Aiyani Mersai

Oh the life we lead when first we practice to deceive.

Don’t know where that came from….

Hi. I just needed to take a break from typing all these names and company addresses for a “checkin’ in” letter also introducing our new DOS. Oh Joy.

My sister finally read at least yesterday’s entry. She asked me what I thought of he bangs and I told her to come here. So she did – so if she reads this she’ll also find out she’s redeemed herself and I shall call her …..(no not squishy) myfavoritesister.

Having fun with Shawn Jacques last night for like 3 hours on the phone learning how to manage a website….well, at least play with it a bit. You can look at it but it’s very primitive still…..I’m already TOTALLY addicted though and can’t wait to get home to play with it somemore!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jax -you’ve created an html monster…..ps – what the hell does html stand for????hahahahahaaha

The sad part:
My camera was being wierd the past few days. When I open the shutter it blinks “E” for error but there’s film IN it. It wasn’t the battery I recently replaced that. SO, I decided to take it to Target and tell them: There is film IN the camera but it says error, so I just want to develop the pictures that are on it, and get rid of the rest of the film. About 1/2 hour later I go back and she told me there weren’t any pictures ON the negatives…..That it was all black and it was spoiled film. Which mean….NO PICTURES…. NO PICTURES OF THE KNIGHTS AT MEDIAVAL, NO BIRTHDAY PICS FOR MENTOR, AND No picture of me and Ruben. Devistated…..I called him and left him a message – no he won’t care but I DO. Then called kaza and pouted to her, then took to some food therapy by going to my local Panda Express.

But whatever right? I mean who cares if I haven’t gone since last June and that that was the 8th time I’ve gone. Who cares if I got a flower from my knight and Michael recognized me and gave me a hug. Who cares it’s just about the only happy place I have lately……….I CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so my decision is. I’m still going to try to go once a month. I’m going to save save save AND FYI – —- my birthday (april 17) is on a Saturday this year. I want my friends, me and my family to all go to

Why do I have an option to purchase Live Journal clothing? Is that REALLY necessary? On the other hand, good workout clothes right? no?? ok. hhmmmm

We have lift off. Well Drop-Off rather. I successfully filled out 6 applications last night for some local Arcadia restaurants. BJ’s Brewery, Claim Jumper, Acapulco, Black Angus, Applebees, and Macaroni Grill. And they didn’t have “to-go specialist” available to check mark on the Applebees one (that’s what kaza is. lol) AND in my perfect world I get to work at Macaroni Grill. And kaza said I DEFINATELY need to work there because my ring on her phone is yankee doodle. (sing the song) and when she answers her phone she says “macaroni.” So we’ll see.

Toy Talk – Today’s Toy: Mr. Potato Head
No here’s a guy with no neck, that’s just funny. He’s got legs and arms and a body. Aside from the that, let’s dip into this a little bit more. We can change his face. Wouldn’t we ALL like to do that to ourselves sometime? But then again we kind of do. If we must we put our “angry eyes” on and let people know what we think. But don’t we wish it was that simple sometimes? Just take the expression you’re looking for out of the pile place it on, say what you want to say then switch it back. I guess for some people it is that simple, other people not so much. Maybe this means we have to work on it. Maybe some of us get so used to how we look we dont’ want to change it even to express ourselves to someone. And it doesn’t always have to be out of anger. We have loving looks, and silly looks and normal looks. Who are you today? and will it be easy to change for you? Do you WANT to change? Are you the type of person that can be one way for a moment and then someone else the next? Me? I just want to make sure if I “need” to put on my angry eyes or silly face that I always have them with me (but not in my butt) thanks. And you never know what you’ll run into so take an extra pair of shoes too….just in case! (wink)

Apparently my sister doesn’t read this like she should, but her boyfriend checks it everday and updates her. Kudo’s to Matt, but Bad Squishy to the former favoritesister…..and Yah Matt – tell her I said FORMER!!! And she sent me pics today cause she chopped bangs. Wierd – bangs. She looks fine – don’t get me wrong, it’s just you get used to something, and then change it – again with changing. whatever right? I mean it’s no big deal. And I’d put a pic up here for all to see but I dont’ know how to do that. I either need to ask or use the HELP key. We’ll see .

Shawn Jacques – remember next time I’m in town you must show me how to manage the punk.net site thingy.

Hi, I’m hungry (and normally am because I don’t really eat very often) and need to go to Target and then Home. Have a great night – and I’ll talk to you later.

I’m listening to a CD I picked up at the Pottery Barn from La Cumbre aka. Salem Place in Santa Barbara. Kaza and I met up there once a while ago. We shopped and had lunch and it was WONDERFUL. I miss you kaza – I know I practically dedicated the last entry to her, but “we fell in love in 1998…” lol. And pretty much all my Greatest Hits or Memories in my young adult life have been with her. Buying this CD is one of them. It has some great 80’s songs. It has me and Randy Bear’s song on it. This is the song we danced to December 19, 1999 at The Cliffs Resort’s Holiday Party. My mom had made my dress and PG’s dress – I LOOKED FABULOUS!!!! lol. Anyways the song is True by Spandau Ballet and that’s that. Useless information here at theworldofaiyani.com

As for Star 98.7……No more John tix will be given away. My only hope now is to get positive in my bank account and get em on ebay. But they’re crazy expensive like $150 for 2 tickets….i KNOW they were like $45….but unfortunately for people like me I will actually pay that in order to go see it.

I need to get some dryer sheets, Body wash, nylons (for work), new shoes (for work), new bra’s (because), and my camera is acting up – so I need to take it to target so they can take the film out and develop it. I need to pay my phone, gas and electricity bill and my car payment. I’m so excited.

But Twin (Tina @ work) today gave me her toy from her happy meal, it’s Stitch and some playdough – pink. Smells just like I remember.

My sister is going to send me her workout tapes she doesn’t currently use then I can start up with those. I don’t know what she has but I’m looking forward to the surprise – it’s like Christmas again! Or my 3/4 birthday present or…..whatever!

Kaza had a bad weekend apparently, both of us are sporting our “be” neclaces now. I think we really need some roomah time. Yah she was here for Christmas but we need her and me time, and barn time. Something like that at least.

Ok, I actually have work to do, so I’m gonna go do it.

I just wanted to get out some random thoughts that kept me from focusing on work. No the DOS is not here, so it’s an all right day I suppose. It will be interesting when she gets back how we will get along or not.

Remember the “Get-a-Long Gang” ??? Thanks

The End of the weekend:

After leaving the movie theatre I turned my phone back on and had a text message from Mahroomah. She said she missed painting nails together. She must have just knows tonight I was doing them – we’re weird like that. So I ate a sandwich I made at home and put on Mission Impossible 2 and did my nails. Now I needed something just as background noise to fill the silence while I typed this thing. And I don’t know about you, but I know SHE will know what movie I chose by the title of this entry. So kaza – I’m thinking of you RIGHT NOW. Which of course comes as no surprise to anyone else but it’s nice to see it in writing once in a while.

My feet are freezing by the way – and I should turn on the heater or put some socks on but if you retain the story while you read it; you’ll remember……I just painted my toenails.

I was slightly worried this weekend when I didnt’ see Plantboy online at all – only because he lives there, then I remembered he was visiting a friend in Phoenix or something and kinda smiled that he had told me at all. That’s the girlie part of me….yes such a side exists. Thanks.

I hope to get more sleep tonight, I tossed and turned last night and got pretty much 1 1/2 hours of sleep total. And that was at about 10am today til 11:30am. So I’m also typing deliriously.

The Middle of the weekend:

Roger Rabbit arrived Saturday night 7:45ish and we went out to dinner with my friend JeanEne Grrr!!!! at a place called Versailles – Cuban food. Not bad, rather good actually. I can see a revisit in my future, shortly after my bank allows me to do so. We got back here by 11…11:30ish and watch Chicago. Roger Rabbit hadn’t seen it before….yah…..I don’t know what that’s about, or how I let that one slip by but I guess it’s ok now that he has been exposed to the beauty of it all. We went to sleep afterwards and I was either too hot or too cold or I hated my blankets or my pillows or whatever but either way, he said he slept fine. lol. He tried to help me go to sleep but nothing worked. I think it has something to do with not ever sharing my bed. I sleep on the whole Queen Size of it, and FOR ONCE ..no – I’m not saying I’m fat (I’m trying to cut back) I just tend to sleep at an angle. Then I thought to myself I’m fine at Plantboy’s house but….. that’s not my bed…. and sometimes there’s this necessity of “Hey cuddle up next to me until I fall asleep!!” and I’m sure he rolls over and goes to sleep once I have. I guess it’s a comfort zone or something. I don’t know, maybe I was just worried if I did fall asleep I’d accidentally kick or smack poor Roger Rabbit. Whatever.

We woke up at 11ish and I had a cup of coffee with Husband and then Roger Rabbit and I went to see the last Lord of the Rings. I made sure I went to the bathroom like 3 times before we went in, and I STILL had to go in the middle. Oh well, what are ya gonna do? But it was amazing as I had imagined it would be and my review is as follows

~~The final part to the Trilogy of Lord of the Rings does not by any means fall short of expectation or imagination. Coming from a person that never read the books I’m pleased to have had given my attention for so long. I lost myself in the story and was COMPLETELY captivated by the battles and wars and number of armies. Not to mention the size of the said armies. (I guess trying to fathom so many ugly guys in one place seemed far fetched but low and behold, there they were) And the idea of battles with no guns was oddly refreshing, I continued to wonder what they could think of next to use to attack and what the “good guys” would do to fight back since the ratio of good to bad seemed like 1:100 Though the screen slightly missed Orlando Bloom I was more drawn to Frodo and Sam this time. I had no idea what to expect and I assure you the edge of my seat remained warm. I do hope the proper awards are sent to those in the film and those who made the film happen. It is truly a feast for the eyes and I did find closure in the (several) ending(s). ~~

The Beginning of the weekend:

After gettin’ tossed Friday night with Husband and eating $25 worth or Carlos Junior I woke up at 8am on the dot on saturday. Then went to sleep and awoke again at 9am, and then again at 10am when I decided to go ahead and wake up. I played on the interent for a bit, made some coffee and hung out with husband. Took husband to the gym and came home and checked the mail. My sister had sent me a Dido’s new CD and a WAY COOL CARD that had the Wonder Twins on it………we totally played them when we were little. I chatted a bit with Roger Rabbit via the internet. It was 3pmish when he said his mom was gonna take him to his friends house and he would be approximately 25 miles from me. So we decided he’d come over and we’d go out to dinner with my friend JeanEne. Cuban Food…Versailles (having a little deja vu?)

And now:

The dished need to be done, but they won’t be done by me. I don’t feel like it. I’d like a flavored beverage, but we don’t have any so I’m drinkng water – oh joy. The DOS will be gone still until I think friday, so it should be an okay week.

I’m going to try harder. I’m going to try to do something everyday that makes me feel better about me and where I am and who I am, and where I’m going. I know I’ve been terribly negative and bringing you all down, and I’m sorry for that. I have placed my “goals” on my corkboard in my room and another one on my bathroom mirror so I will see them everyday and remind myself that if this is bottom, there’s no where else to go, but up. I did my Pilates 3 times since thursday it’s very calming and relaxing and I feel good after.

I put my “be” necklace on that Kaza and I have twinners of. I haven’t warn it in a VERY long time and saw it on my dresser. I don’t remember ever putting it there – I always keep my necklaces and earrings and what not in certain jewelry boxes. But it was sitting right there and I just thought of Kaza and all of our thousands of conversations about appreciating what we have and taking things for what they are….and sometimes remembering to just….be….don’t be sad or cranky or think to much about what’s supposed to happen next.

Just….be….

Oddly enough, I’ve been humming a song I wrote her all weekend, and it says “just be” like 8 times. It’s a sign!!!!!

Good night Neverland, especially those with Tink butt a flash away

Rolling in last night from work seemed odd by 5:50, since I normally arrive by 5:30. And I didn’t really remember the drive home, I guess I was on auto pilot or something. I guess listening to the radio, or John, or just singing to myself was subconciously entertaining enough to drown out the 5 o’clock ride and staring off at thousands of breaklights can be a bit hypnotizing after a while. A bottle of white wine assisted with my weeks issues shortly after my arrival though. (wink)

Friday actually began with me being about an hour late to work. Not a big deal, and if it was I can just leave if they don’t like it. I had stayed at Plantboy’s house thursday night. I went over and we talked about this and that and cried a little then alot. Same old stuff can just be more over whelming some days than others. Him sometimes being part of the problem I DID bring to his attention but he was very understanding and communicative about everything. So I DID appreciate that as well. And he cuddled up next to me and played with my hair until I cried myself to sleep. I got up at 8am instead of 7am Friday, hence the 1 hour behind schedule bit. Sometimes you just need to be babied you know? And I know ALL my friends had they lived closer would allow me to cry until I fell asleep in their arms – but we all know that regardless of my sometimes issues with Plantboy he can be very caring and a good friend. Thus doing his part by letting me vent and allowing me to get it all out with words and tears. So, thank you Plantboy for that.

Not that I don’t love talking to Seanah, and Mahroomah and all you kats on the phone – i DO, and I NEED to keep in contact with you guys too – so don’t think for a moment that I don’t appreciate you too. Thank you to everyone who is trying to lift my spirits and brighten my day with whatever they can since distance lies between most of us.

Monday I’m going to go by the restaurants by my hotel and pick up applications to do SOMETHING else by night. Hostess, serve, bartend – whatever. I NEED to get going on money before I end up in JAIL or without indoor plumbing or something horrible. See the problem is….when I get paid it’s not enough to take me out of the negative zone at my bank so I just cash it, and send out money orders for my bills…but this leaves my bank account at a disturbing -$820…….how can this happen???? Overdraft my friends. Plus everytime something tries to go thru and my bank says no they still charge me $21…. And it is supposed to be helpful for those “between” paycheck moments, but …..low and behold I’m like some sort of irresponsible young adult; which I only became after moving out here. wah wah wah.

I shall be in town over the weekend of February 13 – 15. Most of you will call this Valentine’s weekend, Me? It’s my sisters half birthday on the 14th and I’ll be seeing Daaaaaana in the Vagina Monologues at Cuesta and maybe Hamlet at PCPA. But you will also find me at the ever popular and missed second home called “Sunset Dunes” on saturday.

So to briefly also update you on our new Director of Sales at LAXHD…..Think short, red hair, blue eyes, irish – accent included……bossy, thinks she’s funny and speaks to me in a condescending fashion. Leans over WAY to close into my space to see what I’m “working” on – and no I haven’t been caught doing other fun things…yet. But you know whatever. I told H.R. I about her tone with me and her looks and told the GM too. He said to cut her a little slack because she learning alot of new things for our property…….um….yah……….no – no deals. I told him I will NOT continue to work here if she keeps her attitude with me up. She’s had it since the first time I met her. I’m pretty sure it’s because she knows it’s just a job to me. That I don’t want a career in hotels, that I’m not looking to advance to a Sales Manager or Director of Sales or Director of Operations or GM. I’m looking for a paycheck to pay my bills and I will leave for an audition because it was part of the deal when I got there. And that deal will NOT break because SHE wants it to. She can get a new assistant before I give in to her ways!!!!!!!!!!!!! Plus EL was gone this whole last week at a training seminar for new Sales Software we’ll be using so I was listening to DOS all by myself. Hi, she likes Twin though (Twin = Tina). Whatever whatever whatever.

My nails are doing rather well and I haven’t bit them for a while. I normally don’t but sometimes I just chew them all off in some sort of freak nervous moment while on the phone or watching a movie or something. I need to paint my toes though. They’ve been periwinkle for at least 2 weeks – different color is in order.

I ran out of dryer sheets and quarters and I’m almost out of toilet paper…..so I need to take care of that SOON! hahahahah

Seanah’s just IM’d me, she’s feeling homesick. I don’t want you to cry Nahnnah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know it must be hard though. I’m sorry I don’t have any comforting words to use. I do miss you too though. And I promise I will visit you and kaza as soon as I can. And have some pizza for me!

I cancelled my membership at Miami Fitness, they DO have a check for $42 for over charging me and overdraft fees whatever – but I cancelled there. Why did it take 6 weeks for them to do anything!!!????? I’d like to join the 24 Hour Fitness in Glendale like 4 miles from here and they have a pretty cool special right now….so if I come up with $250 I’ll sign up! hahahaha Then it’s only $30 monthly after that. Until then my sister said I could take and use/borrow her workout videos and I’ve been doing my Pilates at home. It’s a very good thing to do after work when I need to just breath and be calm.

Roger Rabbit’s is on his way down here to play a bit this weekend. We’re gonna meet up with my friend JeanEne Grrr at a place called Versailles in Encino for dinner at like 8:15ish, so that will be fun.

The Goals for this year are:
* Get out of financial hole
* Lose the weight I want to (and since it’s only January I still have 11 months to do it)
* Keep trying it out here and auditioning, afterall I said I’d give myself 3 years
* I’d like to record my songs. I know what I want the cover to look like, and I know what I’m going to call it- but none of you get to know until later. hahahaah
* Get out to New York and visit Kaza and Nahnnah (maybe feel it out a bit, since the LA LA land adventure is 1/3 over…..wink wink)
* Find the me that was positive and optomistic (Jax, member you said you’d help install that software into my brain the next time I was in town =D )

“That’s all I’ve got to tell you, that’s all I’ve got to say”
—Name that movie

ps. Today, I’m 24 and 3/4 and the only celebrity that I’ve heard of that has the same birthday as me (as in…April 17) is Daffy Duck – thanks.

pps. John Tix for Feb 21st at Universal Amphitheatre Fan tix were sold out in 17 minutes, and were sold out in an hour after going to the public. No I don’t have any. No Star hasn’t said “Aiyani Mersai you’re the Star VIP you have 30 minutes to call us back to claim your tickets to see John Mayer…..bla bla bla” I see some on ebay, we’ll see if God does me any favors as the days get closer….I’ll keep you posted – I know you ALL REALLY CARE ABOUT THIS PART THE MOST!!!!!!!!!!! lol

One of the BEST comments I could ever recieve is “You make me smile” and though I may get it often, it always feels very fresh when I hear it again. The past few days have been rather trying. Not the computer, or money which is ALWAYS gonna be a problem apparently! hhahaha….but in an emotional rut. A place like quick sand, versus an actual hole. A hole seems to at least provide a bottom, where as lately I’ve just kept sinking into this quicksand of sadness. SO – after speaking of course with some of the main people in my life things seemed to at least clear and though I haven’t climed out of the quicksand – it’s not sucking me down anymore either……..having poured that out there; returning to my opening comment, it was nice to hear today that I made someone smile. It made me feel good and important.

I’ve begun the cleaning process. Normally left alone until Spring I have decided to look into address books (physical and via the internet), and phone numbers and begun perging them from my life. A part of it remains difficult because I don’t like to let go sometimes, but the other part of me echoes “it’s a brand new day” I’ve successfully deleted email addresses, phone numbers, and buddies from my instant messaging services and just trying to …be….with what I have / what I actually need. The take is the same as BrightEyes had early suggested to me that it goes both ways. You don’t call me, I don’t call you – erased. It’s just that simple. There needs to only by time for people that I MAKE time for, and those who make time for me, and then of course time for myself.

The new DOS’ first day today…….um……….yah…….no. thanks – she likes everyone else but me I can just feel it. The looks she gives me and the way she talks down to me – it TOTALLY stems from me being an “actress” and remember this is the lady that discouraged me from trying because “they’re all self absorbed” so I think she’s trying to feel me out and see if *I* am self absorbed. hhhmmmmm…..more to come on this particular subject.

Toy Talk; Today’s Toy – TWISTER
The game of people, colored dots and the one who tells the people what to do with the colored dots. hahahah. Let us say the colored dots represent the direction you decide to take in life. Obviously there are many colors; many directions – but it also seems sometimes everyone goes for the same thing – someone’s got to give eventually. I go thru moments of how I want to approach life. Where I don’t want to make a decision I just need someone to tell me – but what if that person directs me the wrong way? Is it my fault for doing it, or theres for making me take it and falling. No, it’s no one’s fault but mine if I make a wrong decision or try for a color when I’m clearly not grounded enough for it. And, since there’s others going for the same thing – why bother trying for it aswell? Why try when you may fall. Decisions will continue to baffle me and trying to decode the decisions I’ve made in addition to attempting making new ones seems over whelming. But as long as when I fall it’s funny and doesn’t hurt – I guess what’s the harm in trying…..even if someone else is going for the same things; afterall that could end up a good thing right? Just make sure you stay grounded as long as you can – afterall you win if you’re the last man standing!

I need sleep. Last night I didn’t fall asleep til 4:30am – and it feels early….like 7pm and it’s after 11pm. Hmm – well perhaps writing all this out helped, among getting other things off my chest.

Thanks.

Just got off the phone with Kaza. I was downloading my weekend and we were catching up and then I burped – as most if not all of you know I do so well, but then broke into “Love on the Rocks” a song by Neil Diamond. LOL ; Which by the way lately I’ve been doing………I’ll burp and then break into Love on the Rocks. So there I was laughing for 7 minutes straight. Poor Kaza not understanding a SINGLE word that was coming out of my mouth just sat and listened to me laugh. But, it felt REALLY good to laugh. I haven’t laughed that hard in a while, and it’s no one’s JOB per say to make sure that I do laugh but those of you that try and allow me to just be wierd – thank you.

I didn’t change out of my jammies at all today. And it’s coming up on 8pm, which means I’ll more than likely just stay in these jammies and go to bed at a reasonable hour so that I can go to work tomorrow chipper……….ps – tomorrow is the new DOS’ first day and neither EL or Mike will be there. Just me, Tina and HER. I don’t know if I’ll stay. She was interesting. I think she’ll be fine as a DOS but I don’t think our personalities mesh at ALL. But maybe I’ll be surprised.

I would like an evening job, so that I may workout in the day EVERYDAY (well maybe only 6 days) with a trainer and everything. Since that will cost me a pretty penny -and I don’t have ugly or pretty pennies, I shall settle for Miami Fitness or a new Gym like 24 Hour Fitness. I’m leaning strongly towards going to 24 Hour for a combonation of factors really. But in the end – what really matters, is I need to lose ALOT of weight. You’d think with lack of eating I would have lost some weight by now. But nope. I still look big; if not bigger. I know I’ll get Hell from at least 5 people for that, but you know what? No matter what you say, I hear myself more than you. And maybe that’s not a bad thing, but that’s just how it is. Sorry, and that’s that.

Kevin today said I was PHAT – Pretty Hot And Tempting……..I’ve never heard that before – honestly. And it was pretty funny and that made me laugh too.

Where is a place online that I can post pictures and stuff for all to see?

I’m not looking forward to loading all my thousands of songs back into Real One Player, but it will give me something to do right? Something about tentacles got it!!

I have some things to think about. Conversations with Seanah, Roger Rabbit, MahRoomah, Kevin and Shawn Jacques lead me to do this. We shall see how the next few months unfold – it will be VERY interesting. So if I’m not around, I am – but you’ll have to look for me. Make sense? Cool.

No boy stories – sorry. Either they’re not worth it, and/or apparently I’m not worth it.

Allright Bye