Aiyani Mersai

Tuesday we can back to school from our well deserved 3 week vacation. My first vacation in over 2 years. (Normally vacation means more STGA, but not this year!) Upon our return we had to audition for the play “The Man Who Came to Dinner” funny play – really quite a comedy. We had to do 2 monologues. Fine, fabulous, Done. Then we had call backs and I recieved one for one of the wives friends. Fine, fabulous, my head is telling me this character sounds like Miss Miller from the Chipmunks (the chipettes lived with her if you remember correctly) and done. Then I was called back for Harriet – the sister of the man who owns the house. Harriet is 45-50 years old, a little kooky, probably enjoys her drinkies a little too much and in her late teens slash early 20’s murdered her own parents by way of axe. . . well – that’s funny right?! put that in the comedy. No really it actually is funny. And my audition for the role (role jayme!) was probably not THE best, but seriously I’d love to play the kooky old lady who killed her parents and is now hidden from human existance in her brothers attic only to come out for church once a week and to use the restrooms. Laughs all around, for everyone!

And now, The Chalk Circle rehearsals have begun. Bertolt Brechts “The Caucasian Chalk Circle” has been adapted by Patricia Troxel (a genius) and will be directed by her this year at PCPA. We auditioned for this before we left for vacation, and yes I got a call back, no I was not cast. All is well though – I’m VERY excited for the people who get to go on this amazing adventure with the Troxelcon and I’m very eager to visit their rehearsals and be there opening night. I’m also looking forward to not having rehearsals. . . I don’t mean to come across as egotistical but I’ve been apart of all the musicals since I began, or a conservatory projects or a musical theatre ensemble piece (yes most if not all of this is mandatory or a privelage) BUT there is sometimes a place in my heart and brain and in my body that pleads to me to stop moving around and rest. And I know we just rested for 3 weeks, I mean during the school year.

There is only one person who’s been constantly going since school began, with practically all the plays and that is Louise Tremblay, and I’d probably be utterly annoyed if not hate her and be jealous if it wasn’t for her great work ethic and school effort. She is ALWAYS prepared and ready to go and ready to work, and the girl never gets a break – so my dear Louise. . .kudos.

I’m excited to be able to go to school, have time for the gym, and do my homework and maybe even spend more time making discoveries and trying out new stuff with my work at school because time will permit me to do so. Truly, very excited – be excited for me

To those of you in rehearsal right now, congrats and go to bed when you can and eat more veggies with protein and you’ll last longer, to those not in rehearsal – wanna have coffee soon?

lol

is Toys . I realize just by writing that it can be taken in a very sexual manner, that is not my intention. I mean reconnecting to the child in you kind of toys.

Some say the key to a relationship or multiple relationships is communication, trust, an open mind and all of those chicken soup for the _____ books. It’s not, no really follow me on this. When were you absolutely 100% content and happy with no further expectations or feelings of responsiblities last? When did you not worry about alarm clocks and timecards and paychecks and schedules and car problems and TV problems and homework and family issues. It’s when you were a kid and all you needed was your favorite toy.

It was so simple then wasn’t it, you looked forward to going to the store because you might get something if you were good. That’s all you had to do was get in the car with mom, go to the store, not cry or complain and you were rewarded. Now if you go to the store and don’t complain or cry it’s because you only spent $75 instead of $100.

Keep following me here, I’m getting to the relationship part soon.

Now, your relationship to your parent when they gave you something, do you remember that? They were your favorite, they were your hero you were willing to do anything they told you to do from picking up your room to helping in the yard. No, I do not agree with giving small children toys and presents to shut them up, giving IN to that sort of relationship is unhealthy – follow?

SO, if you’re in a relationship you have to come to terms with what kind of toy you are or what could represent you best and in addition to that find out who you’re playing with/dealing with. Are you even compatible? Does barbie REALLY ever date GI Joe? Do the my little ponies ever play or connect with the care bears? And the great part is, you don’t even have to know before going into the relationship. You have to be willing and open (yes that helps in a relationship – but not the key) to accept this person for who and what they are.

Change is a horrible word. No one on this planet is entitled to ask or force someone to change it just comes out dirty, used and less than you began with. Metaphorically speaking as well as literally. You buy something and give that person money, they give you change. What the hell are you going to do with that change accept try to add it up to all the other changes and try to make something more out of it. don’t try to change others, don’t short change anyone else or yourself, you really ARE worth EVERY penny – damnit.

So now we have to be open, willing, and not try to change the other person – do we trust them? Can you? Can you be a limited edition collectible item and fathom hooking up with a dime a dozen plastic toy that might break on you? Well that’s really your choice. You can try it and see what happens, or you can run away from it and try to find another limited edition collectible item on ebay for what you are worth, plus change.

you’re getting it now aren’t you.

The key is know who you are when you are at your happiest and best because that is who you really are. How many times do you ever hear people laugh and enjoy themselves then say “gosh i’m so sorry i’m not really like this – i’m normally a really depressing horrible person”. . . try close to never.

And start at the beginning of joy, that easy place of absolute content with the small things or bright and shiny things because it might just equal that favorite toy you grew up with and handled with such care all those years ago, and when you go back to it and realize how tattered and torn it is now you’ll realize it’s not used up, or dirty – it’s experienced and you still look at it with those fresh adoring eyes the way you did then.

questions to ask yourself:
what would you be if you were a child’s toy?
Are you the same kind of toy you enjoyed playing with all those years ago, or have you changed?
Do you enjoy change?
Are you willing to accept and deny change as it comes to you?

ladies and gentlemen welcome to toy talk by Ai Mersai – those of you over at LJ, welcome back, newcomers welcome – welcome welcome welcome.

So. .. just briefly I’d like to mention that today at school we had what we call a “brown-bag” meeting. Where you can bring in your lunch or dinner and sit and chat with the special guest speaker we have. Sometimes its an old student talking about what their doing and how, and what not. Today we spoke to

Seussical opened on the 11th and it is going rather well.  The kids absolutely LOVE it, and the adults think its one of the best productions they’ve ever seen.  That’s the good part, the bad part is I’m exhausted.  We just had 8 shows this last week and will have doubles on fri/sat/sun upon returning this week.  But, that’s how the professional world rolls, and this is great practice.  It’s different than doing 25 shows with community theatre because of what is expected.  At least what I believe is expected.  And my role as Dance Captain is a challenge for my track because some of my changes must be faster so I can get to the Voms (Vomitorium, those little hallways that go beneath the audience and no not originally meant for vomiting =)  ) to watch some of the dances and make sure people are upholding the  integrity of the choreography and not changing it even a little just because there might be someone “special” watching, and make sure every audience is getting the same show. 

It’s probably the hardest and funest job I’ve received thus far at PCPA. Yes even I believe it’s harder than being a swing because as a swing I had to know 5 or 6 people track and choreogrpahy, as a dance captain I must know it ALL and be able to approach ALL and give notes accordingly.  Verbally giving notes can be difficult when speaking to my peers because they give me excuses or tell me what they learned in the rehearsal hall, and I keep just having to look at them and repeat myself or remind them when it was changed or that they just need to take one step to their right to be alligned with the group correctly.  Then they go saying well so-and-so is doing it too and I have to literally say “I will worry about _____, you worry about you.”  It’s just annoying and difficult.  Have to remind them too that this is my JOB, this is an ASSIGNMENT that I get graded on and I’m doing it the best way I can, and I DO report those that do not take my notes and that goes towards their grades and their marks for professional behavior.  Did I volunteer to be Dance Captain? Nope, was I pleased when I found out I was assigned said position? Nope, But am I doing the best I can with my knowledge of the ALL dances and ALL cast members?  Yes.  So take the note and DO IT and don’t give me LIP!

(medium sigh)
There, that felt good.  Now, I still want you all to come see it.  It’s rather short.  First half is about 45 minutes, second half about 35 minutes, with a 20 minute intermission.  Evening shows start at 7pm (instead of the normal 8pm) and matinees are at 2pm.  Here’s a pic of my Zebra costume.

On an entirely different note i spoke to Kaza the other day for the first time in a few months.  I did not apologize, I did not yell, I told her how I felt and that when I can I’d like to speak to her again.  No everything is not better, and I don’t even know if that’s specifically what I’m aiming for.  We’re both different people now so it’s just finding a place or an agreement of where we are now, and where do we move to – if that’s applicable. 

Another different note.  The smurf, (ben, my 19 – will be 20 at the end of january brother) is getting married THIS december on the 16th.  No i’m not pleased.  It’s an ugly big deal that I’m in constant struggle with and no it’s not about the girl. I don’t even know her.  I’ve spoken to her once and that was the converstaion of “where’s the fire guys? why do you have to get married RIGHT NOW, you met in June!” and i’ve seen her 3, no 4 times now.  It’s about Ben and the choices he makes at the age he is now.  The age is he both physically and mentally.
Please don’t comment on this.

I’m hungry. (what’s new you wonder)

Cleveland and I started watching 24 season 2, so I’m gonna get some homework done, get some food and watch more of that.

I see Antoan in 40 days.  let the countdown begin.

Welcome Welcome Welcome.  It’s now november 5th, happy birthday to Kevin today and to Randy Bear on the 12th, thanksgiving is the 23rd and mommie and some family went to Knotts Berry Farm this weekend and to Medieval times (JEALOUS) and they had the Blue Knight, and THEY WON!!!!!  Mommie said the only knight I would’ve known there was Travis, le sigh – I miss going and seeing them. 

Tech Week for Seussical started friday night with a “Wandelprobe” (pronounced Vandelprobe). We got into mics and the sound guys set levels for us and we sang through the show.  Then saturday day we started Shift Tech, just going into the scene with set pieces then going out and into the next one.  then we spaced through the show, since the rehearsal hall is of course a little different than the stage.  Not like rehearsing in a church or at someone’s house than going to the stage.  We rehearse at my school and the floor is taped out including where the stairs are etc etc etc.  THEN we did a stumble through. . . not bad I gotta say.  and we’ve been playing with all our real props which is fun and different – have YOU ever danced with an umbrella that had tentacles hanging off of it?  It’s actually kinda hard not to choke yourself, blind yourself, or have them end up in your mouth.  ew.  Tuesday we have a dress rehearsal, aswell as wednesday then we have a preview show both thursday and friday then we open on saturday. 

I have a bit of a headache today, not from anyone or even from rehearsal I think I just need to eat something.  Which is a nice lead into my next topic – my weight.

I quit Weight Watchers.  Combination of factors, one is money – it’s $12 per meeting which can add up when you’re not working and living off of student loans, two I got tired of paying them to tell me I gained weight, and three there are some ANNOYING people at those meetings, and they make me want to leave, and they make me want to smack them in the face and say “you don’t get it do you???” or smack them and say “shut up, we’re tired of hearing about you and all your stupid spinach jokes TIRED” and dealing with them at the only time I could. . . 7am on saturdays was just not worth it.  BUT I hired Jon Okerblom (I call him John Trainer) through his website, and he works at Golds (where I go) and he has set me up with a program that he designs for me daily (minus the day he says not to workout, and whatnot) online that I can print up and take with me to them gym whenever I go.  And I check in with him once a week and talk food, and how my week went and he weighed me (then told me how unimportant it was haahahaha) and mearsured my FAT.  After all is said and done, my goal is to lose 30 pounds by July 1, 2007 and he knows it!  And after I started school I had gained back 7 pounds from the 15 I had lost on WW, BUT. . . at last I’m back to my “smallest” which is 191.2.  My goal is 165.

What else?

Cleveland and I picked out rings the other day!!!!!  Some people I know will say, oh you’re supposed to let him pick it out, or design it – and I did at first and we were looking at stuff online for ideas then we went to get our fingers sized – cause we could, and had time – and we found the perfect ring for me , and the perfect ring for him.  Its not what I thought I would want but after seeing it and trying it on – there was NO letting it go so we put a downpayment on it and left.  SO – yes, I know what it looks like, but I don’t know when I’m getting it.  AND – we’ve decided on a place for the ceremony and reception and we’re sending the deposit this week, we’ve also chosen a caterer and my sister and PG are going to pretty much be in charge of the other stuff – I won’t have time.  Sister said to use her flower person so I just said OK – I’ve been dress searching for ideas online and in magazines.  My sister got my the bestest prettiest organizer we call “the princess planner” it’s, of course SILVAH, and I love it.  And I already have a pretty good idea on what the ensemble is wearing – by that I mean the ladies and gents inthe wedding.  we will have both boys and gilrs on both of our sides and I’m pretty set on something.  – – – So. . . that’s that. . . um . . what else. . .

Soon it will be time to decorate for Christmas and that will be fun, and Cleveland and I are going to Utah to see Antoan for the New years – WAY excited.  I love my friends.  What’s most important and dear about my friends is they understand my schedule and don’t hate me because I chose to train in my craft right now.  They know it takes hours at school, and hours away from school and its alot more work than most might imagine – which is why only a few actually make it in the program, and make it through.  So thank you to my real and true friends for believing in me trusting me, and understanding my time restraints and how important it is that in any “free” time I get that I see my family and you.

And on a happy family note I leave you with these:

Happy preholidays everyone.  May those you care about be close, and those you don’t get to see know you care about them.

Today is October 16th. John Mayer is 29 today.

Happy birthday John, I’ve celebrated your birthday for 5 years now, and it was nice to see you a couple weeks ago. You’re hair is crazy, if that’s what you’re going for – mission accomplished. I miss your storiess between songs and you need to eat something, your face looks like you don’t eat or sleep anymore. I understand you recently moved (earlier this year) to Santa Monica and that THAT means I’m supposed to visit more, but I have school and rehearsal – and with you on tour with Sheryl, I really don’t know when we’re gonna celebrate your birthday. I know you wanted to hang out New Years, and I told you that I”m going to Utah and I also told you you are MORE than welcome to come with, but you’re probably going to choose your 25 year old scotch and smoking pot through your vaporizor thing. You already know how I feel about that so I won’t bother posting about it. Again, it was nice to see you a couple weekends ago – I hope the tour with Sheryl continues to be fun and exciting, its fun watching you too sing together – she’s awfully tiny, but tell her I said hi, and that she looks great. Rik (the 13 year old brother) totally has a new appreciation for you after seeing you in concert and has since begun learning Vultures and In Repair – my 2 favorites from Continuum. If you have time know that i would love to have you come see my show here in Santa Maria, and if you don’t i’ll still expect flowers and a card telling me how sad you are you couldn’t be there. Love you, and miss you and will see you next Summer, if not before then.

Different note – Sisters wedding FANTASTIC. Red wine got on her dress at the beginning of the reception but Cleveland and I stayed up late last night to get it out. Remember – Don’t SHOUT it out, . . ZOUT it out. 😉

night night all