to remember, and then try to recreate it – is it worth it?
Do you chose to look strong on the outside, only to be blank on the inside in hopes that someone will come along and leave a mark?

Life can be hard sometimes, and sometimes it really is about the ups and downs and the side to sides and about shakin’ it up to start over.

May you chose who leaves their mark in you, and may you be content with the marks they leave.

All right, I don’t want to relive the HUGE issues Cleveland and I had with Washington Mutual as of late but to slightly re-cap. . .

– 2 freud checks were posted, one was finally refunded after 2 months the other was denied (this is not their policy)
– froze account, then closed it because said freud check, but were “kind enough” to open a new account for him
-sent a letter that said your account is over drawn and we didn’t let _____ check clear. Funny, after all that time inside a WaMu and all those “notes” they left eachother they still tried to let stuff go through on the “frozen” account, including ANOTHER freud check. Effing ridiculous.

There’s more – but GGRRRRRRRRRR

SO. . . I need suggestions for a good bank that has banks here and in Los Angeles/San Diego and nationwide preferrably, but at least in California.

Thanks all