Aiyani Mersai

First rehearsal today. I’m a little scared about this Swing thing, but its been done before by many people and I know I can do it I just have to take it one day at a time, 1 person at a time, 1 vocal selection at a time. One thing I absolutely know:

Watching Callum (Cal-uhm, Musical Director)conduct is one of the greatest experiences of my life thus far. Its in the top 5. Its up there with when I see John and when I go to Medieval Times. . . I can’t explain how wonderful he was – I’ll try though, later. right now – to class!!

Ok, first:

you are Belle a girl who would do anything for her
family and doesn’t care about a mans outer
beauty but his inner while you ourself are
beautiful kind and wanted by all men

Which Disney Princess are You?(pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

I’m not sure how to tell this story.  I guess I’ll just start it and see how it goes. . .

It was saturday, September 24th 2005.  It was the night of Homo-coming.  The girls dress like boys, and the boys dress like girls for this party.  I wore a black fedora, black slacks a white button up shirt and suspenders and my glasses – my shirt was opened, my tie loose and hanging to the side revealing a Superman symbol beneath my shirt.  I started with a drink, it had orange juice, cranberry juice and captain morgan in it.  Lovely.  Then I made myself a Screwdriver.  After I finished it I made another one and as far as I was concerned that was all I had to drink.  I did feel buzzed, I felt damn close to drunk, after all those drinks were WELL with Vodka.  I had a conversation with Ashley F. and Michelle, both second years, about dancing and singing and they were very supportive about me being a swing and an understudy and our conversation was great. Then I went outside, spoke with Robert – a classmate.  Then I went inside, danced a bit and before I went back outside I went over to Ryan (2nd year) and Casi (1st year) and interrupted their conversation with “excuse me” then I took off my hat and placed it to the side of my face hiding my face from Casi and I leaned in and kissed Ryan. Leaning in he just smiled at me like “you’ve been drinking. . . but ok” and he kissed me right back.  Lovely.  I heard Casi say “are you guys really kissing cause this is kind of awkward.  I laughed a  bit, when I stopped kissing him I put my hat back on looked at Casi and said “yes” then looked at Ryan and said “thank you” he sort of smiled and laughed and I walked back outside and was talking with the girls who came as “KISS” (Ashely, Louise, Nicole and Shana) We talked about me slowly opening up to people and that I felt bad that everyone was kind of getting shafted by not really meeting “me.” But all was water under the bridge we knocked our drinks together and drank to it.  They were drinking beer, I still had the rest of my Screwdriver.  Then I was talking to Robert again.  I remember following him inside, then I remember the call for first years to the dance floor – well, the living room floor.  It was a dance off for the crowing of Homo-coming King and Queen.  I remember approaching the floor when it was my turn but not dancing.  I remember the second years  leaving to vote and dancing with all the first years while we waited.  Then flash and I was standing at the edge of the circle with Alex behind me helping me stand up a bit (2nd year) and Minita was announcing the Homo-Coming Queen, Ladies and Gentlemen Matt Fullbrite.  In his wonderfulness was crowned the Queen.  Then she announced the King, Aiyani Mersai.  I was laughing hystericallys and making my way through the crowd and someone took off my hat and someone else put a crown on my head.  I remember hugging a few people and giving Matt Fullbrite a lil smooch and going outside.  Then flash and I’m near the side of the house and Alex and Robin (both 2nd years, Robin  = male, btw) are telling me to stick my finger down my throat and I’m asking them why.  Apparently I told them I needed to throw up to get some of it out of my system.  I didn’t remember that but I said ok handed over my camera (when did I get my camera I thought) and they took off my tie and I stuck my finger down my throat.  Then flash again and I’m in the bathroom with Minita and she’s telling me to stick my finger down my throat and I’m wondering why.  But I dont’ argue – I did as I was told.  About 4 or 5 rounds later I sat back with water and Minita just talking.  Then Ryan came in for a “shift” with me and I didn’t throw up with him at all.  He sat in the tub and I infront of the Porcelain God and we just chatted.  I remember everything I said to him, it was a great conversation.  Then I felt like I was done but wanted to go outside and there were only about 6 people left.  It was 4:15am – how long was throwing up for? I shrugged and went outside with water and had a conversation with Jackie (2nd year) about dance class and other stuff.  I went back inside and Ryan asked if I was ready for sleep and I said yes.  I had 3 or 4 bottles of water by then, many listerine freshners and applied some chapstick to my mouth before laying down on the couch and he wrapped a red and blue blanket on me.  I asked him to get my phone for me in my purse so I could set an alarm to be up for class on time and he went and got my purse and my hat, and tie and camera and jacket and crown and put them all in a pile for me.  He said sweet dreams to me then leaned over and kissed me goodnight.  Last time I looked at the clock it was 4:54am.  I had class at 1pm.

Then it was 10:30am and I was awake, I felt light headed but ok so I went home and layed down for a bit more before showering and going to class.  I wore black knee high boots a black skirt and a maroon button up shirt and when I got out of my car a few of my classmates applauded me and asked how I was doing and I said I didn’t know.  Robert asked how I felt when I woke up and I said “I’ll let you know when I do.”  They laughed and commented how well I was walking in heels and I just said – i’m a professional.  Then I told them I didn’t feel like I had a normal hangover.  I felt a bit dizzy and although my stomach was feeling okay when I awoke at 10:30am it wasn’t right then, so I said I was going to go sit down.  Shortly after Robert came in and we were talking again about last night and all the fun and I said I didn’t understand why I felt this way, after all  – all I had was the juice and the 2 Screwdrivers.  Robert then told me that we had shots together.  And I just looked at him stunned, “when was this?”  We had about 3 shots of Vodka before heading to the dance floor.  Then Mary and Arielle came over and we had 2 more shots all together, and I apparently chased it with beer.  I’d like to say that ONE, I don’t even LIKE beer. TWO I NEVER need a chaser, and THREE What the HELL???!!!!  Then we had a few Jello shots, Robert told me and I was beginning to almost get scared.  He said I did great and appeared to be holding my liquor just fine.  Then Arielle and Mary walked into class and Mary sat next to me and I was shocked still and turned to her and said “we did a shot together??!” and she said “yah!” and after the dance off – I leaned over and kissed HER!.  Inside I was laughing hysterically.  “Mary!, I kissed you??!!!” “yah, we didn’t make out or anything but you just came over to me and planted one on my mouth, I thought it was cool.”  ………I missing parts of my life.  I’ve NEVER been THAT drunk.  As people poured into the classroom some were wondering how I was, and I guess I just didn’t know if EVERYONE knew I was making myself throw up – or if they just were wondering how I was.  Some people thought I was fine.  they said I wasn’t stumbling around, I was having normal conversations then I decided I wanted to go throw up and they all just said ok. WHAT???!!!!!  Nicole said after the  crowning I was outside drinking beer with them and seemed fine.  Casi wanted to remind me of kissing Ryan – I totally remembered THAT. lol.  Ryan walked in (different Ryan, this one was a first year – the one I kissed was a second year) and hugged me and told me I was an amazing dancer and I totally rocked. . . thanks?! I didn’t remember dancing.  Arielle came over to where I was sitting for class and said she was glad I was their Homo-King and my dancing was bomb.  . . .thanks?!

During the course of the class the sound of my own breath was echoing in my head so loud I could barely concentrate on anyone’s words.  During our small group discussion I had a memory.  It was from that morning – I had woken up at Minita’s house, but before I went home I went to the store and bought 2 gallons of water, 1 gallon of nonfat milk and a magazine – but I couldn’t remember what  magazine.  I thought at first I was dreaming, but when I got home it was all there.  I barely made it through our 2 hour class, and if it was 3 hours I KNOW I couldn’t have survived.  I made it home after class and layed down again.  I had to be at Arielle’s house for dinner and projects by 5pm and when I got there I felt like I had a hangover – a normal hangover.  Which lead me to the decision that I was not hungover at school – I was still drunk.  Then I felt so irresponsible and so lost.  I was so hammered, so tossed that I didn’t remember going to the store, I didn’t remember events that took place or conversations I had, or how many drinks I had.  At least I was, taken care of.  Everyone that was there was not going to let me get hurt, no one there would take advantage of my drunkenness.  I was okay there – but its still scary that I don’t remember.

Today, I got in my car to head to my mommies house to help her clean it.  My camera was in the passenger seat and I looked at it then opened the shutter to see how many frames I had left.  it said “E” for Error.  I opened it and the film was already used and it had completely wound.  When I got to the party I had about half a roll left but I only took one picture and it stopped working on me.  I shrugged my shoulders and took it to Wally World before going to my mommies, and before STGA I picked them up.  It had pictures of Ethan on it (from when he was here), pictures of Kitten and Peanut (he was born 9/19/05), and pictures of Matt Fullbrite and I in our crowns, and pictures of me and a few of my classmates.  Some other people had taken, some I took – the kind where I hold the camera up with one hand.  I was really good at those – and apparently I can even do it totally blitzed.  But looking at them, I didn’t remember taking them.  I’m glad theres no crazy naked people on them, I’m glad I didn’t get hurt – and no one else got hurt but. . . not remembering bothers me.  I always remember my conversations and everything that happens when i’m drunk – but this time was different and its wierd.  I won’t let that happen again. 

On a different note, Beauty and the Beast rehearsals start tomorrow.  It opens November 10th.  I thought I was busy before, this will take “busy” to a whole new level.

I have internet access. . . ish.  I plugged in my wireless connection device and am picking up someone elses signature.  Call me a thief, but it works for now and I felt like a genius when I thought of it. 

Beauty and the Beast rehearsals start tuesday.  I’m a little scared.  I’ll have class tues – friday 9a – 12.  Rehearsal from 1-5, then class from 7-10/10:30.  and on sat and suns it looks like class 9-12, 1-3, then rehearsal 5 – whenever.  This doesn’t mean i’ll be called to every rehearsal but I might go when I’m not called to be apart of it and observe.  We’ll see.

I like my classes more and more.  Modern is still not my favorite but it is more comfortable for me now.  I enjoy my Acting Teacher, Joseph Foss (who will be playing the Beast!…oooo…aaaahhhhh, no one knows who that is aiyani, so no one really cares. . . )  He pulled me aside yesterday and asked if I’ve read Medea yet.  No,I Haven’t.  He said for me to read it and he’d like to work one on one with me with a monologue.  I was happy and flattered because he does not do one on ones, he really doesn’t have the time for it and if 60 students all requested one on ones he’d REALLY not have time.  But he said he wanted to work with me, that I was ready and that felt great. 

I’m only on a lunch break right now – I have SO much more I wanna write.  About who I like in my class. .. Mary! Arielle, Lynda, Casi and Christine.  About my random classes I don’t really get “The alexander Technique” and unnecessary muscular tension that stems from thoughts we have and the way we react to those thoughts. wierd. . . Sing Tech with Callum, the “characters” i’ve “created” over the years that I share with classmates and they request to see them because they love them and think they’re funny.

sigh………its cool.  I go to school and play all day.  Hardest class?. .. Theatre History and the teacher even makes THAT exciting to listen to and learn about. 

stay tuned.

Ladies and Gentlemen.  Today I’m taking Peach from the palace @ pacific pointe to the sisters condo in santa maria.  We do not have online service yet and i don’t know when we will.  I’ll do my best to stay on top of whats going on in your world, and i’m not sure how you’ll know what’s going on in my world, know that I go to school 6 days a week and stga on mondays normally a morning or afternoon shift.  I no longer work at kennedy club fitness, which means i no longer have a gym membership there either – yes i’m upset, yes i feel fat, but i’m still eating very good drinking lots of water and soon i’ll start a new routine at my sisters house integrating my old pilates tapes.  Beauty and the Beast rehearsals start in approximately 2 weeks then i’ll REALLY never have much time. 

I’ve had a fabulous last couple of weekends hanging out with all you adults, though sometimes we don’t act like them – the point is that we ARE them and can CHOSE to act differently. 

Amy, fabulous last night
B.E, thank you for reminding me
Sir Charlemagne, you SO rock and crack me up
Rookie – lovely to speak to you though brief, I shall locate those VHS’s and I’ll watch the DVD you let me borrow and get it back to you
Jess – it IS an oven mit and it was hysterical

Call me, Text me, let me know I still count even though I won’t be around.  Wierd, I feel kind of sad right now, kind of the same sad when I moved to la la land and always had to walk down to the corner to the internet cafe to quickly post, or answer emails and what not.  Maybe its just this cold that’s making me feel a bit lightheaded and spacey OR really I’ll miss kaza.

I get the impression she and david think i’m super duper ok with this moving thing.  Though it IS the right thing for me right now for many reasons I didn’t plan on this, it just unfolded this way.  And when we had our talk about what’s going to happen they came across as I didn’t really care, and they need to figure out the money thing without me.  Im’ sure that wasn’t what they were going for, but it kind of hurt my feelings and all I could say to them was I didn’t want the money thing to be wierd.  That I know I signed a lease, and we know Rebekah (landlord) and there were so many factors to this story but I wasn’t just going to slide out the door and say see ya!.  I know they’re planning and saving for a wedding.  I know now that they also have to save enough mula to move out and get another place without me, and I just said it is not my written or verbal agreement, it is a love agreement I have with you.  The money will be there and I’ll help even though I’m not living here until they find a new place.  I still have to apply for a student loan and I’ve FINALLY been enrolled for 30 days to do so, but who knows how long it will take to get approved and all that weird stuff.  But….(small sigh) I don’t know it didn’t seem like we were discussing things the way kaza and I used to.  It didn’t seem like we already knew everything would be ok we just had to figure things out it seemed like “aiyani you’re leaving and ifyou were a stranger you’d owe us more money, but since you’re not….i don’t know” it was just wierd.  And because i know kaza is the only reason I could just sort of shrugg it off and say “i know what they mean” but still……sometimes things that are said, or the way they are said can be interpreted differently.  Case in point

The following may be confusing or random to some of you, but she will know exActly what I mean.. .

Kaza,

I remember when I moved to la la land and, half asleep on the couch in the barn with you on the coffee table, I said “where ever you are, I’m home.” I meant it then, and I still do.  You and me and the Barn was the only place I felt truly truly on my own and at home.  Every where else was someone elses house that I slept in or at.  And even though the palace was beginning to feel like home again I guess I’m just a different person than I was 2 years ago, as are you.  And this is not bad, but I guess things just don’t work out the way we plan them.  I’m sorry if I let you down, I’m sorry I dropped a bomb on the house and I’ll do what I can to help, but I know YOU know that.  One of the greatest things I’ve learned from you is: A time for everything, and everything in its time.  I know things happen for a reason but I also know most of the time I don’t get to know what that reason is.

And I know you and schoo,l and me and school will give us as little time available to play as possible, but I want to see you I want to always hear from you.  I feel that you’ve slipped from me a bit and I’m not sure how to take it or how to deal with it really, but I know that I can voice it – you also taught me to do that.

I’ll love you forever
I’ll like you for always
As long as I’m living
Mahroomah you’ll be

Last night was my first night sleeping in Santa Maria as a resident.  It’s allright, after all most of my time will be at school anyways.  I was looking at my schedule and when rehearsals start I’ll have class from 9 – 12 ish.  Then rehearsal from 1 – 5, then class from 7-10pm.  Woah, then home for homework I imagine.  We, as a class, and the conservatory director talked a bit about understudying rolls…….hi jayme……ROLES…..sorry guys EVEYRY TIME BAH!!! and what it is to be a Swing.  He said its very difficult to do either but they are REALLY important jobs and we put ALOT of trust in our understudies and swings.  I have to say, I was finally getting comforable with the idea of being a swing for 5 girls and an understudy, but our chat got me a little terrified again.  I was reassured by several classmates though that I can do it because I’m wonderful – apparently.

Peach has not moved yet so i’m typing this from AG right now.  If you need me call me, but most of you don’t need me anymore (weeps) wah wah wah.  I will move her by next week, but I don’t know when I’ll actually have internet sevice.  I still have to move my electric piano and my treasure chest (just notes to self, not needing help, got it covered) and………what else? um……………..OH I KNOW:

I dont’ have class this sunday PLEASE remind me what is fun to do this saturday night.  I have class til about 4 or 5 then NOTHING TIL TUESDAY. I’m so excted I don’t know what to do when I get more than one day off.  Of course I’ll still need to STGA on monday, don’t know the time for that though.  Amy? In my drunkenness don’t you have a show this weekend?  I misplaced the flyer in the move and don’t know if its this weekend or next, so let me know – well, call me if you can.  and if you don’t know my number shame on you, but ask for it I don’t want to post it right now.  Some people have been reading this and emailing me personnaly – which is fine, but I don’t need them calling me.  what else? Brighteyes? something about hair this weekend? 

I loved being drunk last weekend thank you to Hank, and Jeff and Joel for being born so we could have a reason to party.  Thanks to Morgan and Jax for the jax juice and Janice you crack me up about my mom.  Classic.  Thanks to Brian/Bryan? was in scrubs – for giving me water and saying some of the nicest most sincere things I’ve ever heard from a person.  PS.  I need Aaron’s email addy…….aaron?….took over Matts room when matt moved to camelot? am I on crack? bla bla bla

thanks everyone and………….yah.

The “cover myself in it” poll is now closed. 

Sorry I couldn’t keep it up longer.  Lynda (classmate) and I are going to have our own mini smear party on tuesday and cover ourselves in tapioca (sp?? terrible) pudding.  Mud DID win with the most votes but politics are politics, and we’re doing the pudding.  Thank you SO much for your advice, your 2 cents, your opinions etc.  I look forward to always being able to post Polls here and get great and honest responses.

Feedback from Audition
Thus Far I’ve spoken with 3 of the faculty members and the Conservatory Director about my audition almost 2 weeks ago. We’ve been encouraged to get as much feedback from everyone we were auditioning for.  The following are some highlights from those feedback sessions:

– Great voice, good sound – not sure if the cut from the song best suits you as an audition piece.  It doesn’t show you off enough
– Great emotional connection to the character in your monologue. 
– I’d say go with sleeves ( I wore a blue tanktop)
– Think of what you auditioning for, time period wise, and part wise,- most girl parts where skirts, – perhaps wear a skirt (I was in black slacks)
– remember your audition is from the moment you walk out til the moment they can’t see you; smile and be poised the entire time
– Its always difficult to watch actors do a monologue about wanting to be or not be an actor because the line of reality becomes thin, but your portrayal of a “real” person went well because you did not get over-emotional.  You did what any “real” person would have done when they get upset, and that’s good acting. 
– open your heart to the audience
– don’t trail off at the end of your sentences but be careful with inflection. 

Each person honest and helpful and encouraging.

I spoke to Mark Booher (conservatory director) about Beauty and the Beast a bit and he was glad I was excited to take on all the challenges and responsiblities as and Understudy and Swing. Hhe just said that I had a good audition, did great a call backs, Michael (Jenkinson) will be great to work with, “Swings” are the HARDEST jobs but we trust you can do it.  . . I thought that was cool.

Living Situation
I will be moving to Santa Maria to live at my sisters condo a mile and half from school.  My mom thinks this is the best thing and everything will be great but I keep thinking about david and kaza and my mom doesn’t seem to understand its like i’m totally screwin them over.  She says they’ll be fine – like her words are uber helpful if she just says them.  I know that kaza understands this is the best thing for me to do right now, but I know I’m disappointing her as a friend and roomah.  At first I didn’t think twice about finding someone to cover my part of the lease because I know they don’t want to live with anyone else – the choice was them alone or the three of us (originally).  So I’ve been pondering can they live here alone? or will they have to move?  Then I was asked to just do some research and see if there is someone I could find to take it over even if for just a bit.  But they don’t want to live with a stranger and all my friends have homes it seems with their spouses none the less, or have roomates in a house already ro quite frankly don’t even live around here.  So I’m just gonna keep pondering and trying to come up with ideas and such and start moving a few of my random things into my sisters storage unit we have.  I won’t be taking all my “stuff” i’ll leave some thing I think they’ll need to use or want to keep using that I won’t need in my room at my sisters condo.  I really hope they don’t have to move because that’s just such a pain in the ass and they really don’t have time to do that right now. 

As for STGA
. I still sport, Mondays only and soon it will probably be every other monday but I would like to hold on to it so I can work on breaks and next summer.  Matt (manager) has been very helpful and cool about all this.  AND I would like to hereby announce that it is entirely allright if ANYONE wants to go to the green aprong while I’m sporting.  But its not social time for me so please don’t expect me to be able to just stop what i’m doing and sit with you, or come around the counter and hug you and what not – its still my place of “work” if you will.  But come one come all if you want or must for your green apron beverages and or food items and merchandise whilst i’m sporting. “thank you, have a great day.”

(le Sigh)
someone called me last night and i missed the call, then i called him back and said “hi, call me and sing to me – bye!” and later when he called and I answered he said he was gonna sing on my voicemail and when I asked him what he was going to sing, he started to sing a part from “the way you look tonight” now I know he’s my friend and I DO adore him, I DO think he’s fantastic I DO think he’s talented, I DO want to have this great friendship we have right now that is solely based on phone conversations – I do I do I do I do I do (little abba for ya?) And currently I’m guessing Mandy and Loke know who i’m talking about.  thanks.

I think I need a nap right now, here I go.

I CANNOT STAND MY MODERN CLASS.  She goes WAY to fast, the moves are REALLY awkward and I’ve hurt myself before doing modern, Hi Rookie – yah she made my knee tweak a bit today and I had to stop “stretching” because what we were doing was apparently a “stretch” i show you sometime and we can discuss  if you think its a stretch or a MOVE THAT SCREWS WITH YOUR KNEE. 

New Poll
In the next few days I have been assigned, from my Acting 1 Class, to cover my body from head to toe in a substance.  Keep it on for approximately 5 minutes then wash it off.  I will NOT be attending the “smear party” with my fellow classmates, I’ll be in the comfort of my own home, OR pairing with my classmate Lynda (she’s the 24 year old that I bonded with because of our age).  Something that will not hurt my skin like chemicals and bla bla bla.  The following are my choices that I’ve chosen for myself.  Please vote and or add a suggestion to the comment box.

1)  Peanut Butter
2)  Oatmeal
3)  Ketchup (katsup?, cat-chup?, Ket?. . . )
4)  Chocolate
5)  Mud

No you cannot come over and help me, but thank you.  Yes I probably will take pictures, thank you.  And again please vote, and or suggest something. 

We got measured today for costumed, my bust and waist are smaller than the last time I checked, my hips/butt is about and inch smaller than the last time I checked and my legs are the same, thank you.

Jack’s coming over and we’re gonna watch a movie now, bye.