Aiyani Mersai

I had lunch with MahRoomah today.  it was nice to see someone I like, be away from PCPA and the people involved in it, and be in a ventilated area. 

I like Sushi – thanks kaz, no seriously I needed to be around someone I liked SO bad and I’m glad it was you!!

I almost killed 20 of my classmates today.  Our Musical theatre ensemble meet was at 10am.  There were 7 of us there by 9:50 and everyone else was trickling in by 10:05 – 10:15 with some people that were coming back from SLO that were later than that. 

Things about my classmates I’m sick of:
being irresponsible
being disrespectful of people time and the work we are here to do
not following dress code
coming in to class drunk or hungover or high or whatever substance they abused. 
missing class completely because of above line
drama they bring into the space when we’ve been over and over the idea’s of leaving the SHIT OUTSIDE OF THE WORK PLACE

I need to be away from these people.  Its days like today where there is NO REASON TO RETURN NEXT YEAR.  And unfortunately there are many more days like today than there are “good” days. 

Cleveland leaves for SRT in Santa Rosa next saturday and will be gone for about 2 months working.  When he comes back we’re moving in together so my sister and her fiance will be at the Condo with their Dog Gwynnie.  I just hope with my effing terrible credit I’ll be able to pass and live somewhere I actually LIKE.  And they always want people to make 3 times as much as the rent and I live off of grants and student loans and a few extra dollars I make at the green apron…….so we’ll see how that works out. 

I dont’ hate my life.  I’m in EXTREME dislike of most of the people in it, and my money situation and my weight situation and my living situation always makes me go crazy.

I have some time to eat then I have to get back to the theatre by 7:30pm.

PS. My sister is having a Yard Sale tomorrow. . .
Saturday May 20, 2006
530 Gaynfair Terrace
Arroyo Grande, CA
93420

Gaynfair is off of Farroll in AG, my Margaret Harloe Elementary School

bye

OLIVER! closes on a matinee on May 14, 2006.  My last day of school (well, of classes that is) is May 13.  then we do tech week for the second years Showcase and 1st years help out and the last day at PCPA for this year is May 21.  People keep saying how fast its gone.  . . I guess I’m the only one who has felt the 12-14 hour days and the sleepless nights due to musicals  and homework and monologues sometimes literally dancing in my head.  Guess I’m the only who has been excited and dreaded EVERY DAY I’ve spent there.  I’m the only one its moved like molasses for.

I’ve been REALLY trying to look for that one piece of positive every day.  Whether its in a class or in a rehearsal with a fellow classmate, I’ve been looking for that piece that makes me say “yes! that’s why I’m here!!!”  and sometimes I’m successful and sometimes I’m not. When you have classmates that don’t show up for a rehearsal because they’re too high or still drunk it makes me want to leave and pursue my life and not waste my life waiting for the 12 year olds to get their act together.  I’ve learned to tollerate people and how they are, as I’m sure many have learned to tolerate me and who I am . . and what I learned the other day is “I’m not mean, I’m matter of fact” and I loved it and want to put it on a shirt.  And maybe my matter of factness is annoying to some classmates, but you know what stuff they do is annoying too and I deal with it.  What I refuse to deal with is the irresponsibleness that seems to come with the “i’m just out of highschool and living away from home so i’m gonna party every night and only do the bare minimum requirement” attitudes and those who are still underage.  Granted most of them act 18, 19, and 20 – and that’s because most are 18, 19, and 20 but maybe they should’ve waited til they were mature enough for this school.  I dont’ think some are as desciplined as they should be and they just slide by using the “i’m working on it” bit.  Well you know what? . . learn your friggin lines when you’re supposed to don’t tell me you’re figuring out a way to memorize them because its hard for you to retain.  you should be in a different field if you can’t stay organized with all that is given to you.  And stop pulling the my printer is broken crap, if you didnt’ wait til the last minute to print you would’ve been able to take care of this problem before hand.  Yes we have alot of homework and yes I know it can be overwhelming but we are never assigned something that is due the next day because we don’t have the same class 2 days in a row (accept acting, and they normally collect papers from us once a week) you have time to get your stuff together, so GET IT TOGETHER and start acting responsible.   

I’m doing better and better in my ballet class the other day I did a double with my leg in turnout not parallel  – if that doesn’t make sense, don’t worry about it just know that before I could barely hold my leg in a position and balance and now i’m turning and doing it. its a very big deal. 

I’ve been planning my sisters bachelorette party and its going to be fun and I hope all the girls can make it.  If you have ideas for games please send them to me, I mean I have the bulk of the activities but I need games for her too you know? yay!

Cleveland and I are still doing well.  he leaves for SRT (in Santa Rosa) on May. . . 27? I think and he’ll be gone for I think 7 weeks.  I’m going to try to visit him but it will be hard being in B&B and STGA this summer. 

I’m going to get a gym membership at Golds on Monday or. . sometime in the next couple of days.  I can’t take this body of mine anymore.  And I’ve started Weight Watchers.  And please if you have an opinion about WW, DON’T share it with me.  I want to approach this with an open mind and get my own experience from it with out it being tainted or enlightened by anyone.  thank you, i’m sure you understand.  Anyways I went to a meeting for it on monday 4/24 and began on 4/25.  i’ll keep you update on results providing I receive any that are POSITIVE. . . =)

Kaza – you don’t look prego
nahnnah – thank you for calling me back and trying to help, i have everything i need now
PG – you called the other night, but no message. . . hi?!
B.E.  – lunch . . . sometime when I dont’ use my lunch hour as a rehearsal time
Kevin – love the new logo LOVE IT
Loke n Jim – miss ya!
Mandy n Chad – Congratulations he’s adorable, good job! =)

All who called on my birthday – Thank You, I listened to every message and I loved all of them.  It means alot to me that you remembered and took a few minutes to let me know you were thinking of me. 

and, i’m considering not returning to PCPA for my second year.  some people know this, some don’t.  I have reasons to leave and reasons to stay and I just am putting it out there. 

totally taking a shower now.
ciao

PS. please post any toys you used to play with as a child, and your favorite ice cream to me  – thanks.

tonight was the last night of “tech” week.  We have a preview tomorrow and friday and we open saturday night, which brings me to :

Things Aiyani can’t stand about “Oliver!”  :
1)  Unorganized Directors
2)  Directors who waste actors time by calling a cast of 45 together while a solo song is run for light and sound check
3)  Stage Managers who say “quiet please” when the choreographer is teaching a (new) dance to his dancers, the musical director is speaking to 15 children, and the director is speaking with the lighting guy. . . everyone in the house IS quiet
4)  Directors who decide to add an encore piece 2 days before a paying audience is in the house, but also doesn’t give any rehearsal time for it so the actor/dancers are learning it in the lobby between scene changes
5)  Directors who change who does what for a scene change but doesn’t tell everyone (read didn’t tell the kids they didn’t need to help anymore, and then yelled at them for doing something wrong)
6) when dancers on stage are asking questions that were answered weeks ago in the rehearsal hall but just NOW are realizing they haven’t been doing it right
7) certain peoples vibrattos (sp??)

Things Aiyani Likes about “Oliver!”  :
1)  My boyfriend is the Assistant Sound Designer, so the effects sound better than they would’ve (i’m partial to liking him though, so that’s cheating)
2) The choreographers patience and ability to use the words “please” and “thank you” even though he wants to swear
3)  Soon it will open, which means soon it will CLOSE
4) The Fellow swings are dedicated and hard workers
5)  the choreographers willing to jump in and fix EVERYTHING the director hasn’t done right.
6)  Bryn Harris as Nancy

If you go to PCPA and don’t like what I wrote – I’m not sorry, I’m allowed to have an opinion and I’m allowed to express it on my personal journal page

If you were going to see PCPA Theatrefests Rendition of “Oliver!” – don’t, save it to see me as a the ever seductive cheese grater this summer in solvang

If you’re pregnant – how are you?
If you’re kaza – have you seen the yanks in person yet this year?
If you are Lisa Marie – I’ve lost my pancake recipe paper and No on the “Boomers” option, its still a wedding for a princess remember??
If you are my future brother-in-law I like the hair
If you are John Mayer please contact me directly via myspace.com – i AM one of your friends.  I’m the pretty one who wants you to be ordained as a minister so i can marry both the men I love.
If you’re wondering, and you’re probably not – I’ve changed my wedding date to July 21, 2007.  I LOVED 7/7/07 but its too close to the fourth and I don’t want to be in competition with other big days. 
If you’re now wondering if I’m engaged – no I’m not, its something we’ve just discussed

If you know of a place to get hitched that is indoors, not a church nor a hotel – let me know

and if you feel like commenting on anything, please do so – it makes me think people actually care.

have a great Easter, sleep in, pray, or paint and look for hardboiled eggs.

PS.  Today is now thursday 4/13 – there are 4 shopping days til my birthday.
I still want a Polar Heart Rate Monitor
I still want an IPOD
and I still want a Magic Bullet; which contrary to (apparent) popular belief is not a sex toy, its a kitchen appliance. 

ciao

Hi, My name is Aiyani and if I don’t go to school with you – I miss you. 

If I’ve missed your birthday, Happy Belated Birthday

If I haven’t called you back, I apologize – yes I really AM THAT busy.

Life is school from 9am – 4:30 and rehearsal from 6:30 – 10:30pm or 11pm with homework whenever I get a chance. 

Yes I’m still with Cleveland, I love him he makes me SO happy EVERYDAY

I MISS SKARIEOKIE LIKE NO ONE’S BUSINESS

I will hopefull see you all sometime between July 16 and August 20. (time frame equals After Beauty and the Beast, and before school starts)

I’ve got to get to rehearsal now.

I’m fat . . . I mean. . .I’m always chunky but sometimes I hold it better, now is not one of those times.

My birthday is April 17, I’ll be 27 and I want:
A Polar Heart Rate Monitor
An Ipod
A Magic Bullet.

No I don’t expect to actually get them, but its wishful thinking that all of us princesses do – am I right.

Hope all is well, and. . . i’m gone.

Starting tomorrow I have another acting teacher.  I had Foss for first semester, Susan for 1/2 of second semester and heidi for the rest of this year.  Something we often have to write and share is “who am I” and the focus is on what’s going on with me right now in my life in my world.  this is what I wrote and what I will read to the class tomorrow:

Who am I?

Even though I believe there is a time for everything and everything in its time, I still feel gypped somehow, like there are pieces missing, pieces that were left behind.  And now I am this person gathering new pieces, pieces that everyone else tells me will surely assist me in being the person I want to be, but how would they know, after all who do they think I am? What do they think I want to be?? – I still ask too many questions and I don’t like to participate, that’s a lie, I do that with my friends that know me – my friends that have known me for years.  I trust them.

Right now I’m in love, and I’ve said that many times before and I even meant it – once.  It’s like feeling nervous but in a good way, and feeling nervous is a new feeling for me as well.  I’m giggly lately and tired at the same time and frustrated.  I’ve become a person with a messy room and a car that looks like I live in it.  I’m still organized though, I think – well writing everything down helps.  I still love mint n chip ice cream and I still feel like I’m the person who likes to sing defying gravity, but at the same time I’m still scared of trying to do so – that Michael Jenkinson either loves me and wants to challenge me or hates me and wants me to cry and leave the school.  Deep down I think I know the truth.

And deep down I know my truth and I know I don’t share it with many people.  I’m still closed off, and I’m aware of it.  Deep down trust is still an issue and it won’t change over night because someone told me “I must” or “I should.”  I’m learning, still learning.

I’m 5’9’’ barefoot and I like rice and pretty much anything having to do with rice, I filed my taxes already this year and have successfully spent my return already on things I needed and things I simply wanted. 

Right now my patience feels worn thin and I wish my body would catch up.  I’m the same height as Jennifer Garner and we have the same birthday, which to me says I’m destined to look like her.  Right now I feel like I attended a Life Seminar and instead of taking notes I recorded it and listening to the playback its at 78 and I can’t figure out how to make it play at 45, which in a less metaphoric way means I feel full of knowledge yet I feel like things are moving to slow.  BUT I have a clear view on one thing; my experiences are what I make of them.  Whether positive or negative I have the ability and freedom to choose how I approach anything.

I’m still no one to be trifled with
I’m still Inigo Montoya
I’m still the man on the flaming pie

Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen~

PCPA offered me the Beauty and the Beast Summer remount with the following roles:
On-Stage – Villager/Cheese grater
Swing – villagers and napkins
Understudy Babette

I asked for more money, after, we met in the middle.  Beauty and the Beast opens June 14 and plays til July 15 in Solvang and IF you go, you WILL see me in one track or another.

However to my slight disappointment -that was all they offered me.  No Shakespeare (but Im’ TOTALLY cool with that) no Sondheim (kinda fleh about it) and no Dames at Sea (quite disppointed) when I asked if Dames at Sea had been cast I was told that no first year students were being cast in it because rehearsals start before school starts. Which really means they don’t to have to pay us.  This particular year (the fist year class, my class) we have many people quite capable of being excellent ensemble tap members to Dames at Sea and they didn’t cast us.  In my opinion it is their loss.

My midsemester evaluation is this sunday March 12 @ 10:20.  There the Conservatory director will tell me what my teachers think of my work and where I need to improv – no, I’m not nervous but I’m ready to comment if I get any crap about Alexander Technique – I hate that class.  And perhaps one day I’ll write a whole shpiel on it, but today is not that day.

Rehearsals for “Oliver!” have begun.  I’m a Swing again, this time for only 3 girls.  Some have solo lines in songs that I will need to learn, one is an alto part the other a soprano – say a prayer for me.

I need to eat
Read The Cherry Orchard
Read A Streetcar named Desire
Read  pages 213 – 237 in my Cohen Book (more history stuff)
Find a 30 second shakespeare monologue
Find a song that represents who I am right now in my life

Off I go –

In August of 2001 ( I think ) I met Adam from the Band I brought home at Mothers Tavern.  I was hangin’ out with Ro and we wandered in there had a drink then ended up talking with the band and takin’ ’em back to the barn for munchies and sleep.  Adam plays the trombone and in his band (Cannonball) there was also a saxaphone player and a trumper player a drummer and a rapper.  It was such a fun mix, but what I fell in love with was the brass, the horns.  I’ve appreciated them and loved them ever since.

When I went to see John in Concert (2/22/04) in Fresno because Adams friend was playing with John I cried and laughed and enjoyed this wonderful show.  Adam’s friend Erik played the trumpet, and again I was drawn to the horns.  They can change any song, truly.

I don’t like Valentine’s Day simply because its blown out of proportion. Those that expect things. . THINGS are materialistic and do not appreciate people and the love that people have to offer.  People that succomb to the ideals that one day a year we are suppose to appreciate our “other half” are those that don’t show emotion and love year around.  I believe in showing the person you love them in as many ways as you can think of or fathom, I believe that there should always be the soft pillow of what love can be at the end of a really hard day or a really long week.  I believe if you say you love someone you should say it as often as you feel it, and if you only feel it one day a year you don’t know what it is.

I’ve told people, boys; men that I loved them.  I loved them as my friends, my good friends. I’ve never felt extremely “ga-ga” about anyone, the closest was Ryan but he always kept me doubting him as well.  I thought I was going to marry him and I was 18.  Don’t we all have a story like that?  I don’t remember ever being with him on Valentines Day, if we were together it obviously was not memorable.  Another person made me dinner and cut out little construction paper hearts and that same night fought with me until I was in tears and left because of the terrible things he was saying about me and the person I was.  Someone took me out to dinner for Valentines Day once, I don’t know where it was, I don’t know what I wore or what he wore.  I made dinner with someone once and we ate it at about 10pm at night and I was just tired and I really didn’ want to be cooking or eating or talking, I wanted to be sleeping.  One particular Valentines day, Brighteyes was my Valentine and I made her a card with a pic of me and John and her and Johnny Depp in it.  Its always just been another day, it’s my sisters Half-Birthday, a day filled with pink and red and grocery store bought flowers for those who fall behind on their schedule.  Some people propose on this day, I won’t comment on that.  Some people have expectations, some people fantasize what others will say or do and some people just work or go to school and go their boyfriend/girlfriends house afterwards like every other day.

Tuesday started as an easy day for me.  I had no classes.  I had slept in, and ran errands.  Cleveland had to work so I waited for him and worked on homework while I waited.  He called when he got home and he said he’d go to the store to get stuff for dinner and he’d call me when he was on his way home and I could go over to his house.  He made me Taco Salad, we both wanted that for dinner.  We chatted while he cooked and we sat together at the table.  I was in comfy jammie like clothes and he was in blue jeans and a grey collared shirt.  He said he wanted me to listen to something after we brushed our teeth….ok…?  So we brushed went into his room and I had a card for him, and he had a card for me too.  (I don’t remember receiving a card on Valentines Day and if I did it was signed “love ____” but this guy, this wonderful person in my life, my Cleveland wrote me in his own words how he felt about me.  While I was reading it over and over he was getting bags out.  Bags I hadn’t seen before.  And headphones.  It took me a bit before I realized he was going to play his trumpet for me.  I had known he could play, he played through Jr. High and high school and in all kinds of traveling concert groups and such, and he told me he’d play for me – I just didn’t know when.  I thought he’d play for me at Christmas time, then it was random days he said he would and couldn’t for one reason or another, most of those reasons were because of time.

First he gave me a lesson on the trumpet and all its parts and what of the valves and different mouth pieces, then he pulled out this contraption that plugged the front of the horn.  It was a mic that stuffed into the instrument that you could plug in and listen to on headphones so he could practice without playing loud all througout the house.  He took a couple seconds to check volume for himself and me then he told me to put my headphones on and he played for me.

He played for an hour and 15 minutes:
Think of Me (Phantom of the Opera)
All I ask of You (Phantom)
Kiss the Girl (Little Mermaid)
Part of your world (Little Mermaid)
One Jump Ahead (Aladdin)
Beauty and the Beast (duh. . . )
Champions Theme ’96 Olympics
Send in the Clowns (A Little Night Music, Stephen Sondheim)
Can You feel the Love Tonight (Lion King)
My Way – Senior Year Solo (we’re both surprised he remembered that one)
When I fall in Love
A Whole New World (Aladdin)
Always (um. . . “and we…..I will love you so. . . for aaaaaalllwways)
Everything I do I do it for you (Mr. Bryan Adams)
Linus & Lucy (yay)
More Than Words (Extreme)

He didn’t play every song all the way through, he made cute flubs in trying to find the note and would exclaim “sorry” in the middle of playing then go right back to what he was doing, or we’d say what note he wanted or didn’t want while playing.  He hadn’t played since October.  He stated his apologies for messing up so much, I told him how special it made me feel that he played at all.

He’s just so wonderful, and he makes me feel wonderful and special – and I’ll always remember this Valentines Day, because someone was original, someone who tells me everyday how much he loves me showed me another way he loved me by sharing apart of him with me. You know stuff like this is what good movies are made of.

Happy Valentines Day all, and I hope you appreciate whom you love everyday that you can in everyway that you can.