Aiyani Mersai

My stuffed animal and semi muse for Seussical. . . her name is Debra. Debra the Zebra (pronounce it to rhyme). My name?. . Dot, and I have a twin brother named Spot, but he lives in the Jungle Book and I rarely see him anymore.

It’s becoming more and more fantastic. Our director and choreographer (one in the same) is taking everything the cast can offer and using it to her advantage. It’s nice to be apart of something where I don’t have to attempt a triple toe loop and land in the arms of someone 5’2″ and weigh less then my lower half. Real nice.

More exciting news. The calendar is up and tickets are ready to be purchased. Showtimes are matinees at 2pm, and evening performances begin at 7pm. Unfortunately kids less than 4 years old cannot attend. And children under 5years old cannot attend saturday night performances as this is a very driven night during the week. BUT, please find a babysitter and come see mattinee or grab a night performance then dessert (with me!!!!) afterwards.

I’m having fun ladies and gents. And you all know how much i . . . well – hated this place last year. this year, i don’t hate it. I have changed, people have changed, moods have changed and it’s a good thing. It’s fun to be at rehearsal. . . .even though I spend 4 hours in 3 inch heels learning everyone’s dance moves including my own (somehow it’s worse than being a swing) I feel that my role is important. . . as the Zebra (soft e. . .edward vs eat) and as the dance captain. Being the dance captain for something like this is WAY bigger and different than it was being a dance captain for other productions – WAY different, in a very advanced and challenging way.

Tomorrow we “share” our Chekhov units. What the hell is that?. . . As a class (the second years) we are sharing with our fellow classmates and some of the faculty some of the scenes we’ve been working on by Anton Chekhov. I am in a scene from a play called “The Three Sisters” I’ve had to wear a corset in rehearsals in class and outside of class to get the time period down and a different feeling for this person I play altogether. It’s very freeing to be sharing a space with people I respect and that understand what kind of hours you have but can also respect the kind of work that you do.

Sister’s rehearsal is tomorrow and her wedding is Saturday. OMG. SOOOOO excited. I called her yesterday and told her she didn’t need to have any nightmares or worry dreams because I was taking care of it for her. Good LORD I didn’t get any sleep with those dreams. Her dress is here with me in me and cleveland’s home and it’s perfect.

My sister is so silly and crazy because amidst the preperation of her own wedding she keeps finding moments to talk about mine and that’s not even until next Summer. I told her we need to worry about HER and she said everythings fine and she just wanted to show me this. . .or that. . or whatever. It’s been real nice feeling that I’m not taking away from her in anyway but that she is also very excited for me for next summer.

And on a completely crazy note. My brother Ben, the 19 year old was baptized as a mormon last month before he moved to Cincinnati, which he all of a sudden is moving home from and wants to marry his 24 year old mormon girlfriend in december. Now, i’m not going to go into my beliefs on religion, just know that there are things I don’t approve of as a sister or his friend and that he worries me sometimes because he’s been lacking follow through lately. And he says things like this to my mom “what. . . Summer’s marrying Matt and he’s 5 years younger than her” to which I want to say “yah, but. . .smurf? they’ve been dating for 4 1/2 years or so, you’ve known Jen a couple months. He’s just making so many different and wierd changes lately I don’t really know what to say or how to say it. I love him, I do – and that won’t change but I don’t understand why he’s in such a rush, why is all of a sudden after a month is saying how hard it is living in Cincinnati when he hasn’t really even tried it. Now, of course I’d rather my brother be close to me, but if he’s says how grown up we need to treat him, well be better be prepared to act like it. He needs to plan past working for minimum wage is he wants to support he and his maybe wife because mommie and dadda will not do it for him. If he’s gonna claim to be a grown up he sure as hell better be ready to act like one.

I don’t know – I have so many different feelings right now I’m just throwing them all out here on this paper. . .this electronic. . paper.

It’s 1:17am. I should get some sleep. A long weekend is approaching.

PS. Please don’t comment about the section of my brother. I just need to get it out, I can’t listen to what anyone has to or wants to say about it right now. Thank you.

A FANTASTIC tap dancer that toured to the PAC in SLO recently and a few girls from school and myself went to see him.  Then we waited at the stage door, got autographs from the musicians and then got to go backstage and wait for Savion.  Then he rounds the corner and everyone wants a picture and an autograph – and we of course all got them, and then I asked for a hug.

I love people that make you want to be a better _______ ( in this case, tap dancer – but you get the point)

Sister’s wedding is rapidly approaching. SO excited!!!! We had Tea at the Tea House in SLO. . J. . Henry? (mandy thought of you and I don’t know if it just sounds like J. Henry, or if it IS J. henry – BUT there ya go) last saturday with all but one of the bridesmaids who couldn’t get off work in San Jose. . Mountain view area.  And I seriously leaned to my sister and said “it’s nice that you don’t go all bridezilla and fire her from your wedding because she couldnt’ attend Tea time” as it earlier this year became apparent to me that if you don’t attent things and you’re in the bridal party – you get fired.  Hello I don’t have money for a bachelorette party in Vegas and therefore spent September 9th with people that still like me, and love me.  Rolling Eyes party of one? you’re table is ready.  Sister and I just laughed and continued on with the wonderful bite size of everything lunch and 3 different kinds of tea.  And if you’re wondering I actually DID get full.  to my surprise, granted – but none the less I did get full. 

Rehearsal has begun and there’s just SOOOO much music I’m not sure what to do with myself.  My brain is going a mile a minute and praise Jesus for Digital Voice Recorders.  After we learn all the music we’ll start dancin’ and I ordered a new pair of character heels to practice in, . . . 3 INCHES becasue that’s how tall my boots are.  Now.  . . 3 inch heels are really a piece of cake to walk in – try daning in them.  Serioulsy with my shoes and head gear I’m a good 6’6″ – 7 feet tall.  I’m apparently the HOTTEST Zebra in the Jungle of Nool.  And I’ll keep plugging as we go.  We have preview Shows 11/9, and 11/10 and opening night is 11/11 and we don’t close until december 21.  SO – please come.  It would be really great to see people I know that care about me in the audience supporting me.  After all there’s a difference between community theatre runs and something like this.  It’s a pro theatre, yes with pro – equity actors yes.  . . but. . it’s more than that.  So please come, if you can.  MY GOD the costumes are SO effing cool I”m not sure what to think.  I thought spinning around in my napkin dress backstage was fun and the few times I got to go on was very fulfilling, but this role is mine.  There is no other Zebra, I’m IT! and our set design is freagin’ cool and the costumes and I adore our director and choreographer, and the gentlemen who plays the Cat in the Hat, is the same wonderful man that brought me to PCPA (Michael Jenkinson) and he choreographed Beauty and the Beast last year and Oliver.  SO COOL – seriously.

what else? . . um. .  school is actually just lovely right now.  I’m not overwhelmed with needing to memorize too much at one point.  The teachers don’t demand as much paper trail work as they did last year, which is REALLY helpful, because really it just makes us WANT to do it.  it makes us WANT to put IN more time in researching a time period and the music and all of these great things you do when defining a character and they just expect you to research and come in with ideas and offers and ready to work – I like that.  REAlLY ALOT I LIKE IT.  There are only a couple people I cannot stand this year, which is WAY better than I can only HANDLE a couple people like last year.  And that also helps move the day and week by. 

My weight is yucky.  I get weighed this saturday.  And I want to lose 30 pounds by July 1, 2007.  I need motivation, I lack it and my goal seems too much like a fantasy – like wanting to look like Jennifer Garner by Christmas.  Help?? – I don’t know

I hope you are well with your world. Thanks for checkin’ in!

Rehearsal for Suessical starts next tuesday, I’m a little excited.  More over I think I’m excited that I dont’ have to understudy ANYONE.  That’s REALLY my FAVORITE part. 

Sisters last fitting was last night for her dress it came out fantastic.  The dress she bought in order to change it all to what she wanted, has taken an amazing turn for the better. She is brilliant and creative and I have loved every moment celebrating with her this year.  From her engagement, to now 15 days away.  When i can – I’ll post pictures so you can see.  Of course that will be after october 14, 2006.  =)

Homocoming was fantastic this year.  As reigning (Jayme, is that right?) King, my queen and I had the privelage of throwing the party this year and crowning this years King and Queen to keep the tradition alive.  I got no where NEAR as tossed as last year.  Thank goodness.  The beverage I offered along with many other option was the “Princess Flirtini”. 

Flirtini:
Vodka
Champagne
Pineapple juice

Princess Flirtini:
Vodka Champagne
Pineapple Juice
Grenadine

Went over smashingly.  I went as the Phantom and Cleveland helped with my makeup scaring my face and stuff, and I had my mask hangin on my button up shirt beneath the clasp of my cloak.  He went as me at the green apron.  Classic.

I’ve gone up in weight – yuck.  weighing at 193.6, and my “smallest” being 191.2.  Before I was chalking it up to lack of going to the gym because when school started we had workshops ALL day.  Then for the past few weeks I’ve been able to go and as much as I truly have been trying to eat right, I’m not eating enough veggies I know it.  But my water intake has increased with all the dance I’ve been taking and sing tech of course encourages it and bla bla bla. So I think I’ll see some results inthe next few weeks providing I keep trying to down that water, eat more veggies and stay at the gym.  The only slight problem is rehearsal.  cause once it starts. . .

9 – 10:25
10:35 – 12
Lunch
1 – 2:55
3:05 – 4:30
dinner
rehearsal 6:30 – 10:30

and somewhere in there I’m sleeping and doing homework and trying to get to the gym.  Wish my luck and if you have quick “good for you” recipes please throw them my way.

What else?  Feel like I’m missing something.  Um for whatever reason someone (and more) out there is mixing up there facts about me and kaza. . .  So  – just chill out all.  What it comes down to is we’ve just decided to go in separate directions in our lives.  She’s happy with her life, and I am happy with mine.  There will always be 3 sides to this story.  her side, my side, and what really happened.  And if one day I share my story that’s my prerogative, as it is hers – and if I don’t and she doesn’t it is not your job to gossip or try to pull the stories out of us, or make up your own.  Remember when i said “change is good as long as you own it”…..?  Well things have changed, I’m different, I like it, I own it and if I don’t like it I say it and then move on.  Life is going to go by to quickly for me stop and make sure everybody “hears my story.”  The bottom line for me is I have my truth, and under no circumstances should I ever feel obligated to share that with you – I do it becaues I want to and becasue I can, not because I need to defend myself or Kaza, or anyone else. 

There – deep moment over. 

On a completely different note I’m going to spend new years in Utah visiting Antoan and I”M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!! a;leiwarj  L;KJESF;LAIWRJasklj l  ASDL;FKJDSF;LKDSJF KLSFJ ;KLS KLSF  = i’m excited. we’ll make snow angels like we did 10 years ago………woah.

There comes a time in our lives where we have to make decisions.  And these decisions will either change what’s going on in the moment, and or the near future and even the distant future.  I’ve come a place of absolute bliss with my beloved, yes its been not even a year since I’ve known him but I’ve NEVER felt like this about ANYTHING EVER before (yes, my john obsession included) but what I’ve also found is that in this transition time I’ve been shown who people are, really are.  There are people who changed in one Summer at school that I all of a sudden feel more connected to and comfortable with and it makes getting up and goin to school a joy (for now.=)  )  And there are people who have changed and we don’t mix like we used to.  What’s good is that I’m okay with it.  What’s good is that I don’t drown in sorrow, I don’t feel sad.  I don’t go about with a sour attitude, I’m not mad.  I’m right where I should be.  And whether people change or I change the only thing I can do is take care of who *I* am, and know *my* truth and know what I believe to be a loss or a memory or whatever. 

There are some people who in the midst of absolute chaos seek drama because of the rush, they come across so shallow and cowardess.  But I don’t know what *their* truth is, I only know mine and my experiences, so who am I to say they were right or wrong? 

Someone threw me away recently.  And because I was too poor to go anywhere, and because of whatever misunderstandings or miscommunications I felt attacked and told them and they threw me away like an old used up T-shirt.  It was unbelievable but completely fathomable at the same time.  You know people for a while you learn how they work, how they operate how you are supposed to talk to them in order to be heard.  You also learn if you’re going to put up with it anymore – and my choice was not to and to stand up for myself.  What’s great is that I feel confident in my choices, what’s unfortunate something so small, like money or an email or a phone message can trigger someone to a drastic measure and throw you away and call it for the best.  But again, that’s my truth – not theirs.

  People set themselves up for moments like these even if they don’t know it.  They chose to do “spring cleaning” because they get over freaked out about other stuff. 

Lessons can be learned everyday you decide to get up and live life.  The lesson I learned is different than what someone else might interpret, but that’s why its mine. 

I feel fine, I feel refreshed and I feel that I’m moving forward – I had only one moment of despair and it was when a song came on my iTunes that reminded me of Christmas time a few years ago and it was that moment the sadness hit me.  And not because of what *I* did or said, but that someone could say they cared so much and in an instant turn and call it trash. 

the craziness in the world will find you, don’t go searching for it – because the moment you do it takes hold of you, spins you around and throws you against a wall.  my wish for you is this, you do what you need to do for you and just own it.  you don’t need to get confirmation from anyone else.  you don’t need to hear someone tell you you made the right decision – if you do you’re questioning your own choices and judgement and you’re not standing on your own two feet.  I wish for you to find your feet and remember what it was like to walk on your own with people beside you – not holding you up or knocking you down.  you don’t need to constantly be re wording your thoughts and excuses for the decisions you’ve already made to make yourself look like the victim in recovery, or get someone on your side.  Remember there are 3 sides to every story.  yours, theirs and what really happened. 

Keep your drama to yourself and deal with it and move on, life just gets better if you let it.

the subject title reminds me of a skarieokie CD from long ago – hi Kevin.  😉

Suessical the Musical at PCPA has cast me as a Fish and as The Zebra.  I have no idea what that means, it means I’m an ensemble member though and if and when you decide to go see a play this winter at PCPA rest assure, I’ll be in it.  only reason not to be in it – very VERY ill, or very VERY injured.  neither of which we are hoping for – ok folks?  Being  a fish and a zebra (not at the same time) will take some serious studying though. . . and or I’m going to wear black and white at every zebra rehearsal i can and hopefully get my hands on some zebra leg warmers.  that would be fun. Best part for me though is I am NOT UNDERSTUDYING ANYONE.  That’s right NO ONE. . . I don’t have to understudya ANYBODY.  I’m very pleased with that, and they’ve also assigned me as the Dance Captain, which actually is a big deal considering it is a professional theatre company, these are equity actors and it will be a lovely addition to my resume. 
Nahnnah i’m sure the fact that I am Auntie Fishy is even MORE fun now.  ps , lovely to see you the other night.  seriously.  lovely.

Kaza got married this last saturday on the 9th . . . and I think that’s all i’m allowed to say. 

The peanut (jen law’s baby Jacob Jude) is turning 1 year old on the 19th and I get to see him on the 17th and am excited about that. 

Sisters Bridal shower was yesterday the 10th and was absolutely WONDERFUL, I love being her maid of honor it’s SO much fun for me and we already know next year she’ll be my matron of honor so its fun to see how things work.

Homocoming is on the 24th, I need a costume so if you have ideas please put them in the comment box.  Boys dress as girls, girls dress as boys. 

um. . .

I think that’s it for now. Have a wonderful week and wish me luck as school begins to pick up and rehearsal start in 2 weeks I believe.

AND.  John Mayer is NO LONGER dating Jessica Simpson, thank you to everyone who wanted to call and worn me and be there for me when the scandal was released. (lol).  Of course we all know that the universe. . .the energy in the universe had told John I was no longer available and so he went to the opposite side of the spectrum (sp?) and dated her for a hiccup.  His last “high profile” lady friend was Jennifer Puke Hewitt and we all know that didn’t last long either.  AND John’s new CD “Continuum” will be released tomorrow 9/12/06 so be sure to pick it up at your local green apron (yes we’re selling it, which of course means I get a discount!!!!!) when you stop to get your coffee.

Signing off, a lil homework before sister and Ma T T come over (read that as M.A.-double T) bye!

The cast list for Suessical the Musical will be posted on sunday the 10th, i’ll let you know

my sister’s wedding is in. . . 35 days – SO excited!!!!!!!!!!!

homocoming this year is sunday september 24th hosted by yours truly King Aiyani and Queen Matt.  This is where I need your help.  I need costume ideas.  remember boys dress as girls, girls dress as boys.  be creative, be charming, be all that wonderfull stuff that I”m not – and then please comment to tell me.

I had a WONDERFUL time at Loke’s the other night having wine with ladies and telling stories and chatting with mandy was especially superb, and Mandy i’m still serious about your book title.

I got to see Atreyu and Nahnnah this day and Pete for 2 seconds but it was so nice to see them.  I’m working on finding a balance this year between my life at PCPA and my life outside of it, and so far its working out just grand, things are working out just as they should be and instead of questioning or over analyzing I take stuff and move forward.  I feel empowered and free and I’m learning more every day about who I am and the kind of people that are apart of who I am now, and who I will be.  It’s also been interesting weeding out those who don’t seem to have a place anymore in my life, it’s different but its okay and life moves forward, and that’s ok because change is good as long as you own it.

i have an early WW meeting tomorrow I have to go to because I have class during the other available times.  I don’t think I’ll weigh in though, I know my body is just carrying more this particular week – i’m sure you catch my drift but you never know.  i might be brave tomorrow.  my new favorite phrase is “what if. . . ” and my fuel is that a teacher i respect told me I was fierce.

off to nodville
ciao

ps. remember to post your ideas for costume for me 

Hi. 

School started last week on the 22nd.  Thus far its only been 2 classes.  A second year project  on Bertolt Brechts “The Chalk Circle” and a Viewpoints Intensive Workshop (movement) .  We’ll start more classes this saturday and auditions for the winter season are on tuesday September 5, 2006.  I’ll be singing “Bring on the Men” and my monologue is from a book called “Til we eat again, confessions of a diet dropout” by Judy Gruen.  Friggin’ hilarious book by the way for those looking for something light and fun.  Auditions are for the Interplay Festival which is several short plays read aloud (i believe) in front of an audience. . . like readers theatre style i think – somethign like that. i’m not even sure – sorry. The big one is “Suessical the Musical” i haven’t read it yet – sorry, haven’t listened to it, sorry.  but it WILL be a fun musical for the whole family so be sure to come see it (if i’m in it. . . ) and i’ll keep you posted on that. 

I’m actually going to talk to the conservatory director and casting director about next semester casting because i’ll be planning a wedding and though i know it will be a great opportunity to understudy resident equity artists in a professional theatre setting i might want to not be considered for casting. that’s ONLY A MIGHT. . . by the way.  its just somethign i’ve thought about and want to talk to the school about. 

And just so we’re all on the same page. . . no, there is no ring signifying an engagment.  there is the love of my life and a date.  no place yet and that’s somethign i’m supposed to find quickly apparently.  any and all ideas welcome.  at first i wanted it inside but outside is now optional. . . so give me some options please.

alright – time to finish a little homework then off to bed.

ps. here is my current headshot  =)  comment if you so desire