Aiyani Mersai

Kaza:

There’s a new girl who works at Sunset that we would love to hang out with more often. Her name is Caitlin, she’s fun.  She’s silly enough to say she ONLY went to Sunset yesterday because I would be there singing. I told her if she thought that was fun, she would LOVE to see US in action. hahahahaa.  Told her she needed to imagine two people “Loud and Louder” and going to sunset dunes became a free show of performances.  Girls Dancing on chairs on people and drinking!!! oh – it made me miss you (even though i do that all the time, it just was happening AGAIN).  Made me miss you , and Nahnnah ( Hi Nahnnah, EscApé) and pretty sure Ro would have fun too – hi Ro, thanks for calling the other day and talk to you again soon.

Kevin:

Thank You, oh karaoke GOD, for singing Jet last night – LOVE THAT SONG, and you SOOOO ROCK ON IT.

Michael:

Thank you for always talking with me.  Always communicating with me your feelings and not walking away from me when I don’t understand, or I don’t WANT to understand at that time.  I had SO much fun last night, and I have SO much fun with you.  Its nice to feel loved and appreciated and to have someone look at me and tell me flat out that I’m perfect and if i never changed how I looked i’d still be perfect.  Its comforting to know that you don’t want me to change who I am, or the people in my life for you – because they are apart of who I am.  Thank you for trusting me and being someone I can call in the middle of the night for anything.  Whether it’s I ran out of gas, or I need you to explain something, or I just want you on the other end of the line while I begin to drift off.  Thank you for letting me talk to you half asleep about NOTHING, and YOU have to get up early.  I think you are wonderful, and you are the most wonderful man that’s ever walked into my life.  The way you treat me is endearing and refreshing.  Thank you for not making me chase you, but also reminding me not to make you run away from me.  Thank you for walking away last night, but knowing I was still standing there and you came back to finish our conversation.  Thank for always remaining calm especially when you KNOW I want to yell, but I won’t do it first.  As long as you are calm, I will be. Thank you for knowing that I will always be honest with you, even if it will hurt.  Thank you for so much that is small to everyone and to the world but a big deal to me.  Know that I think of you all through my day and the wonderful things you say to me, know that as much as I don’t agree, I’m soooo glad you see me the way you do. I’m glad there is not a sappy song on the radio that reminds me of you.  I’m glad songs that remind me of you few people have heard of.  I’m glad you still play your guitar for me and still rub your heart and say “awww” when you like something I say.  I love watching movies with you, riding the bike with you, going to hobees,  and mervyns for pants, and best buy and starbucks to play.  I love hanging out and quoting Eddie with you.  Your still not invited to THE play, but thank you for wanting to go. 

There are things in this world that will never change, and people that will go in and out of your life.  Everything happens for a reason.  People that come in your life are only there for as long as they are supposed to.  And your feelings for them are what they are supposed to be and also, only for as long as you should feel that way.  it’s ok to hurt, but let it go.  it’s ok to laugh, it’s ok to regret and it’s ok not to.  I look forward to seeing who will be a big part of my life next.  A part of me believes in that “out of site out of mind” bit, but I think of kaza everyday – and I dont’ see her.  Think of Nahnnah and Ro and JOHN hahahaa, and Plantboy too.  I think of it more as a challenge on who I want to keep in my mind and who i want to let go. 

Who is on your mind?, and let them know.

Now……….I’m not really “good” with magic though some people tell me my smile is magicAL and my mommie convinced me when I was little that when I smiled the sun came out.

Take the “How Do You Use Magic?” test!  Written by Brimo

I had an audition yesterday.  Drove to La La land and back.  This time I took Michael to keep me company on the drive.  It was for a commercial and pumping gas takes longer than the actual audition.  But everything went fine and we played around in Burbank for a bit too.  Went and had Panda express…mmmmmmmm and played at Target and I got a pair of $.56 heel.  It’s not what you think though.  I got them at Payless and I had a gift card for $15.67 still from my birthday from the girls in Arcadia. So I used it on a pair of new heel, after all – I got rid of 15 pairs of shoes last week, so I’m WELL deserved of these shoes!!!!!!!  I bought some fun little things and that was nice.  Even got Big Business on DVD at Best Buy for $5.99  It’s just one of my favs from growing up. 

The importance of pretending to be 18 with Huge knockers I still dread. Had rehearsal on wednesday – the director bugs me and talks to me like I’m stupid sometimes so I just shoot him looks and I comment on his comments and direction.  whatever.  I have rehearsal for that tonight as well – oh joy.  I have to be off book here pretty soon and I have STILL have no motivation to even LOOK at my lines if I’m not at rehearsal. again – whatever 

I was late to sport the green apron this day.  I was suppsed to be there at 5am, and at 5:19am my dadda woke me up and said “yani aren’t you suppsed to be at work?” and I jumped out of bed and called Captain (Ryan, a guy I work with) and told him I’d be there in 10 minutes, he said Ok – and I got ready.  That was no good, but it wasn’t terrible he laughed at me and said he’s done it before too.

And now, for a nap – haven’t slept well in the past couple days. Keep waking up in the middle of the night multiple times. no deals.

ps. the title is a lyric from the song I’m listening to if that threw anyone’s jig.  Have a great day.

Last night I went to skarieokie for a few hours.  Sang alot since there were like 12 people there, and I didn’t even stay til the end.  I stayed til about 12:30, had to s.t.g.a at 7am this day.  I sang:

Here with me – Dido
Opposites Attract (With the GOD of course) – Paula Abdul and the ….cartoon cat?
Foolish Games – Jewel
Save the best for last – Vanessa Williams
Come What May (with Sir James) – Moulin Rouge
Elephant Love Medley (with Sir James) – Moulin Rouge
This used to be my playground – Madonna

James had come over and told me to sing the madonna one.  Wasn’t sure why, maybe it was just stuck in his head or something – I know that it meant something different to me.  This time I don’t know, I kind of related to it more.  But more so like Sunset Dunes and the whole gang that used to go to skariokie – they’re pretty much all gone.  There’s a few of us left – but no more chair dances it looks like.  Not without Kaza or Ro.  And quite frankly no one sings Evanesence like Nahnnah does.  Everytime one of the other girls I don’t know sing it (or I sing it) I shutter to think what people are thinking, and it’s not terrible per sé, but it isn’t Nahnnah.  Its like if someone else sang ” We all die young” instead of kevin….it just doesn’t fit somehow.  So yah, this used to be my playground made me feel like sunset dunes was becoming or became something we “did” something we used to do.  we used to go to sunset for skarieokie now  wel ALL LIVE IN NEW YORK. 

I don’t mean to imply I have no friends here, but I see kevin and vicki tuesdays and saturdays if I get over to Sunset, Brighteyes and I play once in a while – but conflicting schedules always get in the way of that.  Jax and I try to play  like once a week and it turns into once every other week. And I know I have friends here,  but do we really “hang out”  It’s not to say that maybe we’re just not close enough to call eachother up at random and say “hey come over and hang out for a bit” maybe I’m the “life of the party” but if there isn’t one – why call aiyani.  and I don’t mean that in a poor pitiful me way.  I’m not even mad, just curious and well – a little sad that Kaza, AND nahnnah AND NOW Ro are gone.  I know I’ll see Loke and Kitten and Lani and leah – eventually and around and about.  But, I don’t know.  I think my really really really really really really close friends all live far away now.  Some in Brea (hi mentor) some in hollywood (hi sweetpea) one in Utah (hi husband) and the rest are in NY.  I know I have to get out there, I know I need to save money.  I’m trying – and actually I’m doing a better job now.  I mean, my bank account now is at least always positive, and my tips from work are gas money.  But you know getting paid $7 ($3 after taxes) an hour for roughly 25-30 hours a week and trying to have even little things like a gym membership – are hard.  I mean, I now only have:

Car
Car insurance
Phone
Storage Unit
Gym

as “bills” but whatever I guess. A time for everything and everything in it’s time……..right kaz?

The rest of the week:
Today:  I think after rehearsal I’m gonna see Michael.  He’s been in Santa Barbara playing with a friend – yay for friends!!!

Thursday:  I have tomorrow off, gotta run to the post office and get some film developed and of COURSE go the the dance class at PBAC. 

Friday:  s.t.g.a at 5am – 10am, then rehearsal at 7p

Saturday:  breakfast with michael (probably at hobees, and “uh….sweetie?….more potassium like simone said k?”) Then to play with Jax, then an early dinner ish thing with B.E. sat night and of course Skarieokie saturday night at The Dunes – and MORE OF YOU SHOULD COME OUT AND PLAY!!!!!!

Sunday:  s.t.g.a from 2pm – 8:30p, apparently I’m a really great “pre-closer” so there’s that.

Sister’s supposed to come over tonight to watch and episode of Smallville from season 3.  I’m suppsed to get all caught up before Season 4 starts next week.

See ya.

This is the time when I want to reflect on my goals and dreams for my future.  The time when I decide that no matter WHAT…….I MUST…….

Ask the Oracle a Question

The Sandwiches where I sport the green apron are not bad actually – not bad at all.  Little pricey for what you get, but for those on the go, go for it – me?  I’ll still go for Grand Deli (Formerly Dave’s Deli, Formerly Port of Subs)

I didn’t run my errands as planned today after s.t.g.a. because I ended up having to stay 2 hours later than scheduled.  Someone had car troubles coming home from the Bay Area.  – so there’s that.

Notes:

Loke – when do we play? BESIDES the gym, thank you thursday 5:30pm by the way.

Kaza – hi and sister christian was onthe radio today, followed by send me an angel, ooooOOOOooooo

Kevin – perhaps I will see this night, and were you driving a white compact car this day?, if not you have a twin.

Nahnnah – did you call me and I never called you back? if so sorry, I suck – and how is the work thing going?

B.E. Friday’s bad for me, unless we have lunch!!!! I’m done “working” at 10am, and have rehearsal at 7p, Saturday is breakfast with Michael, then out with Jax and of course skarieokie that night. – we could get together maybe between my return from playing with jax, and skarieokie?

Adriane – Crap, I hope that’s how you spell it, I know you’ve told me like 400 times, it just doesn’t stay in my brain. BUT, I’m done with “work” tomorrow (wed) at 2:30 and have rehearsal in Nipomo at 7pm, and I have all day thursday off – EXCEPT a class I’m taking at 5:30pm at PBAC.  I really need to take my ass to the gym more often.

Judy – sorry i biffed on my comments, not that I think you are amy, I just saw your picture and thought I was responding to you – but alas, I’m a geek and I long for fruit……… and Amy hi, thank you cream puffs.

Sergio – what’s up?, haven’t seen you in a while, skarieokie this night for a bit? I can’t play too late, I have to s.t.g.a. at 7am tomorrow. 

Ro – glad you and matty made it to NY safely, havin’ fun yet? hahahahaha, You need to get an LJ so we can keep up on your adventures. 

That is all, I think now?….. a nap.

The following was a message sent to me via http://www.hi5.com it’s another friends site like friendster.com and myspace.com – I just wanted to share with my friends the kind of stuff I get.  Read and enjoy, pick apart, discuss – discard. Whtaever you want.  Have a great day.

“hello how are you ,i hope that you are so fine well i am really so much serious about you and please i am really single and see please i really want to let you know that you are really beautiful infront of me so please i will really do like and apprecaite to have a serious relation ship white you so well please i am such a hansome and nice guy and also here is my email adddress i also do you theminmessenger which is princebenjamin2004ng@yahoo.com and also princebenjamin2003ng@hotmail.comand please i am really waiting for your reply as soon as possible please as for age see love has no age and age is just a number infront of me what really do matter is the real love and the lind heart .
well thanks yours sincere prince benjamin. ”

So there’s that.

Someone isn’t talking to me anymore, at least that’s what it feels like.  You know that unconditional love you have for your friends, your good friends, the people you just adore and they have their faults and you accept them, and you help them if they need it, and you sit if they need you to just sit and not talk…..and you know that unconditional love that means I love you even though….versus I love you accept…..well THAT doesn’t exist apparently for a so called “good friend” of mine and me.  No IM’s or Emails or texts or phonecalls have changed this, and I guess nothing will.  When someone is set in a frame of mind, at least when this person is set in a frame of mind that I cannot be trusted, or I’m not the girl I “used to be” and all that STUFF……it gets tiring. YES I’m upset because my “GOOD FRIEND” isn’t talking with me.  Yes I’m pissed that I’ve been nothing but completely honest and I still all of a sudden get snuffed. and NO, no no no.  I will not apologize for it anymore.  I’m an adult, I make my own decisions and I learn from those decisions.  I do care about myself not to let myself get into TROUBLE and terrible habbits, but I’m done apologizing.  If you want to still be my friend YOU contact ME. 

If you don’t know what that means, it’s not directed towards you – if it sounds terribly familiar, it more than likely IS for you.

The Importance of pretending to be 18 with huge knockers continues to bore me and I still dont’ like it.  Rehearsals still exist, I’m still in it, and no – no one is invited.

There’s a new store called “Scrapbook Heaven” in SLOville (town, hi kaza) next to the TCBY yogurt place, next to the BIG 5 in the shopping center where the Mervyns and Best Buy are.  if you’re into scrapbooking go there, it IS a heaven.  Kaza hasn’t seen it and I’ll tell you right now she loves it. 
Gotta shower and get ready to s.t.g.a. now

Have a great day, I want to marry John Mayer – what do you want?

It’s official and Kaza and I need to get our hands on it:

“Wicked” Karaoke CD, My GOD…..could you imagine? I want the sheet music too.  The site I’ve been told to get them at is