Aiyani Mersai

Epilogue:
Maybe the move didn’t have to mean failure. One can only review themselves and have an opinion – but then there are all my friends too. You all have opinions, and they do count; believe me they do. I moved out here, had a manager, got an agent, won some awards and some free classes, went on several very fun auditions, was cast in an independant film and gained weight. Well, at least the beginning stuff was good. I guess now the feeling of moving backwards can still be considered moving forwards, after all if I learn and regroup and keep going forward, the rewind button only will be used for reminding me of the good and hard times that created in me a stronger character or self awareness. And that, if anything, should be worth it.

The End:
The caffeine tablet I took for the drive home kept me awake until about 4am. No deals. No good for work the next morning…..I spoke with him on Sunday night upon my return. The drive had been long with all the different scenarios running through my head, with all the ideas, with the jobs and the money situations, and the lack of money…situations. I guess it felt like I was running, but in slow motion. He took it well, I guess. I’m sure he wasn’t expecting it, or he wouldn’t have quit his job. I know his parents are willing to help, but I hated it – why wouldn’t he? But we’re not the same person, we don’t share the same goals or thought process (like meandmahroomah) And as much as I like living there…..here, it’s living with HIM…..there, that began to drown out the good. And I love him, but I NEED to love me more right now. I NEED to regroup, I NEED to finish recovering from he HELL that was 2003. I NEED to be around people I love, and people who love me while I recover….and that’s why I’m moving back to AG.

The Middle:
Sunday was the time change day, right? and Spring Forward. Lucky me I didnt’ have anywhere to be til 2pm so I woke up whenever then set it forward. Had THE RICE, left over from dadda’s house. My sister brought it home for me (I crashed at her cottage in Nipomo) And if you haven’t had THE RICE, you need to. (I’ve made it a few times, it’s the one with bacon and eggs and yum yum!) Then I got read and met up with Roger Rabbit to see “The Last 5 Years” I remember leaning over to him near the beginning and saying “I don’t get it.” Apparently the girl was starting at the end of the relationship going backwards, and the guy was starting at the beginning going forwards. HELLO CONFUSING. But eventually I got it. Real funny song about auditioning in places like New York, reminded me ALOT of kaza’s stories. lol (yah i’m still lol) Then I swung by my mommies house briefly, then off to SLOville for a fine tuning session witht he Kats in Saphire Moon’s Deliver Me. And again It looks freagin’ hot! It sent shivers up my spine and neck and I’ve seen it 112 times already. Then it was off to dinner with PG/PrettyGirl/Maria. I hadn’t seen her in quite a while, it was nice to catch up. It always helpful to chat with a girlfriend. And she will be my pseudo date on the 17th to the show too, so that will be nice. PS, PePe’s has yummy food – so go there more often everyone. I dropped my mommies house real quick again before heading back down here. We talked about my “trials and tribulations” and how maybe all these signs were telling me to leave the LA area. Every time I’ve tried to stay put, somethign else goes wrong. It’s just very expensive, and hard when you have to live check to check and wonder if you’ll eat or not. I left at about 9:30pm. WAY past the time I had planned, but oh well, GO caffeine tablet!

The Beginning:
Saturdays Comedy Workshop ended at about 2pm, and I hopped on the road right away! Getting OUT of LA always is the longest part of the trip, but it flew after that. Arrived at sisters house by about 5:30/6pm and got up to Rookie & BrightEyes pad by about 7:15. Rookie let me go see STOMP with him. and OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH MMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY GOD! I wanna be on tour with stomp. Pick me pick me!!! It was amazing, and fun, and loud, and quiet, and pretty, with audience participation. Everything a FANTASTIC show should have. Thank you Thank you Thank you Rookie for letting me go play with you (slaps belly).
Then it was off to SkarieOkie. A nice saturday, introduced the bar to the new drink….The Princess Drink!! ahhahahahaah, I won’t tell you what it is, but I’ll tell ya ILAH-IT. We played til about 1:30, well….*I* played till about 1:30 then took off to sisters cottage for some sleep.

Prologue:
It was going to be a normal weekend, I go there, do my thing and come back. But Friday night I found out Husband quit his job before securing another one and so all weekend, with all the activities planned – I don’t think I was myself. I was going back and forth with what that meant “it’s a sign!” But was it a sign to try harder? was it sign to just stop? or was it sign to go home?

OK.

~ I’m taking a commercial workshop every thurs 7p-10p for 6 weeks (free – won it last august)

~ I’m taking a comedy workshop every sat 10a-1p for 6 weeks (free – won it last august)

~ I’m meeting with Natalie Janssen, a vocal coach out here who was at the last 2 showcases I was in. I really like her – so I’m sure this will be a cool thing.

~ My friend Robert John Macik, we call him Bobby – recently moved here from OHIO………drove his ass out here if you can believe that. But I have a new friend to play with yay and OH OH, I told him about LJ so if you have a code I can give him so he can start one up that would be FABU.

~ Last week he (bobby) was invited to a Launch Party for a company called New Life Entertainment for the independant film industry and record industry – and I was his plus one. Hi, there was a red carpet and all kinds of camera and flashes going off and people writing down name. GO BOBBY – he’s one of their new faces. We drank a lil bit and danced for like 4 hours. My feet were killing me, but I had a BLAST!

~ Still hate my job at Embassy Su-ites Arcadia. My boss goes in and out of being ok.

~ Jax, my social advisor, and I went to dinner at Upper Crust this weekend in full leopard print gear – we looked FAB and FUN and everyone looked all the time. hahahaaha, then it was to Blue for a couple drinks…..and the new favorite….is…”sweetpea” made with Vanilla Vodka, White Godiva Chocolate Liqueur and Chambord (rasberry flavor). In one word “yum” in two words “yes please” 3 words “they are good” 4 words “can i have more?” in roomah talk “al;sdkfj ai a I LAH IT….”

~ Breakfast at Margies Diner was something to be remembered. Me, Daaaannnaa, Jax, Bright Eyes, Vicki and Kevin. Good times, good food, good people. These are the days I dont’ want to leave SLOville

~ Rehearsal for Sapphire moon started at 5pmish on Sunday night and didn’t finish til 8:15pm. …..and hour and 15 minutes longer, but I’m VERY pleased with everyone, we finished the number, and I do believe I was able to convey what I wanted and they were able to give me what I wanted. It just looks great, it’s moving, it’s emotional and spiritual and beautiful to see and I get chills. Very intense feeling and a great amount of commitment to staying focused and connected is required and these people just make me very happy and proud and I’m so thankful I got to be apart of it. It’s called “Deliver Me”

~ I successfully located a CD copy of the 2/22/04 John concert in Fresno, CA when I saw it FOR FREE BECAUSE ADAM FROM THE BAND I BROUGHT HOME KNEW THE TRUMPET PLAYER!!!!!!!!!!!….anyways – I now have that concert for my collection.

I know some of you are wondering “so what was the disappearing act for, why no answering of the phones and bla bla bal” just know that I’m here now. Gonna be focued on a lot of projects now, so if I don’t answer or reply SOON, it’s because i really truly am busy and not just being lathargic. Thank you for understanding that I just needed some time. I really needed to kind of find out what I needed to do for ME to get through this recovery stage. Last year – you ALL know how horrible and hard it was. The recovery stage is a little easier but still intense for me, so please be patient while I continue to find a place for everything and everyone, and I promise it will all be over ….you know….soon.

John will be in California again in July
JOHN IN JULY JOHN IN JULY JOHN IN JULY
7/14 Marysville
7/16 Mountain View (sounds like a room at the Cliffs Resort…wait it IS hahahah)
7/17 Irvine
7/18 Chula Vista

I’ve told Adam…..and I shall be patient and hopeful and thankful. Of course I’m going to do everything in my power to go to ALL OF THEM, but you know – we’ll see. hahahahaahah

macaroni out.
jig a jig a jig
ducket
12

don’t take a caffeine tablet at 9pm, even if you think 175 miles can be far and hard to drive….staying awake til 3am or 4am and getting up at 7:30 is hard too. Just take an espresso shot or something. less miligrams. ok

I will be in town this saturday early evening. rookie we still playing? I know skarieokie has returned to it’s regular time now, and that will be fun as well. Roger Rabit thank you show at 2p on sat, and I will be at rehearsal by 5p in SLOville and done by approximately 6:06pm

and…..husband bought me So I married an axe murderer on DVD – I shall watch it this night. AFTER I GO TO THE GYM

The title is not how old I will be on my birthday – thanks. The title is how many shopping days you have……………..(enter yani&kaza laugh and freakout session here) I want more John stuff to add to my “Johnra” as Kevin so wonderfully gave me once.

Now the spoiled bratt in me says I need I need I need….but most of you KNOW it’s just I want – and that doesn’t mean much…..

http://www.johnmayer.com then go to STORE…..

I DON’T have, but would like…….:

White T-Shirt with Barcodes on it – Mens MED
White T-Shirt with black and red circle and arrow – Mens MED
Maroon Track Jacket – Large
Silhoutte Hoodie
Zip Hoodie (ooo OOO OOOOOO)
Guitar Pedal Tee
Blue 2003 Tee (looks like Back to the Future)
Any Given Thursday T-Shirt (ooo OOO OOOOO)

and pretty much this list is for me to go back to evenutally and remind myself of all that I want.

Selfish? nah….POOR???!!! yah. but oh well, right. and ps – I WILL be in SLOville the weekend of my birthday – seeing Saphire Moon and other things I imagine. And for those who can’t count, my birthday is April 17.

AND, by the way – it will be great to see people. I will be in town next weekend 3/27 and the weekend after I believe 4/3. Hope all is well.

March Birthdays:
Jen Ross: 3/1
Vicki: 3/2 (? can i get a confirmation on that?)
Princess Jr….Serenity: 3/13
Twin: 3/21
Nahnnah: 3/24

Have you ever put slice avocado on your tuna sandwich?

I’ll be back …….maybe next week….or the week after. – but I promise by April I’ll have something to say. Hell, I’ll even start answering my phone next week. deal?

I will not be in town (SLOville) until the weekend of 3/26/04 – 3/28/04, and the following weekend. 4/2/04 – 4/4/04

And i appreciate everyone wanting to check on me and bla bla bla, but i don’t feel like talking about me or anything else. don’t take it personally, i just need some space and time for me right now.

Nothings Terribly wrong, but I won’t really be accessible to many people for a while. I still have my cel phone, but my house line has been terminated.

I haven’t really been answering my phone either. I’m just not in the mood to talk. No one’s in trouble, I’m not ignoring any one in particular, but at the same time as special as you are, everyone’s sort of being shut off.

So if you call, leave me a message – and I’ll return it if I can or want to – of course if it’s an emergency that’s something else.

I haven’t read any journals so I don’t know what’s going on in your world, but I also don’t really want to discuss what’s going on in mind. Please respect that.

Please don’t try to analyze me, or tell me what’s wrong, or tell me how to fix it. Just know that I do think of everyone, I’ll still be in town next weekend and the weekend after to teach a dance to the Saphire Moon kids in Deliver me – and other than that, I’ll just….be around.

Work goes in and out of being interesting – forgive me for being vague with my work life and social life. Again, nothing’s really wrong per say, but nothing’s really right either.

I don’t have answers about me moving, when I do – I’ll let you know. And I can still check my email from work

princessaiy@excite.com
princessaiy@yahoo.com
princessaiy@msn.com

and sometimes I’ll be on AIM “aiyginalydia”

Hey guys. I’m sorry I’ve been out of the loop. With journals, with phone calls – I promise I think of EVERYONE I LOVE. I’m not even that busy, just sort of unaccessable. This week at work has been about catching up, and the DOS has too many random projects for me in one day. I need to start counting how many times she yells “Aiyani” from her office, and how long I have to stand there and listen to her ramble about God knows what. Today is saturday, and I’m at work – because I missed monday as it was the drive home from Fresno/John day. Which in a way is good because then I get a full week and i’m wearing a John shirt, comfy pants and tennies. I’ll be here for a few hours finishing up some stuff, so I thought I’d start off with all my personal online things first! yay!

Husband installed one of those Trial disks from AOL at home so i can get online, but it’s hard and different so bare with me when I’m at home. I have yet to catch up on everyone elses journals – but I promise I’ll take a DAY and go through all of them eventually.

And for those of you who care or commented, his first response was “what does that mean for me” and after 2 days of not talking he spoke to me. Though the conversation in it’s entirety escapes me, phrases I remember are: my selfish response is, I don’t want to live with anyone else – and I don’t want to live alone…..You’re my best friend and I love you…..I love living with you….I know it was hard during the time you had to carry me and I hated it and appreciated it….I have an interview on monday for a call center job paying me twice what I am now – and it’s busable (meaning he can get there via the bus)….he knows that he should be communicating with me instead of ignoring me but that’s something he has to work on because that’s just how he handles things. He doesn’t intentionally try to huret my feelings but it’s just his way.

So, i don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m torn. March will be ok, as April aproaches I will keep you all informed. Thank you for your calls and IM’s regarding my situation. Thank you for your offers and your words that come through so caring – I REALLY do appreciate. I just need to pretty much get another job if I want to stay here – and I”VE BEEN TRYING, but it’s very difficult because of my “day job” and want for auditions and such – and what i am and am not willing to do. Hopefully God will just sort of guide me because I’m not to apt in figuring things out on my own lately. I need help with where I am and where I want to be.

And I’m falling in love with Tom Welling from Smallville – this would be myfavoritesisters fault for letting me borrow the smallville first season. I STILL LOVE JOHN – this has not changed, but Tom has something crazy yummy about him as well, and he lives around here somewhere. So there’s that. hahaaahaha.

I will be in town to SLOville march12, 13, 14, and March 19, 20, 21.

ROOKIE – please let the girls in Deliver Me know I need them to work on their splits – one side, not center; and it doesn’t matter which side, and keep their backs warm and limber as well. Thank you so much.

JAX-a leopard print weekend one of the times in march?

I miss toy talk – I would like to resume those, and the new edition is:

Where is John?
2/28/04 Memphis TN

Have a great weekend folks