To remind you:

Tristain Nathaniel in la la land is t_nathaniel

and Ro is on now too with:  robink

The Adobe Press saw THE play and said this of me:

“The highlight ofthe show is undeniably Aiyani Mersai as Cecily Cardew. She is amazingly confident in both her English accent and manner. Her perfect comic timing as she delivers her witty remarks with wide, innocent eyes and dimpled cheeks had the audience laughing out loud at last weeks’ performance.”

The Santa Maria Times saw THE play and said this of me:

“Of particular note is Aiyani Mersai’s clever performance as Cecily Cardew. Her debut with the Players as the coy,yet not so coy young woman who falls for Algernon Moncrieff is seamless. Her natural instincts for delivery, movement, and facial expression create a welcome depth to the role. However enjoyable and hilarious is Brown’s portrayal of the grandoise Algernon throughouthte plays’ entirety, he particularly shines in the scenes with Mersai. Their chemistry is certainly fun, and funny, to witness. ” ………………”And Cherise Lang’s portrayal as the assertive Gwendolen Fairfax offered a nice contrast to the younger Cecily. She was at her comedic best in the scene where she meets mersai’s Cecily for the first time.”

The SLO Tribune saw THE play and said this of me:

“Greg Brown as Algernon Moncrieff and Aiyani Mersai as Cecily Cardew also gave standout performances, the former echoing Wilde with his slightly effeminate gestures and melodramatic flair.

Mersai thankfully used a light hand with her role as an innocent ward yearning for excitement with her guardian’s “wicked” younger brother. She balanced the over-acting of Nancy Jo as her tutor, Miss Prism and the lapel-grabbing, sputtering Alan Vogan as her caregiver, Jack Worthing. ”

Michael and Adriane are seeing the matinee tomorrow.  I KNOW I KNOW, no one was invited but I have their WORD they will behave and not poke fun.  The matinee will be played with Phillip (the 18 year old) Tonights performance and saturday nights show, and sunday matinee show is played with Larry, The director.  not bad not bad.  Not Great.  But alas, not bad.  I guess THE play will continue to have it’s moments.  No idea if the new times will see it, and if they do when. 

Tonight my jig was off, my voice didnt’ sound like my own nor did my lines and my accent was not sticking with me.  I haven’t been using it everyday like I did last week.  I shall talk with it all day tomorrow (obviously with 2 shows) but I can’t lose it again.  Some lines I only remember with the afflection that I use when speaking with the so called accent. 

meh.  I shall sleep now, clean hair and clean face and ready for nodtown.  I had a lovely dream the other night.  Remind me to tell you about it.

Hmmm….Where to begin?  I shall rewind to when I had notes to self:

Loke & Sgt. James!
Congratulations.  Loke you looked GORGEOUS and you’ve soooo lost weight, not that you were ever big, but hi – there’s a total difference.  and i’m so proud of you for having your toenails painted!!!!!  and I’m so sorry you two for missing you when I came back to Sunset Dunes.  Vicki said you guys left about 20 minutes before I got there.  We had the show, then STUPID notes, then we had to run certain things and i just didn’t get there.  After I was also VERY Hungry, and the Angry Housewives surprised me by showing up so we ate, and I quickly went back to the dunes to find I had just missed you.  But I’m SOOOOO excited!!!

Opening Night Weekend
Went rather well surprisingly, ….ish.  And to my surprise (as you may have read above) the other Angry Housewives showed up to root me on for opening night.  They had specific instructions and actually came through on it.  They 1, all came together ,2 on one of the dates I “allowed” them too, and 3 wore the color theme that was dedicated to them during the show.  And to my exTREME surprise, they actually wore the “food fight” costumes.  Meaning, Rebekah stole the costumes from the little theatre and they all wore them.  How funny and cool is that???  I don’t know any group of cooler ladies (because coolER is a word) We are all so different but have so much fun together, we should have someone video taping us when we’re together.  Seriously. hahahahahaah

The Director
Has to take over for Phillip (who plays opposite me) this weekend because he has another show to be in.  So last night I went to his house to run lines a few times then lines with blocking.  Then we just sat talking about plays.  And THIS was the director I could sit with and respect.  The director who thought he was all high and mighty and better than everyone else – but had to say it…..had disappeared it seemed.  He also asked me what I thought of his directing and that he respected my opinion because he knows I’ve worked with most ofthe local directors and theatres and such.  Me? He respected MY opinion??? Wierd.  Then we got into talking about how he originally didn’t see me in that role and I asked why he cast me he said becaues I had the best audition and he actually DID think I was younger than I am and I could play younger easier than older.  Gwendolyn was the role I auditioned for and she’s supposed to be late 20’s how funny is that.  And I looked at him like *I* had the best audition.  Granted not alot of people tried out for this but there were at least 10 girls up for the parts.  And he said not that he was displeased with someone elses performance (male in the cast) but he thinks that the guy I auditioned with may have just been more energized and just had a great audition because he was playing off of me.  Which is quite frankly, the BEST compliment for an audition.  At least to me it is.  That was very nice, and coming from THIS director was close to amazing.  he’s not really one to give compliments or say if he likes something.  If he likes something he just lets it be, if not he’ll suggest/direct for change.  He said he took a bit of a risk because he didn’t know me.  But he first casts for reliability and Phillip told him I was VERY reliable (how cute is the 18 year old, brownie points for trying to “get me in” hahahahaha) then for the part.  He said my look was also a little more ethnic than he had preferred but there was no way he was not going to cast me.  That plus his co-founder (lisa, who is also in the play) said I was great and blew her socks off and he better cast me.  I laughed.  We laughed and I was on my way to skarieokie.

New York in December
Will Happen!!!! I leave December 11th and will return on the 17th.  Which means OF COURSE I get to see WICKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;dlfkajd;foiawe;awfj;a f; OMG.  I’m SOOOOOOOOOOO excited.  and hang out with nahnnah and Ro and Matty and MAHROOOOOOMMMAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH……….. L;AKDFJA;OWEUAFJA;SDKLFJA;    hi.

Husband – we need to talk about Utah.  It may have to be….later?…..call me call me call me!

Medieval Times
Michael and I are going the first weekend of November, also to Knotts Berry Farm and the Wax Museum.  fun weekend!!!!! AND I got a fabU rate on a room at the Embassy Suites right next door to Medieval Times.  Granted…….my favorite knight Ruben is not there anymore, nor probably any of the knights that would remember me.  BUT it will still be fun!!!! and I can’t wait to go!!!!

Paul McCartney (mommie had dinner with him and many other celebrities)
Hi, yah. So October 15, 2004 my mommie and sister went to a dinner/fundraiser thingy for Heather (Paul’s new wife) in Century City.  Tables near the front were I believe $50,000 for a table of ten.  The middle section was $20,000 for a table of ten, and then seats farthest away were sold separately at $500 a pop. Where my mommie sat.  however, she said she was only like 6 tables away and could see him just fine.  During the night she almost got to talk to him, she walked up to his table and got like an arms length away and he looked up at her in a sort of “yes?” way and then before she could speak a big bodyguard guy very kindly (my mommie says) said that they were trying to keep as many people away from Mr. McCartney as possible and would she mind just leaving the table.  She said she didn’t mind at all, she was just going to say hello and she walked away, looking at him again and he looked up at her as well – eye contact again!!!! ooooo aaaaahhhhhh (let us remember my mom has loved this man and his music since she was 9….NINE, he is her john mayer) When she turned around she ran into heather and said “oh hello heather” and heather said hello back and mommie kept going.  Sometime during the night she spoke a bit the Jay Leno introducing herself and he said something like she looked like the Soccer Mom type, and she said she was.  She also spoke with….._____ Aniston, Jennifers Dad who is on Days of Our Lives.  And sister stood RIGHT NEXT to Orlando Bloom and Mommie saw Matthew Perry as well.  Sister said Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones were there but they did not see them.  And Paul played about a 40 minute set and there was also an auction and all the money went to the cause they were there for.  Land Mines or somethign like that, like “no more land mines” fundraiser or whatever.  They even auctioned off the plate Paul ate off of, he signed it and it went for like $12,000.  Hello??? Hi. Yah, hi.  SO my mommie was VERY excited and had a WONDERFUL time, and she is on the list to receive emails for future events and fundraisers.  Both she and sister were like “you need to become famous quickly so we can have the closer tables” we just laughed and I said “I’m working on it I’m workin’ on it!”

The Green Apron
I told the t.g.a that my availability starting November 1, 2004 will be 12pm – close.  No more opening for me.  5am is TOO early.  Besides I’ve decided the mornings will be dedicated to my excercise.  I have to lose MUCH weight and reshape my body before I take new pics with Cavaleri.

Cavaleri & Associates
It was difficult but I told them to make me inactive, meaning not submit me or send me on auditions until May.  Cinthia was VERY nice about it and said keep in touch and let me know when I got back out there or when I was ready to go again.

The New Plan
So, I plan on moving back to La La Land in May of 2005.  I plan on going to the gym, saving money, and getting back on track.  I know I need to take more/better pics for headshots and Cinthia knows the photographer she wants to use.  The problem is, living here I miss ALOT of auditions because I can’t go the same day.  And there’s only so many auditions that are for the next day, you know?  And the problem I am having with booking things is also a combination of factors.  On more than one occasion I’ve been told I’m too pretty to be the Character Actor, and I’m too Big to be the leading lady.  I’m not comfortable in this body, it doesn’t feel like it’s me.  All my life I’ve been a bit soft but I’ve NEVER been THIS BIG.  It’s so sad for me.  SO – I’m focusing.  I’m “choosing my attitude” by setting time aside to excercise, setting money aside and having a goal.  My mommie said anything worth getting is worth working for.  And all my life I’ve wanted to be in movies and on television making people laugh and cry.  I know to some people television and movies are not “real” acting and theatre is. Well, it’s still the goal I’ve always aimed for.  And every play,  dance class,  theatre class  commercial class, dramatic class…ANYTHING..every song I’ve sung at skarieokie….. everything I’ve done has been to help me get to where I want to be.  And now, my resume looks good, my training has been with some amazing people, I’m not shy singing or nervous when I cold read.  I’m comfortable in my brain, knowledge is always good, however the next step is how I feel in my skin.  And if it’s not comfortable, I have to change it. 

After The importance of pretending to be 18 with Huge Knockers is over, it is no more plays.  I know the fashion show will come up again, and of course I’d love to be apart of that – but we’ll see.  We’ll just have to see.  I know after speaking with Jason a couple weeks ago we were talking about what I could choreograph but still being IN it, I’ll have to be MUCH more comfortable with myself and my body.  I know most of you think I CAN dance, but if you’re not feeling like you look good, it shows in your face and your dancing.  I’m sure you would agree.

SO – keep me on it!  cheer me on! and don’t let me eat pasta and rice and bread! Only…..protein and veggies and fruit.  Lots of water! The exceptions are when it’s that time of the month – if I want salt give it to me, if I want dark chocolate let me have it – or fear the rath!!!! I think thats it for now.  This will be an interesting next few months.  Please just remind me that “if it’s worth getting, it’s worth working for”  I like that one. 

I know I keep saying I’ll post more. And I will – but I’m going to sleep now as I have to s.t.g.a tomorrow at 7am.  There is much to say and probably tomorrow will be the day to say it.

ps. Sweetpea is t_nathaniel

I shall post more later but until then……it’s WELL past 12am in New York – which (I believe is where John is tonight, since the last time he was out and about via tour it was 10/9/04 in Aruba) means:

Happy Birthday to YOU
Happy Birthday to YOU
Happy birthday to John Mayer!!!!!
Happy Birthday to YOU

He is 27, a year and a half older than me,  and I hope to be married to him by the time I am 30 (if not sooner!!!!!)

Notes to self:
Loke & Sgt. James!
Opening Night
Angry Housewives
New York in December
Medieval Times
Paul McCartney (mommie had dinner with him and many other celebrities)
The Green Apron
“Inactive” with Cavaleri & Associates (maybe??)

I think thats it for now.

and Seanah! – I hope the car that hit Ziven was damaged and know that Kharma kicks ass and God does too!

My sister just called me and told me Christopher Reeve Past Away tonight.  He fell into a coma saturday night after he suffered cardiac arrest.  I don’t know this man, I’ve never met him, I grew up watching him and I know that in Every superman show or take on “Superman” no one has ever lived up to the esteem works of this man.  I’m sure it must have been an honor to work with him, to know him as a friend and a small part of me feels like one of my own relatives or friends has past away.  He always seemed charming, well kept, polite and kind.  I’m proud to have had him apart of my life growing up, even if it was just in the movies.  Crying a little right now seems appropriate.  He was such a fighter, such an example of life and trials and tribulations.  His triumph over many hearts does not die with him, nor does his hard work and efforts in all that he stood for and supported.  It’s always wierd when a celebrity you’ve watched over the years passes away.  It is as if you really knew them, and for me – I will remember where I was/am when I found out that this world lost him and the heavens gained a truly amazing and wonderful Super Man.

I successfully ripped a pair of my pants at the green apron.  In the inner thigh, not along a seem so I can’t sew it.  So I go to Mervyns this day to try to find a new pair.  I would go to Gap – as they are the only place as of yet with pants I actually like, in the size I actually wear.  But I’m poor, so Mervyns it was.  When i walk in I go to the right that’s where the women’s clothes are and I head for the pants.  I can wear khaki colored or black pants or shorts or capri’s or skirts – so I’m looking at pants.  I tryed on 6 pairs.  ALL too small, some tapered in leg – I HATE THAT.  SO I walked back out and went for a bigger size, but the was the larges they had.  But, this is mervyns surely they don’t go up to ONLY this size?…..Look over across from Juniors “Womens sizes” meaning, the plus size division.  Now – I’m well aware I am a “plus size” girl.  Well aware.  I’m not necessarily afraid of that, but at times it can be depressing. This would be one of those times.

There isn’t anyone that is large that works in the fashion industry to assist in making sure clothes are made a larger sizes that don’t look like absolute crap.  These are clothes my grandmother wore.  There are too many patterns, to many flashy things.  This by the way does not assist in taking away from the fact that I am large, it only shouts “Look how HUGE i am” AND people need to not make clothes with horizontal lines any bigger than a 10 i’m sorry, it’s just not becoming at ALL.  So……..where are the pants?  Oh HERE they are, my choices are ALL elastic. Why? Because girls my size need to know that buttons and zippers don’t actually exist if you’re bigger.  And They ALL TAPER.  SO – my choices are elastic at the top, taper to the ankle and horid patterns.  Oh the joys of being large.  I kept wandering around thinking there’s got to be ONE pair of pants that *I* will wear.  Not rayon, or silk, or satin – I need COTTON, or poly/cotton. Hell Stretch/cotton would work.  I found a shelf with PLAIN pants on them and looked at them discouraged and found a pair- a, singular, one pair of black pants that have a button and zipper that was marked with my size.  I went and tried them on – TOO BIG???!!! What the–??!!! So across the isle one size fits one way, and back over here they fit bigger and more roomier (because that’s a word). SO – I’m around looking for my “original” size I went in there looking for (when I tried them on and they were ALL TOO SMALL) and low and behold, there they were.  Hidden under some 22’s and 24’s (no that’s not my size i’m still a teen size – that’s a bit ironic and stupid sounding isn’t it?) There it was – A black pair of pants that don’t taper, made of good fabric that button and have a zipper and they were a 16.  They fit just fine.  So I held on to those, as I was SURE to lose them if I put them down.  I wondered about the “women’s” section more – and MY GOD, horrible.

Just Horrible!!!  I feel like telling the fashion industry larger women dont’ want have pants that come up to their boobs and give the tapered high water effect.  Nor do we want to wear those pants with these blouses that look like a kat threw up on it, or like I took the ENTIRE amazon and shoved it ALL on one piece of clothing.  We don’t need effing bows, or shiny wanna be jewels or pieces that look stuffed like pillows and sewed on.  We don’t want REALLY thick sweaters – WE’RE ALREADY BIG AND WE WILL SWEAT TERRIBLY IF WE HAVE TO MUCH ON.  We don’t need crazy wild colors, we need tame, subdued, and mild colors that will assist in accenting and highlighting our curves.  We don’t need/want pants that freagin’ have a hook and eye on the SIDE with a zipper on the side…we can’t see past our rolls to hook it anyways.  At least in the front we have the sense of touch and can remember how to button a button in the front.  We want more options than freagin’ ELASTIC.  And it’s not nice, subtle elastic – it’s 3 inches thick, and can leave marks all over your body from it squeezing on to you so damn hard.  We don’t want pants, shorts, or skirts that are designed to close at the “smallest part of our waist” sometimes that’s up to high – and we wear pants LOWER than that.  and ps, there IS NO small part of my waist – it’s ALL BIG.  Stop trying to sell me glitter and glam – I’m fat, I need something comfy but not stupid.  Stop trying to sell me patterns and stripes – I may be fat but I’m not BLIND and I dont’ want my friends to go blind either! 

Stop trying to tell me I need to wear underwear that covers my entire ass and comes up to my chest in order to look “thinner” the only lingerie that will make me look thinner is a girdle – and they DON’T MAKE THEM in MY size ANYWAYS.  Bras TOO.  So WHAT if you don’t want to make a pink and purple pokadoted bra in a 40 D – that’s fine. REALLY IT IS, THAT’s not the problem.  The problem is you put a seem RIGHT ACROSS the middle of the breast. Why do you do that???? All can see this seem when wearing ANY shirt – it’s not becoming, it doesn’t help lift, shape or support these things so why do the seem thing? and why do *I* all of a sudden need 4 to 5 hooks to hold this thing in place?  And why are the straps bigger than my seatbelt?  I don’t need patterns (again, always trying to pawn off terrible patterns on big girls) I don’t need PADDING.  Honestly – who are these people? The thin foam later that assists in not showing the headlights are on bright on a coldnight is BRILLIANT. But THIN foam layer will do.  THIN.  I mean PLEASE – we’re already big, why do we need MORE stuffing on the girls? eh? 

Shirts and blouses are an interesting issue as well.  So if its long sleeve it will fit my arms but not my breasts or shoulders.  So if I get a bigger size I now look like I’m trying to cover a pregnancy and the sleeves go to my ankles.  And why are all the blouses made of fabrics that I will sweat through terribly and it will show to EVERYONE in the freeworld that I’m a fat sweating pig???? Thanks to some of the people who make them lighter in fabric but too light is see-through and then I’m forced to wear a tanktop thing underneath, of which is normally too clingy and therefore showing off my fat THROUGH the see-through shirt ANYWAYS so why did i bother wearing a big longsleeve shirt?

I understand some big girls are proud of every roll, of every curve – but believe me the majority of us feel ashamed and uncomfortable in our own skin, so why are they making it worse?  NO sexy underwear exists larger than a large – and i AM larger than a “large”.  Fun clothes, jeans, tops and any thing else I put on this body of mine is never actually FUN becuase it doesn’t lift, fit, tuck, hide or support without looking stupid, loud, bright and busy.  All I want are plain bras to hold the girls in place that still cover the headlights in the cold.  I want pants that are lowrise fit my butt AND my thighs and do not taper.  I want shirts that show I have a figure without being clingy hot or see through with animals on them, and underwear that covers the necessary areas without making me feel like I’m wearing a diaper.  I didn’t know I was asking too much

ps.  I wear size 10 shoes, and you can IMAGINE the options I have with that (2 inch heel bright orange snake skin on the sale rack) oh the joys of being a princess???